I am glad you are taking care of you. Your grief is very Real
and its often intense, we often need outside help so we can
help ourselves Get better. You also have children to think about.
They Are precious little beings that depend on you to be okay
mentally and emotionally.

It sounds like your relationship was very troubled, you can
Only fix and control yourself. You can not fix or control your
Ex or your relationship with him. Thats out of your control.

I kept beating my head against the brick wall. Alanon Helped a
lot with my inner problems and issues besides going to therapy.
We need to learn we are enough and get emotionally strong and
Healthy for our own sanity and wellbeing.

My ex is merrily with his same GF not much i can realistically do
Anything about any of that. Its done, the journey is now all about
me getting Better every day, its not easy, simple or quick. HUGS

I seriously don't know I feel like you do everything is just fine in his world and I just sit here in this depression that I can't pull myself out of every night I say tommorow I'm going to do this then tomorrow comes and I sit and feel sorry for myself and I know your not suppose to do that but I feel I'm in to deep feel worthless to everyone thank you for listening

Thank you Miranda. I know i have a long way to go and I'm going to try real hard to get through this a stronger person. Hugs

For me the separation and detaching process were very
real plus all my Grief. I still have mild anxiety, depression
And stress and when my stress gets too triggered it will
bring on anxiety. My depression is situational only.

Its becomes this little vicious cycle. One day i will be finally
Be Much happier even though i am alone, time does take
time especially with grief and there is no easy way thru it.
Stand tall and stay strong as hard as that is, HUGS

I know you feel. I was with my ex for my entire adult life (>15yr). Trying to be the super wife, mother, career woman, sexy momma and still he chose a life outside of me. Three kids later. When we separated, I had a breakdown.; my life as I knew it and dreamed of came "crashing down"'. I was diagnosed with depression and adjustment disorder. But I knew I couldn't do it alone. So I went to counseling and I still go. I know tha my antidepressant meds are temporary.

But I'm here to tell u that u can survive this. It's not going to be easy. Lean on those that really care for you... friends. I went back to school and will be graduating soon and I am able to maintain my house.

I believe in you.

stay strong - you are far stronger than you realize today. Id like to hear more and most certainly would share whatever information Ive come across in my own journey following bomb drop.

for me it took several councillors to find the best fit for me. following counselling i have spent many thousands of hours reading, learning and becoming the nest me I've ever been.

You are not alone - ever!

Mirandac is right. A divorce or separation is like death. It is a loss of hopes, dreams, and what was. At least, that's how it is for me. We were separated for 3 years before I made the decision to divorce and every now and then I catch myself wondering about his new life and would it have worked between us. Nah!!
However, you have to make a decision along this grief walk if u want to stay sorrowful while he lives his life or if u want to live again.
There will be triggers that set u back, but like a good investment. Good stock over time continues to rise with hikes and dips along the way up.

@sjs77,
How do u know when you are out of the slump and ready to love someone again?
I want to marry again, but I don't want to rush anything.

Everyone around me (close friends and relatives) say that I am not ready. I would like to trust my own judgement, but I'm still learning to trust myself.

for me... i find that i have to learn from my past mistakes to know i won't take them with me to my next relationship. Read the 5 love languages and Divorce Busting. 2 good starting points, at least they were for me. Get to the root of where you may have lead your relationship to departure, by the way your spouse takes 50% responsibility. Once you've listed the root causes, own them, and change them for you, then live them. Begin by making yourself happy - be the best you. I was never a believer in counselling, but it helped me immensely early on

if all you do is talk of your ex, you're not ready, if all you do is compare anyone to your ex, you're not ready, if all you do on a date is talk about your ex, you're not ready

Thank you all for all your support, this morning is a real tough one for me, so thank u again. Hugs to all of you.

Don't judge yourself by the tears. Counseling stirs stuff up. It's a good thing to cry and purge instead of stuffing the feelings. Keep working at it, keep paddling...that's how you get to the other side. Stop comparing yourself to him or anyone else. You really don't know what his inner voice is saying to him. He's definitely not going to share that with you out of pride. If he is an alcoholic...then yeah...he's beating himself up on the inside and medicating himself with alcohol. But that's not your problem anymore.

One day at a time, sister....or one half day at a time....or an hour at a time...whatever it takes!

I'm in the same boat as you emotionally. I have been thinking about going to a therapist, but with my social anxiety it's hard for me to talk to people I don't know in person. I'm still waiting for him to remove all of his stuff and while I want it all out, at the same time I know I'll have a super hard time once he finally is truly gone. Time. It's definitely going to take time.

@linny, When i go to my therapist the hour just
Goes by so quick. Find a good one to talk to ask
others who they recommend. I have a drug, alcohol
And abuse trained one.

Now is not the time to be an island and not reach
out. It is a sign Of strength not weakness to say i
need help.

In 12 step groups thats the thing you gotta do is
Get honest and learn to be humble, In a safe place
so you can begin to heal. Whats Hidden away from
the light of day can not heal.

Divorce care was a very safe place too. We talked
About a lot of different things. The whole thing is Pick
and choose the safe people and places. I never talk
Abuse or narcissism with outsiders.

Some Subjects are best with a trained therapist for
Help and support. Like family of origin, abuse, trauma,
And shame, HUGS