to start, I've had a relationship for a few months now which is long distance, we live two hours from each other. From the begining it has been a rocky situation where my boyfriend had trouble just listening to me when I vented and it often ended in fights where he would jump to the conclusion that I wanted to break up with him. Well that just piled onto my depression along with my sister running away to join a cult, my dads PTSD getting horrible to anyone in the room with him and I've been struggling with going back to school and paying bills. All I've wanted is someone to vent to and realize when I do vent I say things I never mean like, " I just feel like you deserve someone better than me," or , " I feel like I just cant handle things, sometimes I feel like I'm gonna die or I need to die."

I know, being dramatic but thats how I've always vented. Problem is my boyfriend took everything literally no matter how many times I told him I dont mean any of it. So it scared him and pretty bad. He's had friends die from suicide and girlfriends threaten him with suicied so he just cant handle it anymore. I scared and hurt him so bad by venting that he couldnt stop shaking for days and got physically ill thinking I would go through with it.

I am not suicidal in any way and never will be. So how did he handle this? 

a few weeks ago he told me we were breaking up becuase I was hurting him and I needed to seek help because he cant be a boyfriend and a therapist. He also told me he's had a crush on his long time friend and wanted to see if she felt the same And then IGNORED me for a week, during the weekend though he wanted to see me and tell me that he had lied about breaking up just to make me feel the same pain he went through everytime I said those things. well half lied, he still has a crush on his friend.

And so I thought everyhting was fine and it was for two days but then he texted me saying he was hurting again. All because I had told him I was getting help and I was opening up to him in healthier ways. he told me, " why couldnt you do this months ago when I first asked? This really hurts that now you listen when I had to hurt you." And stopped talking to me AGAIN for a week.

well I got a hold of him last night and made him talk to me like an adult and he flat out said I need to work on myself, stop being needy and get some real help for my problems.

So no matter how much I try to tell him I am getting help and I'm NOT suicidal he doesnt want to believe it. I may have hurt him pretty badly but im with one with the depression and he goes and pulls a stunt like that.

I am hurt, I am confused and I dont know what to do anymore.