I'm sorry you have to go through this grief, I truly am.

What a smart lady you are! You know you can't take him back and you can start grieving, which stinks, but we are all here going through it. The fact that he didn't contact you until you got a lawyer shows what a manipulator this guy is.

Please, please, please do not listen to a word has says now. I think he had hopes of having his little fling, seeing what happens, and keeping you as a back up and soft place to land if things didn't work out. Now that he knows you're taking action, he's backpedaling. Don't let him.

This is a bad time, but we are all her trying to support each other through this. I DO know what you're going.through. I was married for 24 years before I found out about mine and his mid life crisis. I wanted to die.

Come back and post. There are really great people here. You will see that you are not alone!

So sorry. We all know what it is like. I have to admit that it is the hardest thing that I have ever been through. Stay strong and do not let him back in the house. Trust me, you will only set yourself up for more heartbreak down the line. We are all here to help you get through it.

Wow I am so sorry. I am in a similar situation. Stay strong

I absolutely agree with ClearDay
Please do not take him back.
That would be the worse thing you could do for yourself.
Keep moving to the future and you will always know this was the right thing to do.
What he did, plus what he is trying to get you to do now is, in my opinion, horrible
good luck

to gem, andy,debbie and clearday:Thank you for your understanding and welcoming me here. This is really really hard! I did love him with all that I am! But yes, I do know if he did this once he would do it again and it would be worse next time. He tried to come home in the middle of the night last weekend.drove he says 2 hrs to get here. I told him on phone I would meet him in public place. and I did do that. but I couldn't let his tears change my mind even though I wanted to sooooo much! Because my tears didn't matter to him. Now mothers day is upon us and it makes me phys sick to think hes spending it with this woman and her child, and doing for her what he used to do for me. I just feel broken and alone. Family and friends are great to me and very understanding. but im sure their tired of my whining all the time. just cant seem to get happy anymore. Im 47 years old. How do I start over now? I don't even know who I am!

That's about how old I was too! Now I'm 53, and I'm convinced God had a plan, because I got to start over, I own my own property, albeit a fixer upper, and I'm spending time getting to know me. For the first time in my life I'm on my own.

I still get scared, but the know there is a reason for this, though i at not know what right now. Maybe its just to learn to trust and have faith.

You've been so wise and strong, don't allow your imagination to torment you. If you want to imagine anything, I'd go with this woman thought she found someone to support her and her child, and will kick him to the curb when he runs out of cash. That'll do wonders for his mid life crisis.

In any case, YOU are your first priority, and success is the best revenge. You deserve so much better and though you'll be on emotional rollercoaster for awhile, you will find many new and joyful things waiting for you.

Please believe he isn't totality happy where he is or he wouldn't be trying to keep you on a string.
Also don't be to envious of their situation as there is no doubt in my mind. He will end up leaving her when he learns the old lesson that grass is not always greener.
Stay strong and stay with the course, you will end up looking back and realize it all happened for a reason. You will get through this and be happy again.

thank you everyone! Its nice to have someone get where Im coming from for real! (yes secretly I hope he pulls one of his little brat moments and she kicks him to the curb!) but then I think even a cheat shouldn't be homeless! Guess that's the Christian part of me. even so, I know I cant let him come home. even though I hate gong to bed at night, and really hate the mornings even more, and of course 3pm when Im used to cooking his dinner. I hate LOTS of things right now, but the plus side is ive lost 27 pounds and I look pretty ok! LOL! He saw me last week for the first time since feb. He was lookin for sure. but I just gave him his cloths and left. stayed stong till I got down the road and lost it completely! What is wrong with me?!!! is this normal? cuz I feel like a zombie half living half dead.

ok... so don't anyone think im rude please! Im trying to friend yall but my computer is totally misbehaving! soooooo sorry!

Bless your heart. Please don't think anything is wrong with you. You're just in agony. It feels like you're dying. It was a shock! He was already cheating for who knows how long so he's had all that time to get used to things.
Plus, this was what he wanted. He betrayed you! He'll use your shock and lack of support against you when he wants to try and come back. It's horrible. You're blindsided while they seem like everything is normal. Keep talking and venting on here. You need all the support you can get. ~Hugs