Feeling so much better. When I look back over the past 4 1/2 months I can't believe how far I've come. I now KNOW that I will not only be OK, I will be great. I may not have liked the way he did it but it definitely was the right thing. 20 years and I would say for the past 15, just getting by. Not arguing, nothing ugly but just not enjoying each other, not having fun together, not connecting. I made a commitment to him and for me that was it, I never questioned it but I should have, we both should have. When I was out with very, very old friends on New Year's Eve, my girlfriend said to me, " I can't believe JoAnn is back. I thought I had lost her forever." You don't realize how much you're wrapping yourself up in another person and losing yourself, the self that that person fell in love with in the first place. I spent all my time worrying about his happiness, his needs, his wants and totally lost touch with mine.

And my needs aren't so bad. Someone to put his hand on the small of my back when we're walking, someone to listen to and really enjoy good music, sometimes even bad music, someone to LISTEN to me, someone to laugh WITH me, not at me, someone where everyday does not start out as a negative one, someone who if you disagree, doesn't make you wrong. I am so past wanting daily drama and negativity -- I will never live that way again, ever.

I'm going to publish this post for everyone to see rather than just my friends on DS so that the newbies can see that good really can come from what seems to be the end of your life. For some it may come faster than others and that's okay, just trust, trust, trust that it WILL be better. Love to all you, find your dreams, pamper yourself, you deserve it.