So sorry for your pain. I wonder sometimes about that saying better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all. When I read your post that thought came to mind. I don't know how I feel about that in my own relationship. People have told me that my marriage and relationship will have many lessons to teach me and prepare me for an even greater love to come. Hard to imagine that right now, but I can find some comfort in the thought. Best wishes for healing to you, because healing is what is needed after losing someone we love, even if they aren't good for us in the long run,.

I'm so sorry! You were telling my story exactly until you got to the part about him being distant and treating you badly. I thought he was the perfect guy for me. But one day, without warning, he just walked away because of his own issues, not because he didn't love me. To listen to him talk, I'm perfect. When we finally did talk he kept telling me how wonderful I was and had zero complaints about me other than I have pets in the house.
He started seeing someone pretty quickly...apparently that's his way of "self medicating" according to his sister-in-law. He also wanted to stay friends but like you, I felt that would be too painful. I had to tell him not to contact me anymore and he is respecting my wishes.
As for letting go...I think the hardest part of that is letting go of hope that the past could have been any different. I have really struggled with that and it just takes time. I'm not sure I've completely let go yet but the fact is, they aren't with us anymore and they aren't going to be.
Even if mine wanted a second chance, I wouldn't trust it. I think he would just get scared or panic or whatever it is he does and walk away again. There were days it was so painful, I didn't know how anyone could possibly survive hurt like that. I wasn't suicidal, I just didn't know anything could hurt so much and not kill you. I also had constant anxiety which after 6 weeks, only comes in waves now so that's a huge improvement. I'm still terribly sad but it's not consuming my life like it was for awhile.
It is devastating but it will get better...it just takes time. I hated people telling me that because I got pretty sick of feeling this way pretty quickly. Unfortunately, it's true. I did read a book called "Men Who Can't Love" that was immensely helpful to me. It explains commitment issues and it has helped me realized that this really was him, not me.
You will let go when you're ready. There's no time frame. Allow yourself to grieve your loss and lean on friends and family. I would also suggest some counseling to help you sort some of this out.
Hugs to you!

i went through almost the exact same thing as well. Melissa's got some great advice. I think she's a little bit ahead of me in the grief timeline so i'm taking her lead.

I think it's actually the nicer thing when they leave us alone. Don't be his friend. It will prolong the pain and you don't deserve that.

It's strange, my ex-bf's sister in law said something to me once like "He'll start playing games with you at some point." And alluded to cheating. (He's one of three brothers who all cheated I guess) I never let that go...it always haunted me. Now it makes sense.

I hate to say "they're all the same" but there are distinct patterns that some men fall into.

You don't have to fall in it with them. Go live your life...it will be so much better this way!

rubywillow is right...it is better to have no contact because it does prolong the pain. It's a wound, and talking to them rips it open and makes it bleed again. The more times the wound is opened, the longer it takes to heal.
No contact is the hard part because the person you shouldn't talk to is the only one who would make you feel better at the moment. But that's just instant gratification because it won't last and your heart will break all over again.
Having a broken heart is absolutely brutal.

Thank you so much...I don't plan on keeping contact with him because every time he tries talking to me, it hurts even more. And I started college again last week and I am in the health field so I already have tests and exams, but it's so hard to focus on everything when all I can think about his him. I don't want it to affect my grades

I am so sorry to hear that, i know it is hard to leave someone when things just don't seem to be going right. Especially if you have been with them for many years, i may not be in the same situation but i do feel how it feels to not be with them because of my depression. I am sure that over time things will get easier and it's so very hard to try and get used to change to better yourself and your life. Sometimes things happen for a reason whether you want it or not. I know for me i'm going through a bad part in my life, but i'm trying to look at the future as me being happy no matter what and focusing on the positve instead of the negative. I know it is never easy to leave someone, especially if you love them a lot. I wish you well and if you ever need someone to talk to, i love to listen.

sorry to hear this for you. but sounds like you are already on your way forward, even if it doesnt feel like it yet. i think it's really smart and healthy that you said in your reply that you aren't going to keep in touch with him. it will hurt more that way, and good for you for realizing that. it's hard either way, but it is a much much easier form of hard to cut ties and move forward. and as you also said, you realize you don't want to let him affect your grades, that is smart too. i have been an RN for 12 years now, but i remember how hard school was like it was yesterday. good for you for realizing you need to make school your priority. focusing on your studies, your future career, helping others, as well as cutting ties with him, this will all help. so it sounds like you are doing right. proud of you for that. you are stronger than you realize, i can tell already by the smart choices you are making so far. again, sorry you are going through this, but all of us here understand and will be here for you as needed. BIG HUGS to you!