Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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pattongb 03/05/2008

Look I know life isnt fair. I know divorce certainly isnt fair. But damn sometimes it just makes me so angry.

My stbxs boyfriend makes 2x what I make. He has been taking my stbx to dinner every night she dont have the kids, and this weekend they are flying out of town for the weekend. Of course he is courting her because she is a nice catch, and he is paying for everything.

So while I sit here, in my 2 bedroom apartment, driving my 12 year old car, broke with no money to even buy more laundry detergent; my stbx is having a great old time living it up, and not paying for a thing.

And she wonders why I cant get over my anger for her. Its so fricking unfair it makes me sick.

She actually had the balls to tell me tonight she was going to drop off my sons swimming suit for school tomorrow on her way to dinner with her boyfriend. I told her "if you are smart, you will drop him off at the restaurant first. If you are smart you wont bring him within 100 yards of me. I cant be blamed for what might happen if you pull up in my parking lot with the guy who is fucking my wife."

She dropped him off before she came over. I know I went out to the parking lot and checked. I told her "smart move."

Bitch.

deleted_user 03/05/2008

You cant spend your time worrying about what she is doing or getting or has. Look at what you do have as a positive instead of a negative. Once you begin to do that, you'll see you really do have alot. i know it's hard to put it aside but the bitterness is only going to eat you alive.

pattongb 03/05/2008

Yeah I do have to reach the point where I stop worrying about what she is doing, or caring.

But its only been 6 weeks. She has been doing this shit since the first night I moved out. It isnt like she just started doing it. So yeah im pissed off about it.

deleted_user 03/05/2008

You have to let that stuff go. It's hard, believe me, I know. I think about how thin and blonde my stbx's gf is and how she is the opposite of me, but I have a lot of things she doesn't have like morals and class for starters. Try to focus on your positives and remember we can only control our own emotions and actions...not anyone else's.

deleted_user 03/05/2008

I understand being angry but my point was just to try and start thinking of what you do have as having a lot.

deleted_user 03/05/2008

Yep. It's not fair, but you will have your time soon enough. You'll forget all about what she is doing. As far as the money thing goes. I relate. My stbx is Military. Me..nothing. SO yeah..i was stuck with crap as well. But, you see..we will succeed. They may have all this nice stuff, and nice outings and nice places to live, but they will reap what they have sewn. soon. :)

deleted_user 03/06/2008

You know, I wish I could get to the angry point! Yes, eventually you'll need to let go of it for your own good - but you will I think. Right now, I think it's totally normal and healthy to be feeling so much anger.
It does suck, ya know? And life isn't fair and it sucks even harder when it's kind of thrown in your face. And it sounds like that's kinda happening right now for you.
So I totally understand being pissed.
I say I wish I could be angry because it seems like I feel a bit stronger when I get mad; instead of living in this little weak cocoon of just feeling depressed and lonely and wanting him back.
But I can relate to having to watch him go on and live his life w/o me and it doesn't feel good - AT ALL.
It sucks to have to see that; especially when you weren't the one who wanted out or the one to break up or cheat. It really makes it tough to be able to focus on your own life and your own healing process.
In the meanwhile, you only have control over what you have control over - so in the ways that you can - try to minimize your exposure to hearing about and seeing what she's doing in her life. You don't need that thrown in your face.
So if she's telling you about these things - ask her to stop. There's no need for that.
I agree that bringing him over to your home, even if he's just in the car, isn't cool right now.
I don't know the details of course but I really do think that anything you can do to minimize your exposure to her life or what she's doing with this guy will give you more ability to focus your energy on your life.
And once you can focus more on you and what you want you'll be able to start moving your life in a better direction for your happiness. Until eventually, you won't care so much about what's going on with her anymore.

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