I suppose I would miss stuff if I hadn't already felt like a single parent while married. Getting divorced didn't change my life that much...I was already feeling like I was on my own, and the divorce was the formality of it.
I can genuinely say I don't miss him. I don't miss any of it. Sure, I sometimes feel bad my kid's parents are divorced, but I also know how much it sucked when we were married, and I wouldn't want to put my kid through that.
I almost feel like I was meant to marry him in order to learn the lessons and see the good in what comes from divorcing him.

L,

That's why this site is so helpful. It lets you know you are not alone that you are normal and there others just like you. I was a complete and total basket case until I found this place.

TML,

That's a good summary of the complexity of the loss. I wish you peace and hope that time will help you move on to a happier place in your life.

What I DONT miss:

Knowing Im being lied to
Waiting up wondering where he is
control issues
horrible sex(just being honest)
making light of his flaws when in reality they are HUGE!
Im sure ill think of more : )

@ sadinthesouth You hit the nail on the head. I miss the inside jokes that only he and I would know and I miss knowing that he was the only one that could make our daughter burp when a baby...sigh...we had so many good times it's so hard to wrap myself around the fact he had three affairs and one of them was my friend. 20 years of marriage down the drain because of ...sexual addiction...I always thought that was a cop out until now. I miss him but just cant go back :(
I just finished mowing the lawn it got sad...I have never done it before this summer and cant even open the GD gas jug. it's the little things I miss and took for granted. :(

Reading this brought out the tears, I can relate. I too miss the inside jokes, date nights, waking up next to my best friend every morning, good night kisses, I could go on for a while..

But I dont miss the lies, playing both the mother and father role, empty promises, the addictions, etc.

The hardest part is to watch him share the things I miss the most with his new girlfriend.

I miss all of those things too but most of all I miss the promises that we made to eachother, the hopes and dreamswe had, the life that was supposed to be mine. I am still not sure what the true turning point was and how the decision making process went for him but at each point along the way his choices did not support the relationship and the one in his life that was supposed to be "the one and only". I looked at every acheivement as a shared success and each set back a shared loss but he now thinks it is all his for some reason. There is no value on what I did and the sacrifices I made to my own life and career in order to support his. It is also very painful to see that he has made all the changes that would have kept our marriage together for his mistress. In the end tho if he did not want to invest anything back into the relationship then he needs to deal with any consequences that come his was because of the choices that he made. I need to focus on what is best for me going forward.

I'm sorry that your so sad. I miss a lot of different things too, but try to look at the things I don't miss. So I don't feel so sad.

You are growing and becoming a new person, just like the rest of us. I hope to become the best person I can be. I want to be comfortable in my own skin again and happy with me. It will come. You'll see. (Hugs)

I feel your pain....I am so down right now that I haven't eaten in 5 days....I don't know how to be alone! I have been in a relationship since I was 21 and I am 43 now. How do I learn now, 22 years later, how to be on my own? Sucks big time!!!! Good luck to you.... I hope that we both somehow find a way out of the pain....

I hear you Jayne. I'm about the same age, been with someone just about all of my adult life. In a way it's kind of neat as you get to reinvent yourself. This is what I try to focus on but at the end of the day I am still alone and that truly s*cks! (((hugs))) it does get better.

Me too! :(
TML - yes, "I miss the intimacy emotional, spiritual and physical."
Charlotta - yes, "the biggest thing I miss, are my shattered dreams for the future"
Sigh.
My future will just be different. Maybe it will be better. Who knows?

Karen - LOL! "Hang in there- even whale shit eventually changes into something else!" Yup--fossilized whale shit! (Or... food for the bottom of the food chain, and eventually works its way up to the top of the food chain!)

I miss being able to talk without a keyboard, miss the sweet aroma she filled the house with, can't buy that scent. I miss her giggle laugh, the crinkling of her nose. I miss her coffee. Lots of little things I miss, many I will not miss.

remarkable the transformation from what we knew to what we must be...from that...pain....and through that we become so much more than we were.

Well said Sylph....well said.

yes....it is way too sad, as i pack those million pictures of memories of 20 years together i womder...where do all those memories go? were they lost forever? or do they stay forever in our souls, in our kids skin or brain, or is it even going to influence their future...it is just so sad....the loss of the good memories and the aborting of the future memories and dreams together....
i know my kids and i will cresate a new life without him in the picture, and we will be better off by not having an actor/impostor/traitor/enemy among us....