Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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cavahoo1215 10/06/2016

I think I have dealt. (for the most part ) with the fact that it was her plan from the begining to leave me and tear apart our family for another man whom she still barely knows.

I have been tear free for over a week now, and most days have been pretty good. Some sadness started creeping in today, but I just kept busy and it went away for now.

There are days when I hate her. Everyday I hate him, and some days when Im just indifferent to the whole mess. I still care for her very much, but she has hurt me so badly and treated me with such disrespect that It makes it easier to be happy that she's gone.

We went to see my new apartment last night for the first time. Its really nice and the boys LOVED it. I move in next Friday, if not sooner. All that really needs to be done is a good cleaning, so Im hoping for an early move in. I cant wait to be away from her. It is a unique kind of torture to be stuck in that house with her. It feels like a prison.

On a side note, I need some advice on how to deal with the overwhelming need I feel to start dating. I know Im not ready and I would never put that confusion and added stress on my kids, but man o man.

I cant imagine getting close with someone else and then having it go south and being back in this position again.

I just have such a desire for feminine affection. I want to cuddle up on the couch and watch a movie, hold hands while we walk etc...

Its strange because thinking about losing those things with my stbx used to make me so sad, but now Im eager, almost excited to find another woman to share them with. Maybe I feel like I need to compete with her. She has someone so I should too. I know thats a foolish and unfair game to play. I wouldnt want to use another person as a prop to "get even" with her.

Im just afraid that Im going to jump into a rebound relationship that will end badly because I was nowhere near ready to be with someone else.

I think I may be a little scared of being single. Weve been together since Highschool, so Ive never been on my own as an adult.

Ive been cuddling at night with my pitt bull, and shes a great cuddler! But its just not the same. She snores too much and kicks in her sleep.

samantha717 10/06/2016

I understand the need for human companionship and tenderness, especially at a time like this. I don't think there is anything wrong with it as long as you are honest about your situation. Maybe if you approached it not as dating per se, but rather as making new friends.

Timeman 10/06/2016

Hi cavah--------,
Sorry that you have to go through this. It's not fun ! I've been there. I wouldn't worry about dating right now . It takes time to heal and then the dating will follow..... when you're ready and at the right time. To date you must do it for yourself . Not for revenge or for some other reason. I would suggest that you go to group therapy. You'll meet a lot of nice people there. Also there meet up groups that YOU can join. I remember going to singles dances and became friends with a group of men and woman.. We would always meet there and just have fun. Most were recorded like me. Some of them did stay together and some ( like me). Got married again . It took about five years of just socialising before I stayed with one woman. Just go slow my freind.....try not to hate anyone...... And remember a db is always there when you come home ....?and happy to see you....? Thsts more then my x did. !!!
Take Care ..... Hang in there..... Timeman

Minidogs2 10/06/2016

Please do not jump into a quick relationship without having the time to heal because it will not go well. As a man who is recently divorced, I understand what you're saying. Find a good divorce care group which will help you during this tough season. It helps to make the commitment to go every week. I'm going again for the second series after going for the first 13 weeks. It will help you to get professional advice in the program and also hear the stories of other people dealing with the same thing, both men and women. Wishing you all the best.

kbbcoop77 10/06/2016

Oh man I joined Match pretty quickly and met a gal and we went out and it was fun and definitely strange kissing another woman after 24 years...huge ego boost...BUT ultimately I wasn't ready. .so I've decided to put it on the back burner. 2 years later I'm talking to a gal I knew from years ago but taking it slowwwww. I got comfortable first being on my own and it took a while but I feel better about it now and not desperate

mirandac 10/06/2016

Cava at least wait until you are divorced
So you have a clear conscious. Stay true
To yourself. This is not the time to play
Games and it is not emotionally healthy
for you to even think about dating.

