Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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CT44 02/24/2017

This whole thing is new to me, I'm not even sure I'm doing this right, but I need help.

I have had a lot of issues arise in life, and nothing just overly traumatic but things that make you question life. Anyways, I was in a low place in July last year and finally gave back into God. I had fallen into a bad place and really ran from God. When I gave it all back to him, things began happening. I met a girl. I started going back to church and was getting opportunities to preach. I had been called into ministry at a young age and just stopped when life became too much.

Anyways, after dating for several months I knew this girl was the one. I proposed in December and we decided to get married in June of this year. She had just come from an abusive relationship, and had a child with her ex husband. She hadn't seen him or anything, no contact in almost a year. I was a single full-time father as well. We had the beginnings of the perfect little family. Anyways, we rushed the wedding to the first of February. It's a long story why, but it was just more feasible and made more sense at the time.

Two weeks after the wedding, she left, and went back to her ex.

I have no answers, I have nothing. Just a lot of hurt and guilt for my daughter. She has now lost two mothers in 4 years of life. I don't know what to say. Everything was perfect. We never fought, we never really argued. It was really what I thought was true love.

I'm just confused. Questioning whether I misread God this badly.

WhatHappened88 02/24/2017

I wish I were good at giving advice but I'm really not . I just wanted to say I'm sorry you're dealing with this. Situations like this are so frustrating to me because we have no control over other people's actions and other's bad decisions hurt us the most. I don't know what God wanted you to learn from all of this but he's putting you through this for a reason. Hopefully one day soon you'll be able to understand why.

Alone 02/24/2017

Hard situation. I have to wonder how long that relationship will last?

Your intentions were good and you learned how to love again. Don't lose your own personal progress over this. It's not about you but rather her. Take care of you.

jaynib 02/25/2017

Just so you know, you're doing this right by asking for help. I hope you're still in church and that you're getting counsel and support. I reconciled with my ex-husband after five years apart and then when he relapsed into drug use I spiraled downward and was really disillusioned with God, church, and my faith. For two years I didn't go to church and didn't talk to Him, yet I knew He was always there. I finally came to my senses and came back to Him. I had thought He led me into the reconciliation but now in hindsight I can see that I was led by emotion and my desire for it to be right and did not seek or follow godly counsel before jumping in. I know it's much worse seeing the pain in your daughter along with your own pain but I guarantee she is watching now to see how you bounce back from the painful things in life. There is still hope, I promise. Hugs and prayers for both of you...

CT44 02/26/2017

I am still in church. I've had little to no contact with her. It's heartbreaking. Everything just snapped in her head. I've had a hard time letting go of all this, and even tougher time believing this is really the end.

I feel better but still feel a sense of hopelessness. Everything was really great. We never had a fight. There was so much life, light, and love when I looked into her eyes. And now, she's just someone I used to know. Or so it feels.

I'm sorry to still be so pessimistic. I know things will get better. I know things have to get better. Just takes time.

thiscantbeit 02/26/2017

Try not to focus on her. You strayed away from the Lord and when you finally came back, the enemy found another way to try to throw you off course. Our weaknesses will always be vulnerable to the attacks of the enemy, but "if God is for us, who can be against us." Im sorry that you are in this place. Its horrible. I feel your pain more than Id like to. All we can do is to continue to bring it to God. I will be praying.

lulu19 02/27/2017

Maybe she's not really the one for you. there were times that you thought you finally met the one for you but sometimes things changed. Just don't give up on yourself so that your daughter will be fine as well. If she will see you stronger, she will do the same thing. Just never forget to pray to God, and always remember that you still have your daughter to love you unconditionally. And maybe someday, you'll find every answers to your questions and finally feel happiness in life.

jaynib 02/27/2017

CT44, don't apologize for how you feel, it's totally okay to feel like that. I'm sure it was great between you, but for some reason that wasn't what she was after. I'd chalk it up to her unresolved issues with her ex or possibly thinking it was best for her own child. Let's pray she doesn't get hurt in the process...and that she finds her way back to the Lord. She is legally married to you, right, so with you is where she should be. In the meantime, get around loving, supportive people and lean into God. We're here for you.

CT44 03/10/2017

So, a lot has transpired in the last week or so, but nothing that changed. Just more hurt. I've come to the conclusion that it wasn't meant to be, and that it is over. And that's the best. She came back a little over a week ago. Expressed embarrassment, regret, and wanted to fix things. She told me she realized she was more infatuated with him than in love with him. I was skeptical, and kind of kept things surface level. I went to see her, and she came here two nights in a row to visit. Everything seemed on the uptick, and then Saturday night, just 3 days after she expressed the regret, she was gone again. Back with him. She sent me a message telling me we shouldn't speak anymore and she was going forward with this. There was no explanation other than that. Two days she loved me again, and then gone. Like I said previously, it's for the best its over.

