Get out now!! You cannot tolerate violence no matte how scared. Do you have a place to go? A friend, a relative? Do not lose your will!! Get help where you can find it.

He left, My brother promised to come. I'm just so lost right now.

I haven't slept and I can't stop crying. I just don't know if I have the strength in me anymore to go on. I tried so hard to keep this marriage but it's pointless.

When does the crying, hurting, pain stop?

The crying, hurting, pain will not stop for a while. But it depends on you. No one can tell you how long you should grieve for the death of a marriage. However, the sooner you start focusing on making yourself a better person, the sooner you realize that you deserve someone who treats you well, the sooner you realize that the person you married no longer exists, the sooner you will be able to begin your recovery.

I am so sorry you are gping through this, sounds similar to my situation. Married 23 years, husband is a binge drinker, that has affected our marriage over the years. It's exhaustin and I now want peace in my life and that means ending our marriage. It's devastating even though it's what has to be done, I also don't have any friends local, we just knew couples, and my family is not local. Older 2 boys moved out and my youngest is 15. I work from home so I don't have co workers to lean on. This site has helped me a little and I started counseling today. This is a very painful.difficult thing, but I am trying to stay positive and take one day at a time. I hope you can do the same.

I am agreeing with cleigh and maize here, you need to get out now. As cleigh says, the crying, hurting and pain will not go away overnight, it takes time for that and it may take a long time. You need to focus on you and do what is best for you. I was with my husband for almost 12 years and like you my stbx like to drink. However, it got to the point in our marriage, that came first. While it never got violent, I got tired of not feeling I was first in his life. It has been almost 4 months since he left, but I am not going to lie, there are bad days that are the hardest but I look at how far I have come and think about what my future may possibly look like. Get into counseling because that has helped me in so many ways that I never thought possible. I know its a lot to process, but talking to people on here helps as well so sending lots of hugs your way and know that it will get better because you have to believe that you are strong!

It's like a repetitive nightmare. The last time he binged I told my brother that it almost got physical and that I was afraid of the next time. My brother didn't believe it would come to that. He told me he just binge drinks but he loves you. I was so right. I just feel my world imploding today. I know I can't be married to the stranger he has become but this is not where I want to be. My heart is broken, my mind tells me to move on and yet the confusion of both makes me want to just stop hurting, I don't want to feel anything anymore.

LogansLola--I thought my husband loved me too but like I said the alcohol took over. In the last few weeks before we split, my husband also gave me the "I love you but I am not in love with you" speech. You talking about a dagger to the heart, first, I am not first in your life then you tell me you are not in love with me? That was a double whammy for me so I had to make a decision for the both us. When he left, I pretty much knew it was over and done with. I think the thing that hurt me most in all of this is the fact that he broke a promise to me.

I felt like a failure in the first few weeks we were apart because I made a promise to him for better or worse, in sickness and in health, til death do us part. However, I realized later that if he left and decided that the alcohol and his friends was more important then it was time for me to move on and pick up the pieces that he broke. I deserve to be important not on the back burner and I am slowly starting to believe that. However, there are days self doubt creeps in and I think to myself, did I make a big mistake? I believe that everything happens for a reason and this is one of these things that I was dealt. However, I also believe that karma has a way of coming back around. :) Stay strong!

I know it's over. There is no respect and although we grew up together, had some great times and love him, I know it's not a healthy love. I just have no desire for tomorrow or the day after. I feel isolated. Two grown sons that are tired of the drinking, the fighting. One blames me, the other blames his dad and neither wants to hear it anymore. I should have left a long time ago, now I have nothing and no one. It was always his friends, his family, where we should live, who we socialized with. My friends don't want to hear it, they are tired of his binges, the fighting, the promises he makes to me to get help. I stopped going to events, gatherings to prevent him from drinking and yesterday he left work early to go get drunk. No phone call, text message or email. He drove like that too. My son bought a breathalyzer kit so that I could stop him from driving so I made him take it and it was a chilling to see the results. He could have killed someone. AA asked him to leave the program when he told the members he didn't have a problem and he wasn't going to stop, he wasn't like them, he could handle it. They were shocked he hasn't gotten a DUI but that's because I've been driving. Now he'll have to do it himself. They do say alcoholics always kill the innocent, I'm living proof. Tomorrow I'll have to face my reality.

You have to realize that your husband is choosing to make alcohol first. He isn't thinking about anyone but himself at this point, unfortunately. I have come to realized that it is only going get worse before it gets better if it gets to that point. You can't make your husband do anything and that is something I have had to accept with my situation. He has made his decision and it is best for me to move on. However, with my personality, me being an introvert, I am having to create a new life for me which means new friends, hopefully a new job closer to family and create the life that I want it to be. I made the mistake of putting my husband on a pedestal and now I am trying to figure out how not to do that again. I loved too deeply but unfortunately, it wasn't returned. My husband isn't a bad guy its just I feel he has his priorities all out of whack but I dont want to wait around for him to figure it out. Please consider getting some counseling for you and do journaling because I won't lie to you there are going to be plenty of rough days ahead and you need a way to vent. This board is a good start but the other two things I mentioned have helped me as well. I am here if you need me :)

Everything you wrote is exactly how I feel, experienced and lived. I guess I had hope, faith, the belief that he would change but it's never going to happen.

I'm watching Risky Drinking on HBO and I feel it's my documentary. Thank you all for the comments, support and advice.