So I finally got my ex out of the house and a signed agreement.  I had to agree to joint custody to get out of him paying allimony and child support, which was not what I really wanted to do.  I had a feeling that my unemployed ex would have a hard go doing it alone.  Of course, the whole thing has been a disaster.  Because of his chronic unemployment, he couldn't get a place to live.  He lived out of his car for six weeks, which pretty much gave me full custody (but I didn't modify the agreement --- which legally would be hard to do based up clauses in the divorce decree that prevent either of us from disputing custody for a year).  He finally got a place to live and I really had hoped that things would work out.  But still no job and his depression has only worstened.  My daughter spends maybe one night a week with him, but even that, she has started to protest.  He contributes not a cent, never does her homework with her, and doesn't parent at all.  He picks her up from school and then she wants to come home with me the minute I am off from work.  My dilemma is that he is clearly depressed.  He is in treatment, but he gets kicked off my insurance in a couple of weeks.  He should be able to get medicaid, but I am not sure if he has the capability to follow through with this.  My daughter keeps backing out of visits with him.  She was supposed to spend tonight with him and she made him stop at home so she could change her mind.  I think that she both didn't want to go because he has nothing in his place for her and because she notices how little he contributes to her life.  He doesn't help her with her homework, he wanted nothing to do with her birthday party, etc.  I am at a loss as to what to do.  I cannot make her go with him -- but he has joint custody.  I would like the occasional break, but don't want to force her to go.  Her dad, of course, blames me.  He assumes I am badmouthing him, but I am not.  I got her therapy and he somehow thinks that is about trying to turn him against her.  He is paranoid and drives by house all the time to see if my boyfriend is around. 

I don't know what do. He won't communicate with me at all.  He says I bully him, but I don't.  I just say things to him that if I communicated like he did, he'd never get to see her.  This isn't a threat to take her away, just me pointing out that the lack of communication makes it hard to co-parent. 

My question for others is should I try and talk my daughter into spending the night more with him?  Should I try and maker her when she doesn't want to go?  Or is that bad?  I worry little about his suicide risk when she backs out on him -- given his depression and past threats of suicide.  He got visably upset when this happened tonight.  At the same time, my daughter is 8 and I feel like I should respect her wishes  He won't push the matter in court, I am sure, because his mental health issues put him at a disadvantage.  Thus, the decison is often mine.   I feel like a single parent -- yet share custody.  It is very frustrating.  

Any advice?