Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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STex 10/04/2016

So we are still living under the same roof and it has been difficult trying to keep things upbeat, but I AM TRYING. This morning I asked if she thought she was going to ever want to work on"us" and she said she could not answer that. I asked if she wanted me to move out, she said no, but this is not how she wanted to start her day. While out on her morning run she sent me this text.

"I am sorry for this morning...can we please just take this one step at a time and right now just try to be happy in the house? It took a long time to reach this place and it cannot change overnight. I will do better about my communication with you...I do love and care about you very much even though you think I don't. I am sorry that it seems that I am being selfish right now...I will work on that as well. I know you are working you too and that makes me happy"

Why didn't I try to work on this sooner? Why did I let my depression destroy everything? I am so scared I will end up with nothing good in my life.

Minidogs2 10/04/2016

It sounds like you both have some hope it can work out. It seems like a good idea to focus on yourself and not pressure her at all. Wishing you all the best. If you Both want to work on it, it would be a good idea to find a good marriage counselor. You are in a scary place that could go either way.

Misred 10/04/2016

Well it sounds like she is willing to do some work and that is a good thing. I remember when my EX and I were having issues and he asked, "how can I fix this?" It seems that guys are 'fixers." Perhaps you need to back off with the questions (I know that is hard) and keep working on you. If you need some sort of dialog about it, ask if you two can set aside time on a weekly or semi-monthly basis and talk about the relationship. She may be just trying to sort out her feelings and fears she may say something now that she may later regret because she's changed her mind about it. You know how us women are LOL.

Eevee 10/04/2016

Can't worry about the what ifs. Try not to think about tomorrow. Focus on right now. One step at a time. I know that's easier said than done. Perhaps this will help center you …

… They say if you always reflect on the past, you're depressed. If you're always thinking about the future and what if, you're anxious. If you're mindful about the current moment, you're happy.

STex 10/04/2016

You are completely right, I want to "fix" this and I do have too many questions. A friend told me he would only move out if he thought it was completely over. I will try to consciously make an effort to give her time to process. I know she is also desperately trying to hold on to our only son as well because he is graduating high school and going to college really far away. The stresses in our life right now are beyond comprehension. I read a funny quote that said "if God will only send you what he thinks you can handle, then He must think I am a real badass."

STex 10/04/2016

Eevee you are so right. This is the very message from church this past Sunday. Thanks for the encouragement.

mirandac 10/04/2016

You are in a very bad spot right now, just
Focus on you. You are the only one that you
Can fix or change. You have no control over
Your wife as you know or the course of Your
marriage. I would just keep moving forward
As you doing and taking it one day to a time.
HUGS

chasingstar 10/04/2016

I would rather receive a text like that than no text at all and rather than "I already gave up. I don't love you anymore. I don't know if there is a chance. I don't want to work things out right now." We live together but she only stays at home half the time like every other day she's home (that's the pattern right now) but I can't tell if she'll be home on the weekends. So, if I were you, I would be very patient with her. Love unconditionally and it sounds like you can still show some sweetness and can still give a hug from time to time. In my case, sweetness is not annoying to her and any form of physical caress is not welcomed. Don't fall apart. Be happy around her. Impress her with what you do at work or for yourself. Don't over do it. Just be natural and genuinely mean the effort of bettering yourself and yourself with her.

samantha717 10/04/2016

It sounds to me like there is hope. You need to stop focusing so much on her though and your relationship. Put your focus on YOU instead and all that other stuff will fall into place. Are you in counseling?

STex 10/04/2016

You all know that our minds are our worst enemy. My brain starts to question and of course puts all kind of negative and spin on everything. It is so draining. I will continue to work on me, focusing on the positive, getting exercise and creating little moments of happiness. We are impatient creatures by nature, I will work on it. As far as counseling, I am waiting on a trusted counselor to get back into town. I will continue to pray through the darkness and humble myself.

kbbcoop77 10/04/2016

Yeah it's hope...but I would be wary of her direction. Personally I wouldn't want to do the eggshell walk too long. Is she committed or isn't she? If she's checked out she may just not want to blow it all up yet. This keeps you dancing the "pick me dance"...I only speak from personal experience. I would want some kind of answer so as I knew I wasn't wasting my time in false hope. I spent almost 8 months being sure we were gonna reconcile and it never happened.

mirandac 10/04/2016

My ex did not really try for any true reconciliation
He just went underground and did not say Much
For a year. Who knows what He was doing during
that time. Nothing good for our marriage thats for
sure.

It was the best thing when he asked for a divorce
I am still Unknown if it ever got physical doesnt
matter one Bit he was cheating in his heart and
not honoring His vows, he had bonded with another
Woman who was not his wife that i know for a fact.
I needed no more information than that. HUGS

jimthzz 10/04/2016

OK, I'm of a differrent mind set on this. Why the heck to you have to act happy when you are not? Keeping up appearances? I would advise against it.

Instead, find a way to have one of you move out. Being separated in the same house? It's really about one of you, the one who suggests it, either trying desperately to "fix things" a little too late, or one of you deciding to punish the other by acting single while married--in your face.

Better, would be to move out and have some dignity.

ClearDay1 10/04/2016

I'm with kbbcoop again.

To use my own words, you may very well just be being played because this is the way it's more convenient for HER at the moment.

This is what us women usually have to deal with.

Why is SHE calling all the shots here?

I apologize if I'm wrong because I don't remember your whole story, I've been going through a lot myself. But it seems to me she's trying to keep her life on as much of an even keel as possible, even if it means placating you a bit.

I wouldn't want my feelings dangling out there for someone to play with.

STex 10/04/2016

Coop, jim, clear day I have to be honest I was kinda angry with you guys this morning. Because that is not what I wanted to hear in the moment. She has me apologizing for her cheating with my best friend? What the heck is wrong with me? Maybe I just needed to grieve and get it out of my system. But after my 2.5 hour walk I started really processing and stopped feeling sorry for myself and finally got mad. I need to stay here until the house sells, I can do that. I have my big boy pants on now and I will no longer beg. I am ok if it works or not. Thanks for pulling my head out of my butt.

ClearDay1 10/04/2016

Im honest with my replies here because I hate it when people are taken advantage of and used emotionally.

Because I was. And that hurts A LOT. And you feel like a dumbass on top of it.

I didn't remember she cheated on you, and no you shouldn't be apologising here.

I'm sorry you have to go through this and hope you can navigate this in as healthy a manner as possible.

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