Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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thiscantbeit 01/19/2017

It's so hurtful when you are reduced to just "good sex". Here you are missing them, still loving them, wishing that they would love you in return and realize how much they need you and reach out. But when they finally do reach out it's for them to turn around and tell you how all they can think about is the sex and how they miss it. How they imagine themselves coming to your house and having their way with you. Meanwhile, several times over, you have expressed all your pain and shared what you wished for them to do. Yet, not once do they tell you how they miss you or how they do love you, but they can bring themselves to tell you how they miss the sex. God, I don't understand what I have done in my life to deserve to be reduced to that by the person that I've loved the most ever. After everything that I've given what's most valuable about me to them is sex. This happened a while ago. Yet, as much as Ive tried to ignore it, that just dug the dagger in deeper. I really don't get it. My heart, God help me!

ripped_my_heartout 01/19/2017

Sorry to hear, it sounds like when he left he thought the grass would be greener. Lots of sex for the single guy he must of thought. He must have been wrong. He's looking for some. Stay strong don't give in. He just wants his release and move on. You miss the love and passion, he just misses getting off. You know you are more than that. Smile and stay strong :) -HUGS-

monsolo 01/19/2017

Well, at least you acknowledge that this is happening. You know the difference between just sex and a caring partner. Sounds like he is taking you for granted. He may actually care for you, but is focussed on just one of things he misses. Or not. Whichever, it's good to hear that you know the difference. And you can try to create the relationship that you want in the future.

thiscantbeit 01/19/2017

Thank you both for your comments. I too am glad that I am mature enough to know better. I know that I mean more than that which is why I was able to be strong and not give in. Thank God. However, it doesn't take away from the pain that it causes me. It hurts me so much to love someone the way I do and that not be valued. As much as I would have loved to have that life partner, I don't know if I am willing to take the chance of ever going through this again. Fear supersedes my desire for a love. And truly, at this point, outside of this situation I don't feel anything. I just have to continue to pray. - Hugs

jimthzz 01/19/2017

OK, at least he didn't stop by for you to do his laundry? ;)

I know, not a time for humor. Sorry.

He wanting sex may or may not mean he has no other feelings for you. Most men express their desire for their woman that way, regardless of whether there is more to it than just sex.

So try not to overlay your own female experience of how to connect. It is valid for yourself, it may not be for him, he's a man.

Good luck.

thiscantbeit 01/19/2017

Hey Jimthzz, No worries, I can appreciate the humor. ;)
I know that men tend to relate more physically where women relate more "emotionally". And I know that with him, this is absolutely true. For the most part I have always been able to navigate it. But it's the way it was done this time that made it hurtful. I guess everything about this situation hurts. When it's all said and done, my love and investment wasn't valued, my heart wasn't protected, and the betrayal has swallowed up anything else that existed throughout our relationship. It's just a difficult thing to come to terms with that I'm here.
I hope you are well though. ;) - Hugs

BeautyBeholder 01/19/2017

You will get through this tough moment, I know the feeling of the realisation of what value you really hold for someone. I had to be truthful to myself about what importance my stbx really gave me in his life... and it wasn't much. That was a hard pill to swallow and it devastated me. To be perfectly honest what helped me was a few things and it all started with loving myself more, constantly telling myself "wtf I deserve way better", once I did that the hurt turned into disbelief and then I began to feel that I deserved way better. I am still struggling with letting go of the thought of all I had invested into the relationship ( It's mostly the time and money I think about) but now it's more like " Hey I put a lot into this and I didn't get what I expected out of it and it's not my fault, I'm so much more than what he thinks of me"
Now, I frankly don't care what he thinks of me because HE is not as important to me anymore.
Letting go of how much he means to you may help you regain the self confidence you need to see that in the end his thoughts on your value, don't really matter.
HUGS

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