Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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Skwerl 12/31/2009

She thinks we can still be friends, and I want nothing to do with her. I will respect her as much as needed for our sons sake, but the "no contact rule" sounds so right.

She wants this divorce but I don't. We haven't started any of the "arrangements" yet, but she's upset and confused that I don't want to stay in the house while we do the paperwork and stuff. She obviously doesn't like that I don't want to talk to her anymore or even really look at her. I just want it over with.

Is it wrong that I no longer give a rats ass how she feels? She keeps apolgizing for hurting me, and thanking me for doing things, stuff like that. I know she's doing it because she's a good person, and I know she's just as torn up inside as I am. But this was her decision. If I'm really that horrible of a person, and has hurt her enough to do this, why would she still want to be "friends"?

deleted_user 12/31/2009

Nope, not wrong at all to not care anymore..I feel the same way toward my STBX..He and I will not be friends

MsViv 12/31/2009

no it's not wrong at all.

deleted_user 12/31/2009

Same situation here, WC. I didn't want the divorce, either (but I was the one that filed first when she informed me that she didn't want to be married anymore).

My STBX wife wants to be friends too. I am not having it, myself. I plan on not talking to her, unless it's about our son. I have no desire to have her as a friend. Friends don't fuck people over the way she fucked me over.

And take it from someone who stayed in the house with their STBX for an 8 month separation: It sucks in every possible, conceivable way.

I think they say they want to be friends as a way to assuage their guilt over quitting on the marriage. That's just my opinion, however...

deleted_user 12/31/2009

Oh my wasband wanted us to be FRIENDS for a while too, until I explained in my gentle, quiet way that I pick people for friends that I LIKE and WANT to associate with.

Okay, it wasn't so gentle or quiet, it was rather loud and peppered with explatives.

But he got the point.

deleted_user 12/31/2009

I think all of us can understand this. I did not want to be my ex's best friend, and went full no contact for the first year. We did not have small children so that made it much easier. The ones that leave have had time to detach and plan and we have not. What you are feeling is perfectly normal. Big healing hugs, Kimmee

deleted_user 12/31/2009

not wrong at all to not want to be friends.....it may not be just because she's a good person....she may be feeling guilty, like DAB said. Take care of YOU.

deleted_user 12/31/2009

It is normal to not want to be friends and likely best at least for a while, but I think you are looking at it a bit black and white. I left mt ex. I did not hate him after I left and I also felt horrible about it but it was what I needed to do. He did not want the divorce but he also did not want to work on things while we were together. I tell people I don't hate him I just don't want to be is wife. You don't have to hate someone to leave them, or even feel nothing for them to do so. I really felt like I had no chice, that he had pushed me up against the wall.

deleted_user 12/31/2009

you perfectly justified in your decision to say "kiss my ass" to her, she obviously deserves it! i definitely admire your courage to do so, my ex broke up with me about 8 months ago, and i am no where near strong enough to be that angry and not speak to him. one day i hope to be strong enough to feel like you!

deleted_user 12/31/2009

Some people can pull it off, and if you have children living at home, it's best. But some people just cannot. No contact likely leads to healing more quickly, but it's very difficult with children involved. I think the kids feel better if you are civil with each other.

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