Was this all of a sudden ? Keep a daily journal. If you find stuff out keep to yourself and collect the info. If you tell her what you find out as you go you will make it harder to find out things.

I would suggest that next time she says that she "cancelled because its not worth having you upset with her" that you thank her for that instead of changing your mind and telling her she can go. That shows that you really did not mean what you said. By telling her that you did not feel comfortable her doing that, you are setting a boundary. She realized that if she did go to that appointment, that she would be stepping over that boundary and disrespecting you. She may be wanting to kick things back up in your marriage by buying new clothes and looking good for you.

orangeblast, I appreciate the input, but she's not doing it for me without any doubt.

Johnny, this has been all happening for the past few months. She's also been working late quite a bit.

My gut tells me she's cheating. I want to know before I go into divorce proceedings.

YEP, get tested for STDS, try and look at her phone or at least your bill and find the "number"
be nice, gather all evidence, then go for full custody

I don't want to say she's cheating because these are some of the things a woman might do if she feels like she's really let herself go, gotten into a rut and wants to move in a more positive direction. It sounds like maybe a midlife crisis or something similar to that at the very least. She's ready for some positive change in her life.

I think you made the right decision by changing your mind about the waxing appointment. You really don't the right to vote on what you wife does with her own bodily hygiene. That's stepping right over the boundary of what is right in your fear that she's cheating.

I suppose my real question is if she has asked you for a separation, why haven't you talked about why? If the two of you had talked about that, then you wouldn't be left wondering what was going on. Aren't you even going to suggest marriage counseling?

Thanks gutted. We've talked about it. From the those conversations your idea could be what is happening here. I just have a real hard time buying that when I take into account all the late nights she's been "working", but I guess In the end it really doesn't matter and I should probably should putting energy into this.

Speaking as a woman in an unhappy, unhealthy marriage for the last 10 of 15 years, I reached a point where I was feeling unattractive and unwanted. I do think the new doo and new wardrobe was probably to make herself feel better, more attractive and sexy again.

I have never had a Brazilian wax (and probably never will) ...but I can't quite understand the reasoning for that? (Sounds fishy to me.)

My stbx hasn't touched me for over 10 years, there was very little communication and absolutely no help. With all I am missing, I still could not cheat. I had to mention and start divorce before I could even consider that (in my mind)....I believe you may be right about her thinking as well.

I understand where she is coming from... wanting and needing a positive change. As Gutted mentioned....question is....could she find these changes with you (if you both tried counseling?) IMHO I think (if she is not yet with another man) she is at the very least on the prowl.

As you said...you may be wasting your time and energy worrying about this...but what you need to figure out now while there is still time is whether you want to try to save your marriage (and is she willing to try as well?)

I wish you the best of luck with this whole situation..

Working may be her way of avoiding being home and dealing with whatever aspect of her marriage she wants to separate over. If she is paid by the hour, it may be a way of earning more to support her separation. Then again, she could be getting recognition from her peers or supervisors and if her cup is empty, this may prompt her to work longer and harder to get the recognition and warm fuzzies, she isn't getting other places in her life.

Based on what you write I'm not necessarily convinced she's cheating. I have sure (sadly enough) developed my senses for cheaters but in your case it could be and it may not be.
It's possible that she has felt neglected by herself and that she actually does this to feel more self confident it she could be cheating.
She may be so regardless I wouldnt sit around I would recommend to get STD tested asap to be safe
BUT you're saying you are separating. Does it really matter at this point. It sure would matter if you 2 would want to work things out yes bit if your in the process of separation why do you torture yourself with this traumatizing question. Is it truly cheating if you are separated if she would be seeing someone? Don't get me wrong I'm strongly against and severely traumatized by betrayal myself. But you are separating and I don't think it's in anyone's interest to really keep causing her or spy on her.
Unfortunately there are kids involved. As hard as it is i hope both of you can put them first. Even if she is cheating which is horrible it doesn't make her a bad mom. Do going for full custody is NOT in the best interest if the kids. See if there's any way for the 2 of you to separate in a decent way. You surely can ask her to not meet any men as long as you 2 still live together or untill the divorce is final. Hopefully she gives you tgat decency after so many years together. I wish you the best ad hatd as it is try redirecting your focus on trying to build urself up. Grab a drink or movie with a friend join a sportclub etc. And meanwhile try to be a decent parents as you 2 can manage as you will be stuck forever.

