Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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ll47ll 08/07/2008

How many of you have had your family and friends, church, coworkers, anyone judge you for going through a divorce? My X is the one who screwed up and walked out, ...

my sister now calls him a loser, which I agree, but I constantly tell her NOT to in front of the kids. Whatever he is, that does nothing but make them feel bad. Last night I had to tell her AGAIN! Today she sends me an email, "so what did that loser X of yours say..." Well at least it's not in front of the kids, but I just broke down and cried when I read it. He wasn't a loser when I married him, or was he (love is blind)? He ended up a loser now, something I can't change and refuse to be a part of. Why does it still make me cry? I am over him, going out and dating, could care less if he wanted to talk like old friends again, why does something like that hurt so much? Is it just the malice and insensivity?

Lee

deleted_user 08/07/2008

i think it hurts because we somehow take it as a reflection upon ourselves.
we married them. if you thought they were a loser why didn't you tell us? does it reflect upon our ability to choose a mate wisely? what does it say about me if i married a loser.

all that garbage that our minds toy with and punish us with.

at least mine does. who knows...i could be way off on this one. (i was way off on choosing a mate too. lol)

deleted_user 08/07/2008

Ya know...I heard the whole "I told ya so from my mom" I heard the'"A (insert fucktard name here)? I didn't think HE was THAT way" from my sis...and then when I was engaged to him, his mom said, "You know, there's a lot that comes with "A".....*Screaming to myself NOW!* "YOU ARE FUCKING RIGHT!!!!" I avoided red flags...I know it NOW!

ll47ll 08/09/2008

Update:
I replied to my sister late that night that all she is doing is hurting me and the kids etc and that it was just pure meanness...

now she has sent me several emails arguing!!! I have decided not to respond. She sent me an email and I replied, but I am not going to argue over the internet when she can call or come over. I have not lost anymore sleep on this because I have said what I needed to say, but I think she is unable to sleep now. I love her to death and she loves me too and she feels my pain that I went thru, but boy does stubborn run in our family or what?

Thank you for responding! I hate to think it is a reflection on our choice of mate too, but it does hit a nerve with me too.

Lee

deleted_user 08/10/2008

I think any family member that repies like that just loves you. I would tell my sister her husband is an ass if he walked out on her. OK, I'd say much worse.

Everyone is in uncharted territory. Give them a break. Hug them and love them. That's all they do for you.

deleted_user 08/10/2008

It is hard to hear those kinds of comments at first. I know that it was hard for me at first. Now, I join in because the divorce hasn't been the most "peaceful". The things he did and said is pretty deserving of that sort of treatment.

I am sure your sis means well and you know what? The divorce or breakup affects EVERYONE around you. She is angry at him for what he did to you.

dlmfree 08/10/2008

I can relate. It's hard for me to hear really negative things about my ex. While I might agree with some of them, he is still the father of my children AND when I married him I was in love with his positive qualities. I think for the people who love YOU and support YOU, they need to focus on the negative in support of you. Part of that is for them, not you when they call him names, etc. Know what I mean? They're processing and justifying the situation for themselves. And some may just be misguided in what they think is supportive. Anyway, I relate to what you're saying. Like you, I do not want anyone saying anything negative about him in front of the kids. He's their dad and if they hear that negative stuff, it's a slight against them too.
They mean well and love you. Hugs!!!

deleted_user 08/10/2008

When I announced to everyone that my ex was divorcing me Everyone asked me if he's gay then proceeded to tell me all the characteristics he showed that made them wonder... for 14 years.. hmmmmmmmm.......

ll47ll 08/10/2008

That is exactly what she said... which I agree he is a loser, but who wants to hear something so negative all the time? Also if the kids repeated it to him, I will have to deal with it.

I'm sure he and his family call me the b---- word. If my kids heard them doing that, they would be so hurt and upset because they are 150% of the time and effort my kids. My X loves them, but his love has limits of how to love someone.

Lee

dlmfree 08/10/2008

People asked me too if he was gay or having an affair. No to both. He's just a very lost soul.

ll47ll 08/10/2008

Jean & Free,
how funny! No one asked me that. But almost all my friends and family said he was too controlling even when we were dating.

Lee

deleted_user 08/10/2008

I remember asking stbx if he was gay on the phone. Funny times.

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