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I Received an Apology

namaste02
namaste02
I received an email message this morning from Jay. It was an apology for his actions and erratic behavior.

I feel a sense of relief in many ways.

The knee jerk reaction to something so trivial to begin with is tough to process right now...but...

I feel as if I have to give him the benefit of the doubt.

i cannot imagine what it must feel like to live in his world right now....

-being under attack and shot at all day in a war zone..Im sure that would make anyone hypersensitive to anything...
-the discomfort of living in the conditions he does
-having 2 weeks of freedom and then having to go back to "that" and those conditions.

and so many other thoughts......

Im evaluating and reevaluating things, but, I agree we need to work on the communication thing. This has been an important lesson for both of us in how we deal or dont deal with things.

I really cant wait for the next 4 months of this deployment to fly by so that I can really see things under more normal circumstances.
Misred
Misred
I reacted negatively when the new guy I'm dating withdrew. From what I read it's normal for men to do this when shit is flying. It has nothing to do with us, they just feel weak if they feel uncertain. Talking about it with us makes them feel worse. I'm getting the silent treatment and it's hard after getting tons of texts daily and talking at least once a day by phone is hard. In the meantime I am staying busy with activities and friends until I hear from him again. We all handle stress differently. (((HUGS)))
deleted_user
deleted_user
Wow Namaste that is a lot to handle with him being away. I know it must be hard

Red I don't see how you do it. I couldn't handle it when Kevin did it to me and he still has yet to contact me from the last bought and that was three months ago. I do know that three weeks ago he was in a bad wreck and almost died. Sad
deleted_user
deleted_user
i am so glad you got an apology! hope it puts you at ease now!
namaste02
namaste02
Pretty much his knee jerk reaction has all boiled down to being under so much stress in his little war zone (understandable) and his feelings of guilt for not coming home on leave....that is where this is stemming from. I told him i was ok with the leave thing...but it turns out I guess I was more ok with it than he was...
Misred
Misred
@Doxie, I won't be on hold forever. If I am available when he comes back then I will see him, if not then no big loss cause I'm not available. :)
deleted_user
deleted_user
Good attitude Red!
deleted_user
deleted_user
Forgiveness is the key to happiness. But forgiveness is a gift to ourselves. It means that we stop toting around the stones of grudge and walk the world lighter and in freedom. It doesn't necesarily mean we go back to the way things were or open unbridled communication. It is best however if we approach another with either the purpose of repair or farewell to do so with hands wholly empty of resentment. Ends up better for both of us.
patti22
patti22
I'm glad he finally talked to you. And like you, I do understand his reaction. I think it's worth giving him the benefit of the doubt. I'm betting that while You didn't come down on him for not coming home, that others in his family did give him grief.

HUGS.
MTZ3
MTZ3
After recently (unsuccessfully) trying to break it off with a close friend, totally understandable. Sometimes it take something catastrophic, a loss (in his case), to appreciate what one had all along. We all make mistakes from time to time, and like you said, he's been under a lot of stress. I am glad he came back and apologized, and you accepted...it feels good to make up!!
deleted_user
deleted_user
(concerned for both Namaste AND MisRed)
namaste02
namaste02
Well, I hope this doesnt sound terrible.... but its going to take a little more than the apology.

I need to know from him what solicited this dramatic response in what was done, in addition to stressful situations. I need to know if this is how he always deals with strife and conflict. If so, i cant and wont live like that. if it was an isolated incident, ok fine...but I think he should at least me more open and forthcoming about his feelings in what happened.
MTZ3
MTZ3
in reality, you have four months to think about it, and him to prove himself... you can always change your mind, same for him... in the mean time, with this being the first incident, and with him apologizing, I don't think many would fault you for giving him another chance... that is the way relationships go, they rarely are perfect...
JustASimpleGuy
JustASimpleGuy
Where were you ladies when my xgf had my head on the chopping block! She could have used a little coll-headed advice and perspective! ;-)

namaste, I understand where you're coming from. First incident, he's under a ton of stress, perhaps it's an aberration. Time will be your ally. Of course you have feelings for him and don't want to act hastily and do something you might regret. By the same token, what you said in your last reply seems a good way to approach this.