When she buying match bras and panties, a whole new wardrobe and a Brazilian wax... she’s cheating. She doesn’t need to get a Brazilian wax if she’s worried about her hygiene. She can just shave it. She has someone to show so she wants it done right.

I’m so sorry if I sound super insensitive, but I don’t want you to be in denial. When my husband started dying his Grey hair and getting new underwear in every color of the rainbow I though he just wanted to change up a bit. I was wrong and that’s why I’m now divorced.

Check her phone, her phone records, photo library. Look for other signs as well. Such as is she looking in the mirror more often than usual, giggling while texting in the corner of a room, taking more selfies of herself than of the kids, etc etc.

I don't know your SW personality but go with your gut. . I hope she doesn't become an angry person. If she does tread carefully and don't be triggered. Hope for the best and plan for the worst. Focus on the kids and your well being.

So many replies on here are correct!!!

There are so many possibilities. She could be doing all of this to make herself feel sexier, she could b working late hours to avoid home life...

She could be seeing someone else too.

Remember this: DO NOT search her phone, DO NOT try stalking her... and if she is cheating, do not try to seek full custody as retribution like someone said in here. Honestly, if she doesn't want to be with you, then move on, build a happier life for yourself. Remember though, the kids should not be brought in to the middle of this - try joint custody as the best solution.

STALKING! Honestly, if she has asked to separate, you owe each other nothing - there is nothing to gain by stalking and snooping to find out if she's cheating; either way, you're breaking up, why need to know if she's seeing someone else, it gains nothing but more hearts break for you honestly. Also, if you get into her personal things, you're often committing a crime and if she finds out, there is n reversing the fate of the relationship.

Someone above mentioned boundaries and the wax ordeal. Seriously bad advice. Neither of you should ever set boundaries on what you can do with your own body. It's honestly none of your business what she waxes or what you end up extending, pumping or snipping... It's your own bodies and suppressing and controlling will end a divorce all the time.

Now for the none academic response/ gut feeling... If asked for an arbitrary number /possibilities... Shes met someone else. Any sudden change to your sex life is often said to a case of cheating. Many spouses will overcompensate in either direction. Begin to bop you a lot out of guilt or not bop you at all because they would feel guilty giving themselves to someone else when they're emotionally attached to someone else. Being married plays no bearing in ones feeling for people. In this case, I am willing to bet she is attached to someone else, and as a result, having sex with you would make her feel like she's betraying her new partner.

Working ate hours could be a result of her seeing him or staying away from home life if it makes her feel uncomfortable.

Sexing up could be to be appealing to her new partner or to boost her self-esteem.

The biggest indicator I see is the sudden breakup and sudden cut off of sex.
There a slight twist to this though... She may have decided she just doesn't want to be with anyone - cutting you off to assure you this is what she wants. By having sex with you, she might be worried this will reassure you that things are repairable - she may be trying to prevent that emotion.

Its impossible to know. I would seriously try to be an adult about this and tell her its ok to tell you if she's seeing someone else, and if she is, you would like to have the option to move on or each other seek counseling to work through it. In the end, I would present her with two options: She breaks it off with him and we seek to therapy or we move on. Being a cuck is not an option. You need to communicate through, let her know what the options are. This will hopefully have her open up, enabling you both to make intelligent decisions.

Too many couples do not communicate, which enables bad decision making, unneeded heartbreak. confusion... Tell her what you're open to, do not display anger but let her know where you hurt.

don't think with what you wan to be true, she is be intimate with, being vulnerable with, and fucking and sucking another guy

wake up

Sorry you are dealing with this. I don't know why your wife wants to separate. It's possible she's doing these things to improve her self image, not necessarily because of another guy. Honesty between you two; understanding both of your expectations can greatly benefit your relationship. I'll stand with you both during this time and the truth of your relationship will be revealed.

I hate to say this but about 5 days ago I found out my husband was seeing somebody else and would never of thought he would do that to me and kids. He hung out with the women and there kids all the time. And I had a feeling something wasn’t right but thought he wouldn’t do that to me. But unfortunately he did. I know now that you should always go with you instinct. Majority of the time it’s right. I really hope she isn’t and you guys can work it out for for the kids. Good luck!