Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
My former husband and I were divorced on 6/2/09 to me that was a monumental day- a day when I was no longer legally bound or obligated to this man. He, on the other hand, did not see it as any big deal- nothing really (apparently) changed in his mind. We may be legally divorced, but apparently he thinks he still has all of the same rights and consideration from me as he did when we were married. I am friendly and civil- but I do keep him at arms length and I am very cautious around him (he is a narcissist and is always out only for himself). I do not consider us friends- but we do have to have some contact because although I have full custody of our children- he visits them and I want to ensure that the kids see us demonstrating a respectful interaction (although he may not always hold up his end of the bargain). I guess what I am finding weird is his need to keep me in his life. I am his ex-wife why is it so important that we be such good friends (he has referred to me as his best friend the only person he can really talk to). I really dont want this role, its not a healthy role for me- but he doesnt really honor any boundaries I set- and he can also get really ugly with me and take it out on the kids when I am firm about boundaries. My theory is that he views me like a mother to him- I am the one person in his life that knows ALL of his warts- and I still loved him unconditionally (while we were still married). He doesnt have a close relationship with any of his family or guy friends and he wont reveal his true self to any new woman he meets- so he is left feeling lonely and isolated. So my fear is that his default setting is me. I will never be rude or mean to him, but I dont want him to call me to whine, vent or to seek comfort when his life is in turmoil. His current girlfriend is as dysfunctional as he is- so he is always on an emotional roller-coaster with her and I can count on getting a phone call every ten to fourteen days. How is it appropriate to use your ex wife this way? (I dont ever ask questions or encourage the discussion either and I NEVER call him for anything other than scheduling issues with the kids- and thats only after he hasnt replied to email).
Do you think I am completely off base? I just dont get it and although I have been warned that as his secondary narcissist supply source he will always keep me in his life- I would like to find a way to extricate myself from this unhealthy cycle. He really needs to move on completely- and I am moving on.. Has anyone else had this experience, and what did you do about it? Thanks!
Do you think I am completely off base? I just dont get it and although I have been warned that as his secondary narcissist supply source he will always keep me in his life- I would like to find a way to extricate myself from this unhealthy cycle. He really needs to move on completely- and I am moving on.. Has anyone else had this experience, and what did you do about it? Thanks!
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My 6mo twin DD's are EBF and just started rice cereal on the first. Everything has been going fine except this morning one of them had a diaper rash (lots of redness around her anus). I read this as one of the signs of an allergy. BUT I did just buy a different brand diaper yesterday (which they have used randomly before w/no issues). Do you think its the cereal or the diaper? Im ready to start...
Like you I know my ex better than anyone. And I think he's really recognizing this now....now that it's too late.
It's a "mommy" thing.
"Best friend" equates to person I can dump on when my "girlfriend" doesn't understand.
Two words.
Fuck that.
I wouldn't support this behavior. It's not in any benefit to the children, and it's more an anchor around your next. I'd tell him to call Mommy, I am not interested.
-next +neck.
This has been my area of difficulty.
Figure out what you want. Set the boundaries. Tell him about the boundaries. Tell him what the consequences will be for ignoring them. He will test the boundaries because he has none.
Its a lot like trying to get your kid to sleep in a "big kid" bed for the first night. You need to keep putting them back. It is worth the effort though.
Good luck hun.
It ain't happenin'.