Ok... He is truely a f...tard.

I hate to use that word... but, there it is.

The truth is, he is lost in life right now, and making some of the biggest mistakes of his life. And, he will regret it. Sadly, it is his choice, and there is nothing you can do.

There are some books I can recommend... But, I am not sure if they will help... Maybe, they will help understanding where he is...

"Avoiding the greener grass syndrome"
"His Needs, Her Needs: Building an affair proof marriage"
"Winning you husband back, before it's too late"
"The five love languages"

These books may help you... Sadly... I think he is going through a "stupid" phase... And, once the literal "s" hits the fan... he'll regret things... Sadly... it will probably be beyond what you are willing to tolerate.

If he wants to walk out of your life let him go. He says he doesn't want you right now, and that hurts really badly. The only way to have a chance at happiness is to put everything into yourself. Be selfish. Work out. Go out with friends. Be happy without him.

If he sees what he's missing, he may want to come back, but at that point will you have him? I lost my job the morning after my husband dropped the divorce bomb on me, so I know what you're feeling. Don't try to hold on to him. He's not worth it.

I am so sorry. It is impossible to understand what goes on in the minds of people who do this. I too asked for marriage counseling, but he declined. Do seek some counseling for yourself though. I wish I had.

You have come to a good place for support and understanding. Take it a day at a time and check in with us here.

Hi Linda, that is the most awful thing. My wish for you would be to go to individual counselling to gain insight and strength for yourself while he figures out what he wants to do with his life. With love.

So sorry for your pain. As you read on here (and elsewhere) you'll find that these cheaters very often follow a formula- it's like a secret club. One that I'd never be a part of. I'm so sorry you are here, but glad you found us. Hang in there, it's going to be a bumpy ride, but we're here for you too.

Linda...

You can also try "The Love Dare". It is a great concept... But, doesn't always pan out... But, if you really read into the concepts... It will help you in you future partnership(s).

Look it up online...

But, I agree with the others... Back up the reading and study with counseling.

I am truely sorry that this has happened, especially on Christmas, because for a while the holiday will never be the same, until you move past him and on with your life. Like everyone else has stated you need to focus on yourself right now and do things for you. Keep yourself occupied with whatever hobbies interest you to keep your mind preoccupied. I too am dealing with the end of my almost 7 year relationship with my ex-fiance, and just decided on Christmas morning to return the engagement ring, so for my Christmas will also be tainted, but all of the advice I have been given is to not blame myself but embrace the positive qualities in me and focus on starting anew! I hope this helps and good luck with everything.

I would like to thank all for responding and giving me your opinions/help. It brought tears to my eyes when I read all of your posts. Of course I also chuckled a bit too at some of them. Thank you for lightening my spirit tonight. You are truly wonderful people. I forgot to add that we've been married for 18 years. This is just really hard for me right now...have been crying for two days now and I know it's probably going to get worse. He has and still does tell me he loves me and we even have date nights to do fun things together. I know I need to think about me now instead of being his doormat. I really wish I could hate him but I don't. I am angry and hurt at this point. I know that some of you have been through pretty much this same thing and I would welcome any or additional help in getting through this.

Linda,

Don't ever be a doormat.

There is a great book called "Surviving an Affair" - by Willard Harley

On of the first points he makes is, do not be a doormat. If you are, you will always lose. If he loves you he will treat you with respect. And, you deserve it. Sometimes, you may need to tell him how you feel mistreated (In the form of "I feel ...."), but he needs to respect you... and the two of you need to communicate. If he treats you like a doormat, you need to separate till he is willing to treat you right. (simple as that)

It's hard... But, if you let him treat you badly... He will. And, it will probably get worse with time.

Anyway...

Lots of hugs. Get counseling. Read a lot of these books. And, believe in you. You deserve love. Remember that.

oh my gosh, that sounds just like Dick-Ass, except for the girl that's 20 years younger.
He just didn't want to play anymore.
How often do we all think it - but those who act on it - without thinking it completely through.
selfish - irresponsible - mean - self centered - narcissistic for starters.

As much as it hurts, let him go. You can't make someone stay with you. You can't force him to go to counseling. All you can do with him is suggest\st the counseling. But you can make yourself move on.

Lots of hugs for you - we're here if you need to talk.

I totally feel you....after all that i have been through in the past 7 months, what i have seen and heard and endured, I too do not hate him in the least. I blame myself for not being good enough. We tend to blame ourselves for the things we can't control and until I can realize my importance, I cannot move on. So please so for yourself and make you the top priority because i too am a doormat, making myself available whenever he calls and wants to hang out and it is a terrible place to be because in the end it probably won't bring him back, just ensure that you will continue to let him be a priority clearly are not as important to him anymore. It is always easier to give advice that follow it yourself but try to stay positive and love you!

the merry christmas to me thing i get

mine walked out xmas eve 07 after 33 yrs

and i can honestly say and even i'm surprised..this really was the merriest christmas i ever ever ever had

it gets better..its hard and it sucks but it does get better..you've got lots of good ppl to help you on this journey of hell you've just started