Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
My husband and I have been married just 2 years. 6 weeks after we got married he "reconnected " with his ex-wife and pushed a polyamorous relationship for 6 months. He dropped it when he realized I would leave before agreeing and also he was doing what he was doing out of guilt towards her. (He cheated on her a lot -one affair lasted 5 years- and was out of work for 5 years).
he prioritized her even though they stopped the romantic talk- gave her significant money that I didn't know about.
Anyway the fact that they communicate every 2 or 3 days drives me nuts. Yes they have kids but the kids are adults.
Now there's a new wrinkle. He's joined a bike club. Made REALLY good friends with a married woman. The fact that she's happily married has been one of his selling points to make me feel secure. ok. I can live with this but now he's emailing and texting a gorgeous single woman. He saves their emails and screenshots of their texts and screenshots of her social media.
I don't know what to do
he says he loves me and wants only me... he just needs "liberty " and to be trusted
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I haven't written in my diary on my computer since May because I thought that my computer was dying. I got away from writing but my computer is hanging in there. I think that I will start writing in it again. It's so therapeutic.
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Years ago, I won a mirrored armoire from my job. It's in my bedroom but I rarely stand in front of it. Yesterday, I had to have a dexascan done so I had to change into a gown. There was a full length mirror in the changing room. I'm aware that I gained 5 to 7 pounds over the last year from cheating on Keto but I didn't know what it looked like. It was a reality check.
He just emailed a woman in his bike club (they’ve been emailing every day this week). that he found her playful side intoxicating- with a kissy emoji- and that she’s breathtakingly beautiful.
Last night we had a serious conversation about flirting and crossing lines.
He doesn’t know I know about the emails.
He insists he communicates with men and women exactly the same. Says he needs autonomy and to be allowed to be himself.
I get that and he should be. It’s just now quite clear the himself that he is really isn’t the man for me.
They are planning what will be about an 8 hour bike ride on Saturday.
I’ll make my decision about next steps when I see the outcome of that.
It is sooooo hard to keep it together right now.
So, if you come to acceptance that you can not change him, what sounds like a reasonable action for you to take?
It sure sounds like this man chases women for sex. He lies to you so he gets what he wants. He demands his freedom. You may be being gaslit by him.
There are some people who lie like dogs. They feel no remorse and use people, they lack empathy and are all about themselves. If you don't know what a narcissist or sociopath are, google these terms. Just to see if any of it fits.
And where is your dignity and self-respect? He is not going to change, he just thinks you are stupid like my former spouse thought I was too stupid to read his text messages on his phone when he stopped coming home at night. When he looked me in the eyes and lied to me and gaslit me. Mine needed more fun in his life, he said, his fun was getting drunk and I guess going to women's houses all night and coming home at 6 am. Remember, some people lie and don't have any remorse about it.
My advice is do not tell him what you are thinking about the future. Be safe and be careful and to not trust him. Just figure out what you need to do, take some time, now you know the truth. Make a private list of things you need to do for the future. Do not react to any of this. Hide your true feelings and thoughts. He will just gaslight you. Keep your thoughts and feelings and that list of things you need to do to be self-protective and move forward absolutely tucked away where he won't find it. Go to a good attorney who does family law and get legal advice.