you can't impose your opinion onto her anymore so it doesn't really matter. she will do as she pleases.

I am not trying to impose my opinion. My daughter has aspergers and bipolar issues. She takes things at face value. Her bf is being nice to my kids and my oldest always tells me how much better he is than me.So its for my kids iI am pissed

just talk with your wife i guess. maybe the two of you can hammer out something.

No, you're not wrong! This sends a terrible message about morals,not to mention your children are in a time of transition and their needs should come before your stbx wants. I find it selfish and irresponsible. You have every right to be upset..of course I'm sure your opinion wont matter to her,but that doesn't mean you're not right.Its sad when adults can't be a better example.

My STBX wife and I have an agreement that when we are with the kids, there will be no significant other spending the night. Period. We both feel strongly about that and so the discussion was an easy one to have. But it was something we sat down and discussed as something important for the kids best interests.

For what it's worth, I do think its inappropriate, but that's just me. I think you need to sit with your STBX and have a discussion about it- not a fight, a discussion. You are trying to do what is in the best interests of your children, but you can't do it alone if she absolutely refuses- unless it is in the divorce decree somehow.

I had a court order for my ex not to allow her to stay the night while the kids were with him. I found out that they did as they pleased anyway. He lied to me of course, but the kids told me otherwise. Even though there was an order, not sure how to prove they went against it. Not sure how enforceable it really was. I think it's wrong but not sure what you can really do about it, unfortunately.

Well... I hate to say it, but if this is coming out of your daughters mouth, how much truth is there to it? You said she takes things at face value. Not a bad quality to have.

As far as your ex, I agree she shouldn't be having sleepovers, BUT that's my personal opinion, and just goes in my personal "Wouldn't do it" column. She's free to do as she pleases.

msgt, the wife admitted it, i had to go get my daughter the night before cause she did not want to sleep there since he was there, last night same thing, except neither kid slept there fro that reason,

My divorce agreement said no spend the night people unless you are married. But the truth is that if my ex did that (she didn't) there's not a lot you can do. It's a divorce which means you'll have separate lives and separate rules. You have to get used to speaking up for your rules and not speaking for your ex. Set a good example and your kids will figure it out. They will see the drama at her house and the lack of it at yours. They will see you smiling and having healthy relationships and how alcohol poisons things at the other house. So don't bad mouth their mom, set up the rules at your house, and tell your kids that what their mom does or doesn't do is her choices and you will only speak up if it affects the kids safety. They will work to stay where they are safe & loved so be that place. :)

verne i cant impose my opinion on her but if our kids are involved there needs to be open communication

You can sit down with your ex and try to come to some kind of agreement .... but at the end of the day, she is going to do what she wants to do and there really isn't much you can say about how she lives her life. Since she only has the kids spend the night with her a couple of times a week, it would seem reasonable to me to ask her NOT to have her BF spend the night on those evenings. If you children have an issue with it, have them call you and you can pick them up from her place. I can relate to your dilemma, having gone through a similar situation with my ex.

At the end of the day, what is important is the kids. Listen to them, help them to find a solution that works for everyone. Support them and be available for them (as much as is possible). Your ex will do what she wants to but hopefully, she will be as concerned for the welfare of the children as you are. Good luck.

Talk to her about your concerns first and try to come up with an agreement on this. Talk to your boys and teach them they should call you if they ever feel in danger or anything uncomfortable which happens when the bf is over.

My ex and I went to mediation and both agreed that we wouldnt have anyone stay the night unless we were married to that person. Well he only has our daughter over night, one night a week and of course that one night he had his new GF stay the night and when I asked he said "why does it matter, the judge hasnt signed the papers yet." So even thought its in writing and we both agreed at the end of the day I cant control him and like others have said they will do what they want. Just show your kids the right thing, and be the better parent. ((HUGS))

I went through all that years ago...and I've learned this...the Courts will do nothing re: this. If the kids are not in danger, then it's one's own personal preferance. Do I agree with it? No. But that doesn't matter. You raise your kids as you believe, and sadly,she will too weather it's right or wrong.