This is where I am today: I walked into my therapists office feeling on top of the world and full of a newfound sense of strength and joy. I proceeded to tell her about the things that had transpired over the past month, the giant leap I'd felt empowered to have taken, and my overall feeling of confidence in every area of my life, even in the face of dealing with the fallout of repurcussions from afore mentioned giant leap. Now, I know very well that there are times when our logic needs challenging. I have had my PTSD and Depression used against me by friends and family who, at one time were trying to convince me that I was "crazy". Because of how painful it was to handle, I am acutely receptive to suggestion from a mental health practitioner that I may want to closer examine whether what I am feeling or doing is going to facillitate the best outcome with regards to my well-being and especially that of my child.
So when I explain to my therapist that although my husband and I have lived as separated in the same house since September, we are getting along better than ever as dear friends and happily making the very best of an overwhelmingly stressful predicament, I was not expecting the response I received. According to couples she has worked with who have attempted to live in a similar arrangement, statistics show that it is more detrimental to the emotional stability and security of the child. In not having obtained legal separation papers with clearly defined rules, and throwing myself into a single living arrangement that neither of us can afford while facing our home in forclosure, I was apparently causing my precious daughter more harm than if I had left my husband and told my kid I was done with my marriage all on the same day, and began another serious relationship right in front of her within weeks, while trash talking her Dad and remaining bitter and angry.
I spent the last 7 years trying desperately to pretend that I could make do with the emotional abuse and lack of respect and boudaries in my marriage. It is my second, and I wanted to keep our family together. I suffered greatly and therefore made a hostile and unpredictable home environment for our child through bitter, angry, dyfunctional outrage toward my husband. I feel so blessed that I have not just let go of my rage and forgiven him, but also any ties that bind us as husband & wife. We both see our faults and that we deserve better; that our daughter deserves a better model of what a happy marriage looks like. After grieving the loss, we are now only left with a genuine love for each other as individuals and parents. We have explained to our child that we will divorce because we didn't make a happy married couple, but we do make great friends. She only sees us treating eachother with kindness and respect now. We still have "family hugs" and tell eachother,"I love you". If this is wrong, I am not sure I wanna be right. What do you think?
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