I was with my girlfriend for 5 and a half years and 8 months ago we broke up. The first 5 years were honestly very rough. She was technically still married and i broke up with her multiple times but we always got back together. There was so much that went down. I am currently in recovery for being a pathological liar and I use the support groups for lying on this website, but honestly I lied to her from the very beginning and when the truth finally came out I had nothing to say I was so embarassed and so ashamed. My best friend T was there too and I did lie to her as well about some stupid shit over the years. On the way back from my best friends house i thought we were done but she was willing to forgive me as long as i was good to her son. I messed up so bad with her son. We would disrespect each other a lot and instead of me being the bigger person and swallowing my pride i was mean to him, i grounded him i power played him and i was cruel to him. I apologized every time for it but I think it was me and him competing for my girlfriends time and I just did it all wrong. I would keep the door closed a lot and he's an only child so he was alone a lot of the time. Because I had spent my entire life being put second and I guess I wanted to be put first for once but I understand now that the kid needs to be put first and I guess I couldn't handle it. After the lying came out she pretty much stopped trusting me and with good reason because it was a lot of lies. That takes some time but she would constantly bring it up and I started sleeping on the couch because of my snoring and it just wasn't right anymore. 8 months ago my dad had a heart attack and I said that I had to move back. She refused to go and so I moved my stuff out but I told her that I still wanted to continue the relationship. Most of our relationship also I talked constantly about getting my own apartment because I'm not a big fan of living with kids but she said she would not be ok with that at all so we broke up. Even after she kept talking to me although we weren't "talking" and I did get my own apartment. She was still talking to me and i was sexually active and i think she found out. She blocked me and then last week unblocked me and said she wanted to talk to me. I thought this was my opportunity to tell her all of the wrong i did and that i am so so sorry but that ship has sailed apparently. She yelled at me and bit my fucking head off for posting that I miss her on facebook. I think now that I finally got what I wanted i realized that it wasn't grand at all and now I want to go back but it's too late and my heart cannot move on from this. Just because I lied to her did NOT mean that I didn't love her with all my heart and soul. I need help and advice and I needed to get this out