Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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HeaveToo 03/10/2009

I think that some of the things that makes the divorce process so painful is that there are memories of better times in the relationship. If the memories were all bad then the pain wouldn't be nearly as strong, but there is a reason why you fell in love with the ex.

Often times we feel lonely and hurt when the good memories come to mind. These are triggered by random things but the memories come out from time to time.

In my marriage there were some really good times. My ex was a lot of fun and a sweet person at one time. Part of the healing process is realizing that the person that you once loved no longer exists and they have been replaced by someone else.

What do you all think of this?

deleted_user 03/10/2009

Yep, I fully agree with your thoughts. I get lonely when I think of the man I used to know. The things I tolerated when we first got married progressively worsened as the years went on. He changed. I grew up. I miss the man I married. But I also do not want the man he turned into back. He can be all sweet and happy on the phone when he talks to the kids but I know that he can only handle them for a few days at a time before his selfishness and resentment will settle in.

--Sara

deleted_user 03/10/2009

Here's what I think......for me and my ex - I think that person I loved and have good memories with still exists. I jsut don't get that side of him anymore. He is giving it to someone else. He hasn't morphed into this completely different person - he is just different to ME. I'm sure his girlfreind gets the wonderful, fun, kind, sweet side of him....the parts he used to give me - a lifetime ago. But the same goes for me. He does not get the happy, silly, loving side of me anymore either. Goes both ways, I guess.

deleted_user 03/10/2009

Sure. That is exactly it.
I miss the old her.
Who she is now, is not the person I want to be with.

I am getting over who she is now.
I still miss the old her all the time.

But being alone makes that harder.
If I find someone new, I will be more at peace. It will help me realize that it's time to move on I suppose.

But I won't do that till we are officially/legally over.

I am not going to be like her.

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