You have a lot of stuff to move thru
Emotionally we all do and its not easy
And it is brutally hard. This is a club
Nobody wants to belong to. HUGS

kbbcoop77 10/07/2016

ON the other hand...when I was much younger (22) I met a gal that totally got me over my ex and gave me the confidence I needed to really date and enjoy it. That was when I was much younger but it did get the job done. So really if the ex is done and you're confident in yourself then what the hell. The prevailing factor is don't get hurt. That's all that matters...and don't hurt anyone else

Eevee 10/07/2016

Companionship is natural to desire. I understand your conflict perfectly. I too have moments where I want to snuggle up next to someone, have them hold my hand while crossing the parking lot, go on a day adventure with. It's those little things in life that mean the most. Yet, whenever someone asks me to do something, even get coffee, the actual thought turns my stomach. I'm healing, but I guess not ready to take any new steps—regardless of how honest I am upfront about being emotionally unavailable. Patience. I think we need to be a little more patient with ourselves.

Your comment about being in competition with her also resonates. When my ex left he immediately moved in with someone he'd been seeing for a year and half. It both stung and delighted me. Stung because the realization I had been used and living a lie came crashing in. Delighted me because I knew this wasn't an error on my part. Not saying I'm perfect or don't have flaws and issues to work on. But, I am emotionally healthier than needing someone else to "fill voids" in my life or support me. Perhaps delighted is the wrong word. I'm not over here doing cartwheels. However, I am at peace with things and able to squash my competitive thoughts fairly easy when I think of things in that perspective.

Hang in there. Do what feels right in the moment. You sound pretty grounded so I think you already have the answers you're looking for.

thiscantbeit 10/07/2016

As hard as it may be, we have to be in a place where we are responsible for our own happiness. If we depend on others to be happy and fulfilled then we are giving them way too much power over us. Dealing with a break up is difficult and navigating all the thoughts and emotions that come with that can cause us to make "band-aid" decisions. When we try to find a temporary fix or a quick fix, we always end up paying more for it. Human connection is very important. We all want to be loved and feel love. Be good with you first. When you do find someone to connect with it should be a bonus as apposed to a need. Ultimately, you know what you are capable of. If you know that you are not ready to get into something else without the cloud of your circumstance influencing your every decision, then don't. We don't want to be the people responsible for someone else feeling the way we did when our heart broke.

samantha717 10/07/2016

My dad died when I was a kid. My mom was left with three of us at a fairly young age. She stopped going out, even with friends who asked her to go out. I think she felt like the third wheel a lot and was uncomfortable around her married friends. I was always an avid reader, even as a kid, and I remembered seeing ads for Parents Without Partners. It was a nationwide support group for single parents (single for any reason) of kids of any age. I told her she should join it. To my surprise, she went to the first meeting and liked it. She kept going. They had monthly calendars of all kinds of local events they were hosting and taking part in. Some of the events were adults only, like maybe going to a play, a concert or a dance, and other events involved parents and kids, like bowling, ice skating or going out for pizza. It was a great organization. After a year, she started dating another member of the group and several months later they got married. They've been married for over 30 years now. I put a link to PWP below if you're interested in checking them out. This is a great way to get companionship with people who are going through the same struggles you are, but without the pressures and risks of dating at this point.

http://www.parentswithoutpartners.org/

rainbow69 10/07/2016

I also know that feeling of having to be with someone intimately. I felt it as soon as the divorce was in motion and I we were no longer giving each other the time of day but still living in the same home.

I dated as soon as my divorce was final. Two emotionally unavailable people that at a deep level I was hoping would fill all the needs my ex did, plus make up for all his imperfections. Well, it hasn't worked out but I also felt loved. I love male companionship but haven't found a way to keep it completely casual.

I have been wondering lately whether I should take a break from dating, since I haven't fully healed.

I never lived alone before, so that was a big adjustment too.

Keep taking care of yourself and concentrate on your kids. This won't be easy.

rainbow69 10/07/2016

Correction: I don't want completely casual, so I'm going to see what it's like to live without the male attention.

mirandac 10/07/2016

You can still talk to the opposite sex, i do that
All the time. I love men and love to tease and
Joke around. There are safe and healthy ways
To interact and behave.

You do not need to date that is a massive step
when you are not ready emotionally. I can not
Even imagine my confusion even with being 16
months post Divorce. I am not done grieving Yet
that means i am far from ready.

Many believe you should get use to being
single First and have a good sense of yourself
and Who you are before jumping into the dating
Arena. You will attract a much healthier partner
And companion.

The last thing any of us needs Is more heartache.
HUGS

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