Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
I can't stand living in limbo and not having stability in my life. I want to come home to a house where I know my loving husband is waiting for me. I want the security of the relationship I had until recently. I want everything I took forgranted before.
My hubby of 9 1/2 years told me in November he wanted a divorce. We've been going to counseling and in December he said he wanted to work on things, not walk away like he did previously, which was good. Sadly he still says his feelings for me have changed and he's sorry that he can't change them. I just don't understand how I can pour my heart out to him and tell him how much I still love him and how I am working so hard to change so our marriage will work and yet he has no compassion anymore. This man is (was) one of the most compassionate peopel I've ever met. I also don't see him working on himself much even though he says he is and he knows he needs to.
We're going to Vegas next week because he has to go for work. He invited me as a way to reach out and show me he was trying back in December but since then things have gone down hill and now I feel like I'm auditioning for my marriage. Unless a miracle happens on the trip I think he's planning on moving out when we get back and I'm just dying. It's killing me. He saw our stupid counselor on his own one time and she told him yet again to seperate. She's been saying that since our first meeting which makes me feel like she's not a good counselor. What do I know?
I guess I'm just sick of all this pain and I want to be happy. I am sick of my heart racing and the labored breathing and the constant stomach aches and shakes. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't focus on anything, especially at work. I'm also starting to hate myself for fighting so hard to be with someone who is making it clear he no longer wants to be with me. It's just hard to stomach since we are college sweethearts and up until recently he was the nicest, most loving person I have ever met. This is so out of character for him. I don't know if I should just pull the plug so I can move on or wait until he does it since he's the one who wants the divorce. How long do I wait for him to decide what he wants to do? I'm freaking out because I'm 36 and don't have kids but want them and having to start over at this age is not good. I may not get to have kids and that kills me. This is such a screwed up situation. I just want to die so I don't have to feel this pain anymore.
My hubby of 9 1/2 years told me in November he wanted a divorce. We've been going to counseling and in December he said he wanted to work on things, not walk away like he did previously, which was good. Sadly he still says his feelings for me have changed and he's sorry that he can't change them. I just don't understand how I can pour my heart out to him and tell him how much I still love him and how I am working so hard to change so our marriage will work and yet he has no compassion anymore. This man is (was) one of the most compassionate peopel I've ever met. I also don't see him working on himself much even though he says he is and he knows he needs to.
We're going to Vegas next week because he has to go for work. He invited me as a way to reach out and show me he was trying back in December but since then things have gone down hill and now I feel like I'm auditioning for my marriage. Unless a miracle happens on the trip I think he's planning on moving out when we get back and I'm just dying. It's killing me. He saw our stupid counselor on his own one time and she told him yet again to seperate. She's been saying that since our first meeting which makes me feel like she's not a good counselor. What do I know?
I guess I'm just sick of all this pain and I want to be happy. I am sick of my heart racing and the labored breathing and the constant stomach aches and shakes. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't focus on anything, especially at work. I'm also starting to hate myself for fighting so hard to be with someone who is making it clear he no longer wants to be with me. It's just hard to stomach since we are college sweethearts and up until recently he was the nicest, most loving person I have ever met. This is so out of character for him. I don't know if I should just pull the plug so I can move on or wait until he does it since he's the one who wants the divorce. How long do I wait for him to decide what he wants to do? I'm freaking out because I'm 36 and don't have kids but want them and having to start over at this age is not good. I may not get to have kids and that kills me. This is such a screwed up situation. I just want to die so I don't have to feel this pain anymore.
But I am not your age. Having children is not part of the equation.
Given your age, and your desire to have children, I can see why this is all the more painful for you.
I'm sorry that you are going through this.
Do you think there's a chance he would give therapy another chance, with a different therapist?
Ideally, you should both like the therapist you're working with.
But if the only objection you have to this one is that she has always recommended separation, a different therapist might be pointless. Or maybe you would be less doubtful, if two therapist both saw it the same way.
No matter which way this works out, you may want to consider counseling for yourself, with a therapist who you DO like.
I hope that things don't stay as bleak for you as they are right now.
(((Hugs)))
Long story short... it's a long and painful journey, but it will get better. Like Anne said, we'll help you through it.
You're stronger than you think.
That sentence hits home. I remember that feeling all too well and it's toxic (or it was for me). It's no way to live, but getting past the point of fear and grief takes time and hard work. Sending you my support and empathy.
Jumped Out At Me!! Wow well said!
I too agree that finding a different therapist might be in order. One that doesn't cater to one party or the other and that knows how to ask the right questions and uses tools and techniques to assist both parties in better more effective communication and understanding. If we were all Experts at this already than we wouldn't need therapy, guidance, assistance and coaching. Keep Looking for Now...
I agree that a different therapist might be in order; however, I wouldn't blame the therapist for his decision. My STBX made the mistake of blaming my therapist for us separating, when it was really that he acted like a complete ass that caused the end of our marriage. I am not such a brainless twit that I would automatically just go along with whatever someone else (my therapist included) told me to do.
It does sound like he has already made up his mind what he wants to do, so there is nothing you can do to "win" him back. He either wants to stay or he doesn't. And maybe moving out will give him some clarity, one way or the other. As for the kids thing, I totally get it. We had 1 child when he turned into a complete ass, and I thought I should probably get out, but I stuck it out to have 1 more because I didn't want to have 2 kids from 2 different fathers, and all that that entails. So now I have 2 messed up kids instead of 1. It's no situation to bring kids into, and I feel bad for them for that. I know you think it's too late, but I'll tell you that my best friend had her first and only kid at 44. You never know.