Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
So, I was married for 3 years, together for 4 and a half.
It was a very abusive relationship, emotionally, and the day before I left he started pushing and shoving me so I knew it was time to go. Controlling and bullying was the tip of the ice berg. Marital rape and other nasty surprises were involved too.
I also worked for him in his business. I had/have no way to access any money, although he did give me an allowance but told me what to spend it on.
I have lost my hair twice in the last two years.
I had no where to go so slept in my car for a few days and have now found some space in my 19 year old daughters flat ( oh the irony!)
SO now I have no job, no money but do have a bed.
I have contacted domestic abuse charities which are supporting me, or will do.
I have a meeting with a lawyer this morning.
I have no idea what to expect from my Husband.
I arranged to go and see him last week, all arranged. He chose to be out so we didnt talk. I then get a text from him yesterday saying ' shall I tell people we have split up?' I then text back, 'why wont you talk to me?' He said ' because you arent here.'
So my heads a mess. I dont know what to do or feel or even if I should try and talk to him and find a safe way forward with this.
I know I am in a better place than some but thats where I am at right now, in the middle of a hurricane.
In my marriage of 24 years, I now realize how much power I had inadvertently given my ex husband over me financially.
I went through a difficult time for quite a bit during and following my divorce because of it.
It will never happen again. I'm a lot more into taking care of myself in or out of a relationship now.
You did the right thing contacting agencies. You need a lawyer asap.
Why do you need to talk to him?
After that kind of treatment, I wouldn't have a thing to say to him, I'd file for divorce.
Your first step is finding out your rights here and getting your life stable.
I am convinced that your husband is probably a sociopath, so he is likely going to start playing games because he lost control. Right now he is still hoping that he will get you back, so he will incorporate various techniques to make threat happen.
I would record every conversation you have with him by text or otherwise and avoid speaking in by phone or in person, because you have no proof of anything.
You have the right to half of YOUR joint assetts.
Dont let him bullshit you if he says: well, you chose to leave. Your defense is : YOU created hostile environment and forced me out of this marriage by your actions. You owe ME and then some for the emotional distress you caused me.
Stand your ground.
I would tell him straight out that you need money NOW so you can rent a living space.
Best of luck my dear
Don't let him bullshit you, gaslight you, make this your fault, nothing.
Take your power back and don't listen to or believe a word he says.
Should i pursue this legally?
My feeling is that he should give me a small lump sum and a monthly allowance.
Cried a lot today. In the most embarassing places.
So is it worth fighting for more?
I feel like it would be fair to give me a lump sum. Im thinking just a few thousand to get a deposit and months rent, and moving costs to get my stuff. Is that not fair? Or is it not worth the stress?
And hi Aronia, i tried so hard to get my old posts on the old DS back but they are gone. That is how i remember the horrible things he did. It was my log, my reminder of why im going. DS say they are gone. Shame, i need that reminder.
You can't even rent a room for that money.
You were a partner in his business. He owes you a part of the business . He owes you whatever money accrued in equity while you lived there.
And thanks aronia. I dont know what is acceptable, good to have your thoughts.
He said in one of the texts that i am a skilled person and that i need to stop moaning and look after myself. Sigh.
Does not sound like this guy will hand over anything
Willingly.
My ex wanted to do it ourselves and said he would be fair,
I did not believe a word out of his mouth at that point,
He had a gf and was checked out. They are Your enemy
not your spouse anymore.
Sounds like you have a large tiger by the tail, Self protect
and listen to the shelter people and your lawyer when
you get one. STAY SAFE, HUGS
Would you say its worth the stress? Or is his goodwill worth more?
Will help you get someone. I would not trust
Him for or about anything. He is trying to l,ow
Ball you. HUGS
I have asked for £2k for a deposit and months rent and £500 a month for a year.
I just want a fair start. I think thats fair what i have asked for.
DO NOT BELIEVE A THING HE SAYS. DO NOT TRUST HIM
Only married a year and nothing owned together.
They did a quick divorce too. He had a borderline
Personality.
I would seek counsel, agree to nothing Do not give
your rings back. Every place is different As far as
divorce rules goes, find out your rights. HUGS