((hugs))

Why not intiate sex with him and try to get the intimacy back?

Desirekw, doesn't it work the other way round?

I guess it depends on what you want in your life. Living with an addict does not have much promise of a good future. You say you are in financial ruin as well. You say you are a victim of emotional and physical abuse. Why would you want to stay together?

As far as the intimacy with someone else goes, you can work on that in your future. Sometimes loving someone is just not enough. You can not change someone. You can not make them give up the drugs. The roads of life are littered by those mates who thought they could change their partners, spouses, etc. I am sorry you are in this situation but, you are going to have to decide what you want in life. You say you have separated before. If he comes back, what will change? Don't set yourself up for more hurt. If he won't get help, you can not help him.

I miss making love with a man I'm in love with.

I'm confused if you miss being intimate with your hubby, then why turn him down? Are you separated?

Desirek....because I am divorcing him, not because I want to but because he is an addict and keeps relapsing. I don't wan to live like this anylonger. We still love each other and being intimate with each other was one of the best parts of our marriage. i don't want to divorce but it seems I am at the end. Only God knows now. Thank you

Oldbiker...thank you and you are probably right. It's so hard though because he worked the program for so many years. I would say he has been clean for 12 out of the 24 years of our marriage. mhmmm, I know I should move on b/c you are right, what will change. I can't wait to see how he feels when he reads the letter I wrote him tonight. It was not bad. I actually thanked him for all he provided for me and our family and tried to compliment him. i apologized for the hurt I caused him also. i was unfaithful x2. Some of his bad behavior is directly related to this but yes I know it can not be used as an excuse.

As for the sex, I am pretty sure I won't fall pray to it again or at least not until he has gone to rehab and I decide if I want to be with him.

Thank you so much for posting.

Sorry to hear your husband suffers from addiction, but your well being is more important right now. Intimacy can be had again, even if it's not with him.

cisl - I would imagine that many of us went through the stage where we "never" thought we would find an intimate relationship as great as with our spouses. I certainly thought I was finished from that standpoint when my wife left. My dry spell went a years through separation, divorce and singledom. I am also not a hook up guy, but in two great relationships since divorce, I found amazing intimacy. Surprised me like crazy.

Give it time - the desire is strong now but will subside - trust me. You seem like you are making a good decision for you. Stay the course.

insightful... yes..you are right about my well being. I can't believe it has taken me all these years to see my husband's manipulative addict behavior. Even though he was nice to me and did a lot for me , he still lived a double life and if he was clean i was neglected each night when he went to his meetings.

This is another difficult part of the divorce process--how to deal with a loss of intimacy.

I am also not a "friends with benefits" person, so it was difficult for me. You just find ways to work through it.

Eventually, when you have healed and are ready to date again, you will likely find someone with whom you will want to be intimate.

Sending hugs.

Noworries...thank u that was insightful. I am feeling a bit stronger today. Each day we don't communicate I begin to think "wow, is it really over this time"? See, as I have said my husband is an addict, he is also seriously in debt and his flooring business has somehow gone under. I think it is a combination of addiction, poor handling of income and the economy. Man is he up shits creek. however, I have no idea why he has not filed 4 bankruptcy seeing I gave him the money too.

Anyway, I hear what you say bout find intimacy again but I also feel God does not want me to until I marry again but I do not know if and when that will be. Listen to me, the woman who was unfaithful x 2 saying this. I actually have always felt this way and tried to abstain throughout my life but found myself doing it.

It just feels really weird, it has been 6 weeks since we were intimate.

cisl, I have not been intimate with my STBX or any other man since last year. At first it was driving me crazy, as time went on, it got less and less. Now, a year later, I am finding that yes, I want sex. Intimacy, I am not ready for that yet. There is a difference. Give yourself time. The physical act is a release of sorts for our bodies. It is our emotions/hearts that need to heal. Just the thought of being intimate with a man is terrifying to me at this time. Those r my thoughts on it. Hugs.