Hi everyone,

I got married pretty young to a boy I met at a bus stop. But this isn't the story you think it is. We were inseparable for our 8 years together, best friends, who shared a lot of common interests. For years we've said that we couldn't imagine life without one another. And last weekend I moved out of the house we built 3 years ago, and I'm not doing very well.

My husband decided to go back to school this year, and he has changed so much in the past couple months. All of his friends are new, and very young, and like to party. I decided to get a part time job in the evenings to help pay for things so that he could work less. My husband also got a new job as a bouncer in a club around the same time that he started school, so he was always gone on Friday and Saturday nights. At first, we did everything to help make our lives better.

Right before Christmas, we got in a huge fight because he had been texting someone throughout my work's Christmas party. I asked to see the text when I saw my name mentioned on the screen, and he quickly deleted it. When we got home, I was furious with him, and he ended up saying that he didn't know if he loved me anymore. At first, I was absolutely heartbroken. This was coming from a guy, who, if you had met even a year ago, would gush about me in front of everyone. It was the single most devastating thing I could have heard. A couple of days later, he took our marital status off facebook, and before I even knew about it, a friend asked me if I was doing okay, and when I called my husband to ask him whey everyone was treating me like I was going to break down or something, he said that they knew because he had removed our facebook status (I hate that this matters so much) and that he wanted a break.

For the next couple weeks, things were unbearable. We lived in the same house, we would do things together like watch a movie, but then he would sleep downstairs. I also noticed that he changed the password on his phone so that I could not get into it. I made every effort just to go on with my life, but it was frustrating because Christmas was so close. My husband despises Christmas, and he did not want to see his family, who were all confused with him for taking a break from our marriage. On Christmas eve, I found condoms in my bathroom drawer (where they are not kept), and when I asked him about it, he lied and told me that he was organizing the house and just threw them in there. Later, he told me that he was going to bring them with him to work, but he couldn't do that to me. I was so hurt that he was going to bring them "just in case". Then he lied one night when he didn't come home and said that a girl at a party tried to kiss him, but he pushed her away, and then tried again to have sex with him, and he told her he was married. When I told him I did not believe him, he came clean (maybe only partially) and said that he kissed her twice, but that was it.

Over Christmas break, we spent a lot of time together. Things really seemed to improve because we were not talking about our problems. We went on some dates, we had sex almost every day, and we were able to sleep in the same bed and laugh again. Then his new semester began, and he stopped texting me and talking to me. He even seemed critical of the things I was doing. It didn't help that I wasn't home too much during the week because of my second job.

I came home last Wednesday with a sinking feeling in my stomach like something was wrong. I did not want to believe it, because I felt like things were getting better. I told myself I was only creating problems that were not there. I tried texting him earlier that night, and he said he was really busy with homework. I stayed up late to write, and I saw his phone plugged in while he slept, a red flashing light showing that he had a new text message. I picked up his phone and took it to my office and tried to guess what his new password might be. Somehow, I guessed it on the second try.

Then I saw the most horrible things written that I've ever seen. He had been texting his one friend that he wishes I'd "sign divorce papers already and let him be free" and that he wanted to "grab a girl and go somewhere". Then I saw that he had been texting another girl extremely sexual things for hours that night, and bragging about it to another friend. The worst was that they also talked about me, and how his marriage was over, and again, that he wishes that I would just sign divorce papers. It was so embarrassing because the night before, he came up and hugged me and told me that he loved me, that he wanted an honest relationship with me, and that he could not see his life without me. Why would he lie like that? I have never known him capable of living such a double life. I confronted him and read the text message to him out loud. The look on his face was a mixture of embarrassment, shock that I had been able to see the texts, and fury.

I moved out over the weekend, and I'm having a horrible time. He did something so hurtful to me that I know we need space apart, especially because I'm so angry. I don't think he ever expected to be caught. He has completely shut down. I asked him on Saturday as I was packing how he could lie to me, and he shut the door in my face. On Sunday, I completely broke down. I called his sister, who I'm close with, and she said that Reilly had called her right after I left for good bawling his eyes out and that she was driving to go see him. I would like to think that means that he had some regret for what he did, but not enough to pick up a phone to text me or call me.

I want our relationship back. I want to go home. Things were so wonderful for so long, up until 3 months ago. He has fantasized about living a single life, and I hope somewhat that by leaving him alone to think, he'll be able to experience that and maybe realize that he made a huge mistake just letting me leave. A year ago, he would have chased me anywhere. But now he acts like a complete stranger. I feel as though I've had my heart ripped out. I burst out crying at work sometimes, and it's so embarrassing. I'm so scared he's going to go sleep with some random girl, and I'd like to think he wouldn't since before it was just a fantasy, but at the same time, this is his time to do the things he thinks he needs to do. I just don't know if I can ever forgive him when sex is involved. I'm so heartbroken, and everyone keeps telling me I'll be happy again, but I was happy before. I haven't done anything like text him or call him crying, I've just given him space, but I could really use some help because I don't know how to act during a separation. I didn't want to lay down any ground rules because he needs to feel totally free to do what he wants, and if I inhibit him from sleeping with someone, then it's still going to feel exciting to him. I'm hoping I snuffed the excitement out of it, but I'm really unsure. It's like he's trying to be a teenager again.

I want him back, but he needs to be the one to come back to me. I know that, and it's so hard because it really is in my nature to try to fix everything. Everyone in his family thinks he's making a huge mistake, but they are being supportive, and he's in touch with them very often. I don't know if there is any hope for us, but the good definitely outweighs the bad in my case. But maybe that's not enough. I need to show him that I'm strong on my own (he once commented that I depend on him too much, even though I pay for everything), and that I'm confident and beautiful and that he really screwed up. But he also seems determined to act like a jerk, and his answer to me is usually "I guess I'm just a terrible person" even though he is not.

Any advice would be appreciated. I'm trying to keep my head on straight through this, because I know what I do next is extremely important. I love him so much, but he cannot take advantage of me. He needs to be reminded who he's married to.

Thank you all for reading my very long post, and for taking the time to respond. I really appreciate the support and strength you give me when I'm feeling like my life is falling apart. I need to find a way to get control of it again, without trying to control him.

C