My ex called me the other day breaking his two month silence and said he's finally ready to talk. It hit me really hard to hear his voice but I still talked to him over the phone and discussed why we broke up. This is what I had wanted from the start so that I could figure things out. However, he claims it took him so long to come out of his personal space because I kept calling him so much after he had given me closure three seperate times. I told him that was bull because I dont remember him ever saying to my face that he was done, I remember him cutting off communication with me without explanation and I had to hear from a friend that he was done with me alltogether. Of course I called him multiple times trying to understand what had happened when I thought things were fine and we were gonna take things slow. But each time I called he would run to a friend and say I was being clingy, psychotic and would convince his friends and family that I was a wreck.

He says he did tell me he had given me closure before he just up and left and I had to agree with him then apologise  so that we didnt have another fight. We both went over how we put the other through hell. How He couldnt be there for me and would lash out whenever I would try to open up to him and how he made me feel afraid of him. He would always assume I wanted to break up and at times I cant blame him for thinking that because I was in a dark place and the way I worded things such as, " somtimes I think you deserve someone better," or " what if with me working and going to school we drift apart? Is it selfish of me to keep you to myself when we barely see each other?"

It still hurts that he firmly believes I'm suicidal all because ONE TIME I had said I felt like dieing because of all this stress. I told him countless times that when I vent I never EVER mean the horrible or cruel things I say its just me getting it all out of my system. But he took it far more seriously than a normal person would and now no matter how hard I try to tell him I'm not suicidal and have people to vouch for that he doesnt care. He firmly believes he knows what he's talking about and still thinks he's gonna get a call someday saying I went through with it.

Although I'm happy he finally decided to face me and talk to me about this whole thing its only proven a few things. First, he's a hypocrite when he says he needs emotional stability from a girlfriend when he himself is emotionally unstable. Second I was right, its always gonna have to be on his terms when we talk, otherwise I'll look like I'm desperate and he will have ammo to show everyone that I'm crazy for trying to get answers. And lastly he is still so full of himself. He claims that he 'gave' me his friends group and backed off and that it was the nicest thing he could ever do for me. Saying thats part of the reason why he disapeared for a few months. He still over analysed things I was trying to discuss with him and claimed I was trying to make him feel bad so I had to apologise for that too. Jesus I dont know if it would be a good idea to even be friends with someone like this regardless of how I still think he could be a good person underneath his ego.