Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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dazedandconfused1964 10/28/2017

Well, it happened again. Dumped by text for the second time in less than 4 months. This one infuriates me more than anything. I have a previous post from back in July that talks about the first one, so I won't rehash it.

At that time I sought counselling to deal with that issue and the many personal losses I have had, and the fact I was about to be an empty nester. It helped, a lot, and I met this woman while in counselling. She's smart, funny, family oriented and was putting down roots in the community. We couldn't see each other as much as we wanted but we talked or texted every day that we weren't together. So imagine my surprise when, after a 90 minute phone conversation this morning, 15 minutes later I got a break up text.

There was nothing in the phone call that gave me any indication this was coming. In fact, during it, she said she was very close to saying "I love you". So how do we go from that to goodbye so fast?

Yes, I have my problems. But above all else I am who I say I am. I am really starting to question my judgment when it comes to women. I no longer know if I'm being told the truth and I refuse to change who I am. The most important thing I learned in counselling was to love yourself first. Which I now do. So why do I keep attracting the wrong women for me?

Jamess 10/29/2017

[ AFC ]

"I am really starting to question my judgment when it comes to women."

Your idealistic perspective of women doesn't tally with reality, with your repeated experiences

Read this : The Rationale Male

https://www.amazon.com/Rational-Male-Rollo-Tomassi/dp/1492777862

Fallon13 10/29/2017

Have you said "I love you" to her if not what did you say when she told you she was close to saying it?

dazedandconfused1964 10/29/2017

I had not, and I said that I was very close to saying it too

Fallon13 10/29/2017

It was probably a way to get you to say it and when you didn't she flipped her shit thinking she made a fool of herself and turned tail and run. Either that are she's just batshit crazy and likes jerking people around. If she's bat shit crazy or if she ran because you didn't say what she wanted to hear when she wanted to hear it (which I guess technically both examples here make her BSC) you are better off. And I'm not sure what age range we are talking here but a break up text wth is that? So from a females point of view dont sweat her something better is waiting for you. Stop looking so hard and that's when it will find you.

ifinallygetit 10/29/2017

We have two options, dust ourselves off and keep trying or as the other poster said, stop trying so hard. I am in the same place as you but female. Just when you think you are good, it falls apart.

I think I am going to stop trying so hard. With the holidays coming, I would like to not be alone but I have accepted that I likely will be and I am okay with that

NOTwhatIthought 10/29/2017

My ex wife ended our 6 1/2 year marriage with a note on my pillow.

dazedandconfused1964 10/29/2017

Fallon13, I am inclined to agree with you. In hindsight maybe it's better I find this out now. As to age range, I'm 53 and she's 58. I'd be okay with not trying so hard but at the same time I don't want to park myself in my house for the whole winter. (Where I live winter runs November to April generally)

Ifinallygetit, I admire your internal strength. I like to think I have it too. It'd just be nice to not have to be strong all the time. I'm getting tired...

NOTwhatithought...I am so sorry. I hope you are doing better.

RecentlyFree 10/29/2017

She may have been using the phone call as confirmation that whatever she was looking for was or wasn't there. As far as the text break up, It's not the most Ideal way, but some people can find a breakup conversation as confrontational and they maybe trying to avoid conflict of any kind. Just be thankful that it ended before you became more invested in the relationship.

Gutted 10/30/2017

I'd guess that the more you talk the less in alignment she sees between your view of life. I'm a mature female (age wise) and I though I'm married, I sometimes get myself wrangled up in conversations with different people before they I realize their ideology is so entirely different from mine that I don't wish to have ongoing contact with them. I know that sounds harsh, but it could be some kind of difference relating to being republican/democrat, conservative/liberal, optimist/non-optimist, feminist/ outdated ideas about men and women, or even if she has a LGBTQ person she's close to and you've made inappropriate statements about that kind of thing. Maybe you like dogs and she's a dog hater. It happens.

I'm not trying to be hateful or disrespectful. I know it takes all kinds of people to make the world go round, but that does not mean everyone is a good match for everyone else friendship/romance wise. I have to think is more related to some fundamental difference in ideology that becomes more apparent the longer two people talk, rather than something innately wrong with you or the other person. You seem like a really sweet man, so I can't imagine it's you. Please don't take it personally. Just keep being yourself and one day some lady will thank her lucky stars to have found you!

dazedandconfused1964 10/31/2017

Thank you, recentlyfree and gutted. Feeling much better today. And to provide further comment to fallon13 saying she might be BSC...she actually wanted to have sex before we broke up. Who does that? And then she accused me of acting weird! Hello pot, this is kettle calling!

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