I sure hope it's not wrong, it's what I always wanted, tried to provide and never got. Maybe it is just being ourselves and we didn't pick people who wanted to or were capable of reciprocating.

Unfortunately, some realize that withholding these things gives them power in a relationship. Sad but true.

Patti, in my ex's case, I hate to say this, but I think that just came naturally. So sad...

You know, down, the more I think about what you said, the more it makes profound sense.

Everyone has expectations of one kind or another. The key is understanding what they are and communicating that to others.

Non-marriage example: My mother has tons of expecations for how others should feel and behave, esp. at the holidays. She'll get really bent out of shape if one of her grandkids doesn't have the reaction she imagined to a present she chose, for instance. But she has no clue this is why she's upset.

I think expectations like everything else need to be done in moderation. Part of the problems alot of us run into with our relationships is that we EXPECT our significant others to be such a big part of our worlds.
The problem is that people always change and when you make someone too big in your world if and when they leave a HUGE part of you is gone.
I think the only things we should expect in this world are change and loving ourselves enough to plan and act accordingly so that if our S.O. leaves for any reason we don't stop being a whole person.

Nope..not wrong. Especially not from a spouse. A lifelong committment deserves all of the above.

Excellant discussion.

I have been thinking about this a lot the last few days. I had an expectation that was totally unreasonable on Wednesday and screwed up royally by chastising my wonderful friends for something they had no idea about. I am so sorry to you guys. WTF? Where did that come from?

Boy, do I have some work to do! I know these things to be true, but set myself up for my own pain. Why would I want to hurt myself like that? Any help here would be greatly appreciated!