Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

13,009 Members

100,360 Posts

0 Online

Leftbehind20 04/26/2018

So bit of a back story first. My partner and I were together for 19 years, he went to work out of town for a few months, within 2 months of being back home he was saying he was unhappy in his life and wanted a trial separation. Well that turned into an actual separation of 18 months. During the whole time he kept telling me he didn't know what he wanted, he was lost etc. I kept asking if he was involved with this girl that he became friends with while out of town. He swore to me he wasn't!!

Found out last month that was all a lie!! So I've been devasted that I was holding on to hope believing we could work things out!

During the months that we were apart I've been receiving nasty messages from her or someone claiming to be her on facebook. I Kept calling him out on them & he kept saying it wasn't her. Not sure who it was, that she had been hacked. Even though the most recent one was from an account she apparently just made.

Well tonight she texted me to say it wasn't her. Well I told her I didn't believe someone who could get involved with someone who was married, she says he told her he's never been married (we've never legally tied the knot cause we always said we didn't need a piece of paper, we both wore rings though), that he was single. I told her this and also told her that we celebrated our 19th anniversary after he met her. I also told her that until recently he told me he wasn't involved with her. I ask her when they started hooking up she said July (our anniversary is in August) she asked for proof that we were still together in August so I showed her a picture taken on our anniversary from my Instagram so the date was on it. I also sent her a picture of an email from this February where he says he doesn't know what he wants, he needs to think about us, that him renting a place of his own doesn't mean it's the end for us. So she says thanks and that she will be walking away.

Well now he is pissed at me!! I'm sorry but I believed his lies for 18 months and because she contacted me and I told her the truth of his lies I am the one in the wrong?? I'm being vindictive?? He is done with me!! Maybe if he wasn't lying to everyone this wouldn't have happened! Maybe if he was honest from the beginning!!! But no I am the bad guy in all of this!!! Maybe if he had cared this much for me and our relationship this wouldn't have happened! Maybe if he had respected me enough he would have told me the truth from the beginning.

The stupid part is I still love him. I don't think I want him back anymore but I do still love him.

finallyawakenow 04/26/2018

I think it’s awesome that you had the chance to shine the light of reality right at his fantasy life. And that the girl was wise enough to drop him. Obviously he was spinning quite a story. Probably because the truth can’t be spoken by him about anything. He must be very confused. And completely selfish. Cheating is such a cruel act to the person who has been THE one. I took my wife back over a decade ago following her affair and I see now what a mistake I made. It damaged me so badly that only now an I healing. Please don’t hurt yourself like I did. I am working things out with her now but until she can really recommit to us, I don’t know if we can stay together. Sort of a LONG term breakup. It’s taken us twelve years to get here. And while we do love eachother dearly, I don’t think she ever wanted marriage.

Leftbehind20 04/26/2018

Thank you for your words. Before learning all this I was interested in seeing if we had anything left. But I guess we really don't. I actually feel a sort of calmness now that I know the truth. Though it still hurts to know that we aren't going to be together again.

finallyawakenow 04/26/2018

Ps. I wouldn’t be surprised that if he can’t crawl back in bed with her that he’ll say he wants to ‘fix’ things with you. I know you are feeling so much hurt and loneliness, but he will be lonely too on top of hating himself. Not your job to make him feel better. It’s his pit he dug for himself. You never have to jump in there too! Remember to breathe and give yourself some peace. Even if for a moment.

finallyawakenow 04/26/2018

See right there. The calmness of knowing that you made a decision. That is something I never had. Even though I ‘got’ her back, it wasn’t for me really. I see now that it has been a half hearted attempt at staying together. But the affection was gone and I was broken. I have finally been able to drive the images out of my head. And that took all my will and a very healthy lifestyle. One where I can be proud of myself for my accomplishments. And start to rebuild my self confidence. I wish you all the best. I have fear of being alone of course, but I think I will be ok now. That’s a big step for me. You will be ok too. Say that to yourself over and over.

julieamari 04/26/2018

Hi, I'm Julie, I have never been married.... BUT I have been cheated on A LOT... That calmness..... that is your heart telling you "it's ok, time to start over, it's over, everything is going to be ok, and it's time to move on." - I have had to start over more than a few times, and believe me, you are going to feel SOOO much better within I would say two to three months after you are 100% over.

Join the Conversation