Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hi everyone, I am looking for some advice and would like to know if anyone else has been in a similar predicament. I am 34 years old. I am in a relationship with a man 10 years my junior. We have been dating 4 years and living together most of the time. I have never dated someone younger than me. He is not a bad guy but I know I am not happy. The problem is, I have deep rooted issues of abandonment stemming back to the age of 4 and beyond from my father whom I no longer have contact. I feel as though I can not end the relationship because I will feel abandoned. I know this sounds stupid because I will be the one ending it.
Also, I have always been self sufficient and am now having financial troubles. I never dated a guy that contributed much anyway. I am bipolar and have recently gotten on medication to help with my issues. I also suffer from PTSD. I have never given myself a chance to date and find that special someone. I know this will be difficult because he will refuse to leave. I feel bad hurting him since I have been hurt very bad in the past. To make matters worse, I will be attending my favorite uncles funeral on Tuesday and my father will be there
Also, I am not sure if I want children and I need to decide quickly since I am 34. I certainly don't want them with him and can not afford them now anyway. I am sick of supporting a man so I don't know why I can't seem to end it without feeling abandoned. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance.
Also, I have always been self sufficient and am now having financial troubles. I never dated a guy that contributed much anyway. I am bipolar and have recently gotten on medication to help with my issues. I also suffer from PTSD. I have never given myself a chance to date and find that special someone. I know this will be difficult because he will refuse to leave. I feel bad hurting him since I have been hurt very bad in the past. To make matters worse, I will be attending my favorite uncles funeral on Tuesday and my father will be there
Also, I am not sure if I want children and I need to decide quickly since I am 34. I certainly don't want them with him and can not afford them now anyway. I am sick of supporting a man so I don't know why I can't seem to end it without feeling abandoned. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thank you in advance.
otherwise, what is your specific question(s)?
You need to regroup and work on your issues one at a time. With the child rearing thing, the abandonment issue, and whatever else is troubling you, overload is bound to happen.
A good therapist should be able to help you prioritize these things and work on them in the order of most importance.
I was dating a woman and I knew for a couple months that she wasn't making me happy but the opposite of, and then I dated her again and did the same thing because I was afraid.
I hope I learned the lesson.
Here's what I have to say "You are not responsible for his emotions or his reaction. You are responsible for yours". You aren't happy. You don't want to have kids with this man. You don't think he is that someone special. The answer is real straightforward and probably not what you want to hear; leave him and place your bets on you.
I've been there, overall I'm still not real happy, but am I happier now than I was in a dying marriage; yes and no but I still have the options of looking for that someone special and to make myself someone special for someone else to find. Yes it will be difficult and scary and horrible but necessary.
And I understand the abandonment issues. My biological father took my sister and I out on the front porch and real quiet like so mom wouldn't know any better told us "If you two don't start behaving like human fucking beings I will vanish, change my name, face, car and you'll never see me again" and I haven't seen him since. Every woman I've ever invested my heart in threw me away like tissue, most of my friends that I really cared about did the same. I have some real issues feeling like I'm adequate or loveable.
The odds are he probably knows something is wrong. So the best thing for you to do is just be straightforward with him and be real clear and cut it off and start over.