Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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jaclyn1973 05/11/2013

Is there some rule that says the dumper is not allowed to feel any remorse? Is he not allowed to miss me even a little? I'm not asking for a nervous breakdown or even a tear...but something? On his birthday he made sure to call me and tell me all his birthday news getting me to say happy birthday. When our final papers came in the mail and I indicated the coincidence of the date we received them...it took him hours to realize ..it was our anniversary. It's like one day he was one person and the next day he was another, one I'd never met and all that had gone before had been erased or never happened as far as he is concerned. How can some people turn their emotions on and off like a light switch?
Sigh, I'm doing ok. I'm building a new life, too. But still the sight of him or the sound of his voice or seeing his name on the caller ID...I want to get to where none of that touches my heart, like he has..and I don't know how to get there..

charliegirl29 05/11/2013

I dont think its sunch a place you want to go to......in respect to none of it touching your heart. I think going through the pain will only make your endurance stronger and that is what makes you able to handle hardships a lot better. I dont think you want to emotionless. I have been there and done that and I can tell you I would rather feel the emotions but thats just me. some people just have that coping mechanism built in from childhood.

deleted_user 05/11/2013

Hi jaclyn: I put a post here on the board about Dr. Phil and toxic people. here is the thread that was on that post and please go on it and listen to the very short video of Dr. Phil. Just click on the green link below and it will take you to the article that has the Dr. Phil very short video

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2013/04/30/dr-phil-life-code-cut-toxic-baiters_n_3180789.html?icid=maing-grid10%7Chtmlws-main-bb%7Cdl18%7Csec1_lnk2%26pLid%3D306409

jaclyn1973 05/11/2013

Thanks. It's true and I've heard it before and agree: it's who I thought he was I miss. And I am cutting him out of my life, but it seems to hurt me more than him. I'm not saying I want him to hurt. It's just..why do I have to be the one who feels all the pain while he goes around seemingly on cloud nine? In my head I understand. In my head, I realize that when I am having a good day, I couldn't care less. And I'm doing things, taking steps to add more to my life: more people, more activities, more depth...We have next to no contact. Little by little the reasons for contact are becoming fewer and fewer. I am starting back to church next week. I think that will help. Thanks all. I have to have someplace like this to go where I can whine....

deleted_user 05/12/2013

Hi Jaclyn: I think the reason we go no contact is also to help us make the break and go on, but also to stoop us from experiencing more pain from the other person.

When you're still having communication with him and he's on the phone telling you all about his birthday news/birthday party to get you to tell him happy birthday, it's part of manipulation. It means he has control over you and it's like with the telephone he reaches out and when you pick up he works the control and manipulation to try to make you do what he wants (wish him happy birthday) and at the same time make you feel bad. That's allowing him to manipulate and control you. It should stop right now.

That's why many of us go NO CONTACT, which means we block the phone, texts, and computer and have no contact with the other person. We do it to protect ourselves, get on our feet, avoid manipulation and control, and give ourselves time alone.

When you are here wondering how he can turn emotions on and off like a light switch, why would you want to talk to him at all? He doesn't miss you because if he did he would be in serious therapy right now to fix him and change him. He's not in therapy and he doesn't care. So YOU have to move on.

If you don't have call blocking on your phone plan, usually you can get it for a small amount--believe me, it is SO WORTH THAT SMALL AMOUNT.

He is controlling and manipulating you with calls. If you don't stop it, you will never move forward and he will always call and be a jerk. Why do that to yourself because you know he is toxic and you dumped for a reason. You also know that you're seeing him now as what you would WISH HE WOULD BE, not the jerk he is being. So really DUMP HIS ASS and block his calls and texts and block him on the computer and on Facebook or any other social network you are on . You have to get him out of your life and you start moving forward. Good luck and hugs. +

Lverde1 05/12/2013

this is what its call attachment! you need to learn how to get unatached

deleted_user 05/12/2013

I think they feel something, but showing it is not an option form any of them. I also fall on the side of the "dumper" typically prepared for however long he did in order to make the break. They had time to process a life without you in it. Unfortunately, the one getting dumped gets hit with it like a ton of bricks.

Lverde1 05/12/2013

i think they do but since they were the ones doing the brake up they feel like if they reach out it will give the power they had away from them to you. They probably had it planed out months before they made their decision

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