I cant tell you how proud of you I am! I was in a abusive relationship too and it took me a long time to get out of, but I finally did it. First for your own well being I commend you for taking the steps to making yourself better and someday you will find a happiness that will fill your heart and soul.

Now for the kids sake. You have to stay strong and keep him away as much as you can. Abuse of any kind is not fitting for children. They grow up in abusive situations and learn that it is normal to be that way. Then they go on to a grown up life and either continue being abused OR become the abuser, because their parents taught them that was normal behavior.

Welcome to DS and I hope you find all the support you need here!

Big Hugs and I applaud you !

I echo what lostsoul said. I'm so sorry for what you and your kids are going thru. I support your decision, as there is no dealing with an active alcoholic.

The ex went thru OCS intoxicated. He WAS a highly functioning alcoholic. They are quite good at fooling everyone. It WILL catch up with him, as it did the ex. But it can take decades. I try not to have regrets, but I still struggle with not leaving sooner and the damage that caused to my now adult kids.

Please contact your local women's shelter and ask them to help you create a SAFE plan to deal w/him when he gets back. Leaving an abusive relationship is THE most dangerous time, even if he's never gotten physical before. They should also be able to refer you and the kids to a qualified therapist who has additional specialized training in trauma & abuse recovery.

Be prepared for him to use every tactic known to abusers to get you to change your mind. He might be nice and all lovey dovey. He might even apologize and make all kinds of promises. (Typical of both abusers and alcoholics.) Or he might get ugly, mean and physical. That's why its critical that you have a SAFE plan in place BEFORE he gets home.

I'd also like to invite you to join the physical & emotional support group here on DS.
http://www.dailystrength.org/c/Physical-Emotional-Abuse/support-group

Always trust your inner knowing above all others & take good care of YOU.

~healing hugs~

Congratulations! I admire your strength and commitment. It's amazing how wonderful you feel when they go away, isn't it? That's the "proof" I'm hanging onto when I start feeling scared about my impending divorce. I know my husband wants to make me penniless and homeless. You are doing the right thing for your kids and you. Rarely do marriages get better permanently. Some may be able to improve for a short while, but abusers are too used to the cushy life they make for themselves to give it up forever.

So..here is the update. I still have not spoken to my husband in over 6 weeks. I took all of his belongings and his personal truck to his parents house on the evening of the night before I thought he would be back in town. I sent him a text explaining that his stuff was there and that he didn't need to come to the house for any reason. I didn't get a response. The next day my lawyer started to try to find him to serve him with the divorce paperwork. He was no where to be found. He wasn't at work...he hadn't contacted me or our son. 3 days go by and he is still MIA. My lawyers office called the police department to see if he was back and work and they said he would be gone for two more weeks..WHAT?? Well, I tell my lawyer to hold off on trying to find him and as soon as he contacted me I would let them know. I asked since he was MIA if it would help me with the custody/visitation situation. She said yes. Well, 3 minutes after I asked that question my husband texts me. Saying he is in town and that he wanted to see our son and that he would even pick him up from school as well as my daughter (previous marriage) if I wanted him to. VERY SUSPICIOUS. Me being the nice person I am...I let him take our son for the afternoon and he is bringing him home this evening. Then I get another text message saying that we needed to figure out a time that we could "talk and make plans" I am so confused. He doesn't know I filed for divorce (or at least I don't think he does) he hasn't be served. I honestly believe that he doesn't think he has done anything wrong and that I should come crawling back because I am the one that basically kicked him out. I don't know what to do...should I talk to him or should I just have him served and we work it out in court. I know he is going to try to sweet talk me and apologize like all the times before and I will just forgive me and start the vicious circle all over again. I love this man but he needs help and I don't need to be his doormat any more. A person can take only so much verbal abuse before they just crack. He has made me feel so unwanted and worthless for so long. BUT what if he doesn't want to work it out and he wants to work together "amicably" on the divorce and separation of things. I am just so confused.

PLEASE do NOT meet him.

It is sadly all too common for abusers (and even more so abusers who are police officers) to physically abuse or even kill their spouse under the exact same circumstances. Do NOT trust anything he says.

Instead, let your attorney talk for you.

Please contact your local shelter and ask them for help creating a SAFETY plan for you and your kids.