Koko, I hear you. I was going to say you do not have it easy in that regard. At all. My wife is checked out, though, and all of the fights we get into are her being absolutely hateful. We got into it again this morning, and she basically started listing off reasons why I shouldn't have 50/50 custody of the kids. And there were some low blows in there. I got really upset, and basically what she is saying is that I'm a loser. I can't take it any more. We are setting up a meeting with a mediator, so one of us will likely be moving out soon. Oh, and now again, she tells me that there was a chance if I had fought the right way for her after she first told me, even though when she first told me, she said she was 100% done and told me not to fight for her. I can never win with her.

Oh, and look at this. Just got an e-mail with a list of boundaries, written like a business letter. Like we are business partners. Awesome. And some of them make very little sense to me, and none of them make mention of invasion of privacy. She asked me repeatedly this morning why I just can't let go. Now, I'm not so sure I shouldn't.

You're not alone - she does not make sense to me either and I'm a woman alsongoing through a lot of emotions. I think it's good to go see a mediator at this point and not directly deal with her since it hurts you two so much. The kids don't need to see all the fighting. It's possible you may come to an understanding and be able to talk logically to work things out but too many emotions are running high at this point for you two. Like I said before atleast your spouse has emotions. I look at my husband and I don't see any at all. He could probably live like this and pretend he doesn't see me forever.

Hey there friend, I'm sorry for the place you find yourself. First, please, you have to put down the alcohol. It's making what you're feeling even worse. It's why I stay away from it. I know that if I get any alcohol in me I may not be able to control my reaction to how I'm feeling. If nothing else, I want to be able to control that, being that I can't control the fact that I'm even in this place. It's easy to blame yourself or beat yourself up because we want to try to justify why we are dealing with this horrible feeling and why someone would do this to us. You can't continue to feed the monster that is depression, sadness, and anger. You can't allow yourself to ball up and die MD. I know, easier said than done. Believe you me, I know that more than I'd like to admit. But we have to allow ourselves to feel what we feel, untainted, process what we're feeling, and heal. And we have to know that it will take time - as much as we want to get over it and get out of this dark hole. I wish there was something you could take to make this magically go away, but there isn't. I had to come to terms with the fact that this will take time and I had to let go of the expectation of this going away fast. It's hard and we hate it. But we have to believe that we will get past this. I will be praying for you. - Hugs

I know the alcohol will not help anything. It does put a temporary halt on the hurt, but then it comes back ten fold later on.And I know I just can't curl up and die, but man, would it be so easy to do that. Just trying to make it day to day is a serious struggle. This morning didn't help, but now we have some boundaries in place for as long as we are under the same roof. We'll see how that goes. And thanks for the hugs. They go a long way, particularly when I'm at my lowest.

Hey MD, I am sorry that you are going through all this. I know its easy to run and escape into a bottle of alcohol sometimes, but it only makes things worse. I tried, and failed, I used to sit at a bar alone guzzling wine hoping it would numb the pain of my failing relationship. I get that when you are in a bad place you are just looking for something to make to better even if it is just for an hour or 2.
Take it all one day at a time, that is the only way you can get through, I know it is hard. Has your wife considered any counseling, or would she be open to it? It sounds like you would be willing to try and work on things, maybe that is an option. I will be praying for you, and your family.

Thanks Mamarunner5. Oddly enough, my wife has run a slew of marathons, so you may have something in common. As for counseling, I have been down that road a million times. I would love for her to go to joint counseling, but she has refused, saying no counselor will ever make her change her mind. We both go to individual counseling (I am about to switch mine up, hoping for better results to be honest), but she absolutely puts her foot down to a marriage counselor, which after 16 years together, doesn't seem like all that big of a request, but apparently it is.

Yesterday she mentioned she has been 100% done for some time (years, she said), but she stayed hoping something would pull her back in, but nothing has changed. Wednesday nights seem to be my drinking night, and I am taking the kids out tonight, so I will probably be back at the same bar with the same people tomorrow night. I have become buddies with the bartender there, which doesn't hurt. And I know the alcohol will only serve to help me escape for that moment, but I need an escape, even if it is only briefly. My life has turned completely upside down, and I don't know how to fix it, and I keep coming off the rails. It's a nightmare.