Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
on 24 Dec 2014, My Hubby confessed to me that he is having an affair with one of his staff. We have been married for 14 years. I am so heart broken from the news and sometimes seem so lost. Worst is that he seems to have make his choice that it is her as he told me that he loves her a lot. Sometimes I wondered how come a man I love so much breaks my heart.
I am trying to move forward with my life. However, the pain has make me more stuck then ever.
How do people get through this and start back a new life at age 45. Does time really heal? Can we ever get over the this pain and hurt?
I don't know how else to move forward except to really separate and divorce eventually. Is this the only way? Appreciate any advise or support given.
I am trying to move forward with my life. However, the pain has make me more stuck then ever.
How do people get through this and start back a new life at age 45. Does time really heal? Can we ever get over the this pain and hurt?
I don't know how else to move forward except to really separate and divorce eventually. Is this the only way? Appreciate any advise or support given.
My ex told me a similar thing 1.5 yrs ago. He didn't love. Hadn't for a long time. Was leaving me "for the love of his life". We had been together 27 yrs, married 15. I was stunned. Devastated. I spend 15 months grieving, being worried about him (he was depressed, poor thing), and thinking what I could have done better.
Oii! How ridiculous! I deserve better and so do you. I deserve a person who is honest, who cherishes me, and loves me for who I am. And so do you. Somehow I managed to avoid the he'll and humiliation of "on-again-off-again, "please pick me" dynamics. While he did come bac begging once or twice - I somehow managed to set boundaries and stick to them. You know, crazy conditions like seeing a therapist, and never seeing her again. The easiest trick was just to wait a couple of days before replying to his sad plea for attention. Without fail, 2 days after pledging to walk thru he'll to win me back, he would be back with OW. He'd "walk thru hell" but would not suffer thru 2 days of being on his own without stroking. I know that if I had taken him back, that would have been my life. Me trying to make him feel needed/good, and him leaving everytime I fell short of his mystical criteria.
And, I am now out of grieving. It is still hard. Mostly I'm working thru the mortification that I could have been so blind.
You can do it. You are worth it. 45 is nothing. I'm 42. The way I look at it - active adult life is age 25 - 65. Got school before 25 and retirement after. We are only halfway thru adulthood and then have all of retirement! Oodles of time!!!
You can do it.
They were philanderers with wives who got their back, and forgave them ultimately.
You know why they were probably easy to forgive? Because they were human rights leaders, powerful men who commanded the devotion and respect of millions. Because they were individuals who made great sacrifices.
Your husband, though you dont tell us about him, is probably no JFK or MLK Jr. Probably he feels like a martyr for riding on his riding lawnmower for thirty minutes a week.
I only know that - whether he chose the other woman or not - if you give permission in your mind to be abused - that is what you invite into your life.
Its with this same mentality that you question your chances of getting over this or moving forward with new love.
If youre used to the old mentality of believing in your limitations, then yes, your chances do not look good.
But if you can look at these same mindsets, and make a goal to find renewal, you will find that this is the best thing that ever happened to you, and you will surprise yourself.
Sorry for the Typo Error. It was 24 Dec 2015 - where he told me he had an affair and Jan 3 2016, he finally spell the beans and I finally know who it is .
I do agree as I am in the mode of Pick Me. Why can't you give me a chance. Why not me? Etc Etc Etc.
I hope you all are my sounding board and keep me align to know that I Deserve Better and I need to care for myself.
I cared for him for so many years and been a giver and caretaker. my mind know how foolish I am and should just kick him out of the house. How is it possible that a mind know so much yet the heart is like a softy without backbone?
Hi Strongandsilent, type the date wrongly - He Told me on 24 Dec 2015. and I found out who she is on 3 Jan 2016.
You are wasting your time with a horrible person when you can be so happy with someone who will treat you right. I know it hurts and I did the same thing - I regret giving years of my life to a cheater.
Hire a lawyer ,dump this guy , heal and have the love you always wanted. This man is not the one.
I am SO sorry.... You are a Queen and he went for the trash.
I have seen many people start life and love over again at much older ages then you are. Love yourself enough to say "No, he will never do this to me again" Get involved in a singles group in your area (some churches have singles groups) Do anything to build you own self esteem. I know this man has broke you but do not give him the power to ruin your life. You will find love and happiness again. Then again you may choose to remain single. Either way there is hope. Best wishes and lots of love.