Loyal_100 03/11/2017

I am so sorry to hear that you are going through such an emotional abusive situation. But I can relate I was with my children's father for 14 years and he just up and left us. And he moved in with another woman that he met on the internet during our relationship. But when he finally made his way back to see our kids he kept on telling me that he still loved me and no one else but he won't come back home... So it is hard for me to give up and let that go too... But I am in counseling and I pray about 3 to 4 times a day to Jesus! Our Faith will always get us through! God bless and many prayers up for you and your daughter...

seeker01 03/11/2017

So sorry for your loss, maybe I can offer perspective of the survivor of emotional trauma, having lost my ex-husband to alcoholism and suicide. I met a man shortly after my divorce of my ex-husband and we developed a relationship that after a long time...got engaged to be married. This upped the emotional ante for me and not having fully grieved the loss of my ex, I accepted the proposal and then began to try to heal those wounds that existed. It sounds like you provided an amazing connection and love she was so fortunate to get, though she likely did not heal from the loss that was created by a man that hurt her- so she went back to try to heal that wound but likely never will. Its a paradox that I have experienced repeatedly. I could not follow through with a healthy relationship because I feared that loss that I have never healed and thus left the relationship. God has had a way to teach me this lesson in a powerful way. It seems so unfair to you because you were there for her...and now you are losing- but as you know, his ways are not our ways. We can pray she can really hear Gods call and lesson to love herself and be with someone who she can accept love from. Prayers for you.

CT44 03/11/2017

Thank you all. The pain seems to lessen daily. I know some people go through a lot more, and it makes me feel incredibly selfish to even worry about this. It's just been something over and over and over again. There are intricate details of my life that have turned it into true turmoil at times, and I have always found a sense of peace through it all. But it is life, and mine is better than most.

My wife, was abused physically and emotionally by this guy for almost 4 years. She confided she was molested as a young girl once, and I was the only one who she had ever told. Ironically, she told me in confidence about a month before she left. I've wondered if opening up about her scarred life triggered so many emotions that she just emotionally snapped.

She did mention she felt the need to fix things with her ex. She had a child with him, and she didn't like the idea of more kids with another guy, in this case, that meant me. It's only a matter of time for the abuse to return, and her to turn back to certain things to ease the pain. It seems I was somewhat vilified behind the scenes when she was pressed by friends and family as to happened between us, which makes me realize I was more invested than her. I am not perfect, by any means, but we did have the foundations of a great marriage. I do love her, and part of me always will, but it is time to pick up what is left, and push forward. Thank you all.

PhilipA 03/11/2017

God will never mislead you. Our desires can feel so strong that we believe that Gods will is working in our lives. Trust in him and the answers you seek will be answered. I say this because going through a rough period in my life I've come to ask him for guidance and seek his will I have no answers for the questions that I want to ask but trust that what happens in my life comes from God and believing that His will is what I need to focus on.

CT44 05/13/2017

So, here's an update. She came back and expressed her guilt and mistakes. She admitted she was pregnant with his child but wanted me to be the father. She fell into a deep depression. We talked and I was completely okay with taking her back and raising the child. I told her temporary hurt was worth a lifetime of happiness, and things seemed really good.

Then we had a fight. Our first fight. It was over petty things, like lack of time spent together, money, and even the situation to some degree. I told her I was hurting. I was happy, but it would take time for all the hurt to seep away. She told me she couldn't do this. Her heart wasn't in it, for whatever reasons. She yelled at me, and told me I was a terrible person. This was after mentioning in the fight she may have to look at getting a job, to help financially.

When I left her house, I apologized. She told me I'm only apologizing because she said she was done. The truth is, I am sorry. I do feel guilty about the tone of some of the things I said. There was no name calling, or anything of that nature. I wasn't even sure during the fight that it was really all that bad. I've seen and been in worse, honestly. I didn't imagine it was going to be an ending with the argument. I just felt like it was something we needed to have. I was wrong. Once I got home, I went to send her a goodnight text and found out I had been blocked from everything.

Funny, how the emotional rollercoaster of life is.

Dandelion 05/13/2017

Idk, sounds like you're getting jerked around and you're always totally okay with it.

She's somehow twisted everything to be your fault, and you're totally okay with it.

She sounds completely unstable, yet I have no doubt you'd take her back in a heartbeat, and probably end up apologizing to her for her indiscretions, only to have the cycle continue somewhere down the line sooner or later, probably sooner especially with a new baby.

If this is what you want, not much anyone can say.

I don't think the two of you would or should make it.

Maybe time for counseling so you can cultivate healthier relationships

CT44 05/13/2017

Honestly, no this is it for me. It was just an update to the situation. I'm not okay with it. My feelings do matter. My life does matter. I felt the need to give it another go, after finding some peace with her mistakes. I felt like it was a safe move, and that cautiously, we could have normalcy.

You're right, she does twist things. She says the right things, but she isn't patient enough to let things play out. Love is easy. Relationships are not. It's easy to love someone, but what comes with it is work and commitment, and I totally see, that this was one sided. I gave and she took. When I needed something, I didn't get it.

I'm completely okay, and I'm completely fine with this end result. My value and my feelings are important too.

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