I agree that sometimes it does seem that way, but I really just think that there is more of it seen here on this board because it is a support group for people that are having a hard time with their break up or divorce. People who have been through those difficulties are going to want the support because it is difficult.

The stories of spouses that are NOT narcissistic, abusive, or mentally ill, and divorces that are amicable are going to be fewer in a forum like this.

I don't know if it is really possible for everyone that claims it, I only know about me.

nd I don't use the label in order to fight for anything, there was no house, and no children between us. I needed the label to make sense of the insanity I was living, and to find the ground under my feet again.

Well I'll say no because Im not bi-polar and he wasn't abusive, he's just a Jacka$$! :)

But I do see what your sayin in general.

I don't think you can make that sort of broad statement about the entire world, except ThenAgain has a point that it looks like that in here. There is a concentration of people in here who are looking for answers and ways to deal with very painful situations. Sometimes it's easier to say they were crazy then to face that they were 'not that into you', or even acknowledge that they acted in selfish and destructive ways that led to the ultimate end of the relationship. It's easier to say they were off their meds, or that they needed meds then face that they just didn't want the responsibility of family life, or that your body was aging and they wanted a younger model than you. Or maybe they really are crazy. Diagnosed as crazy.

If someone has some form of mental illness (be it bi-polar or depression, etc) sometimes they don't want help. And a spouse insisting there is 'something' wrong just annoys them even more.

I used to think that mental illness was like any illness, like cancer etc. That once it was diagnosed, it could be treated. But it's not. If the person does not want to face their demons, you can't make them. If the relationship seems disposable to them, they can toss you aside and look for a new love who won't have the baggage of your history.

Hmm I'm bipolar. But my ex wasn't abusive. We just make better friends than spouses.

i think that people are just trying to make sense of themselves and the person that they had a love with. without labels, it isn't easy to describe what happened and why.

we were supposed to be two adults who stood eye to eye in partnership while creating something beautiful and practical. the question is why didn't that happen or why did it disintegrate? did we define our roles wrong? did we give too much of something that was not needed? did we have unrealistic expectations? was one permitted to be extremely selfish? if so, why were they allowed to get away with it?

lots of questions for us to figure out and learn from for sure.

Mossy,
My X and I of 20 years had the most incredible divorce the Judge has said she ever saw in all her years..We agreed on everything together before our divorce even came to court..I didn't take his stuff and you don't take my stuff..We had to only list our child in the divorce because the date that we were origionally were suposed to get divorced fell on her B-day and neither of us wanted that either..But we only listed we had minor children, had no set visitation schedule as we have been doing as we have for four yrs why need the court now..Our assets were already divided and felt we did not need to disclose them to the courts..Family support didn't go through DFS we felt it wasn't their buisness..and we only called it family support because we both felt it was wrong to get tripled taxed as cs does in most states..
We have remained such close friends that we have each other as executers of our wills even though I am remarried. We have each others back if something goes wrong and not a knife in it either kind of way..
Now my new Hubby on the other hand, his X tries to make it out like he is some horid person. And she is Bi-polar from her actions...That is why I have had to make my will out with my X as executer so she doesn't come out of the woodworks for my assets..

Just so that it broadens the spectrum a touch, I frequent 2 other forums that are specifically based on divorce and custody, those two sites have probably 50 x the member interaction as this one, what I have seen is not isolated to this site, and one of the other sites is for men/dads, you don't get much sypmathy there lol. more like a locker room so to speak.

Just see it a lot, once a person tells another that they no longer want to be with them they are automatically crazy lol, the signs should have been there all along if it was the case. I think it is just the best/worse thing you can try and use to persuade a judge that the other person is an unfit parent, right or wrong.

to one degree or another, we all justify our actions with something. a person wanting out of a relationship will rationalize why it is the right thing to do. some of them will do something so drastically wrong that the other has no choice but to divorce.

as we move on and date again, it will be interesting to see what kind of spin our dates put on their past relationships and why they did not last.

I haven't noticed the abusive label applied to men, but then I don't have any divorce girlfriends. However almost every guy I have dated, has said their wife is crazy, all but one. Several of them their wife was bi-polar too.

My ex was not abusive, I don't know that I've ever used the that term to describe him, but he did criticize me, and try to micromanage me, he always grumpy, he is OCD (he fully admits that). And lastly looked for women outside our marriage. The later is what finally did me in.. I am not capable of letting a guy touch me if, I think he is doing someone else. I just can not. It grosses me out the idea of being with a cheater.