Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

13,010 Members

100,360 Posts

0 Online

All4meNow 12/12/2016

So today hit marks 2 weeks since my husband has walked out after 12 1/2 years of marriage. I can say that these two weeks have been a roller coaster of emotions for me. I've had days where I have cried non stop, days where I feel like I am just going through the motions of life, and honestly there were a few days when my kids were gone and I was alone that I felt like jut giving up and swallow a bottle of sleeping pills. Thank God I did not do that, my 2 kids deserve better than that and my ex is not worth my life. But the last few days I have just been plain pissed off about this whole situation.

So back in September after getting off work I learned that my ex had left the kids at home all night while he went out doing God knows what. Anyway long story short I got a call from the county sheriffs office saying my husband had been arrested for dui (he blew twice the legal limit), not knowing until after I bailed him out that he was arrested with an 18 year old girl. I tried to forgive him and work it out for the kids. But 2 weeks ago I got a phone call from him saying he wants a divorce because he needed to work on himself.

Nedless to say I was devistated, I tried so hard to work things out. I offered to go to counseling anything. But everything I tried was shut down. Things didnt really make sense on how there was absolutely no emotions what so ever over this. But last night I found text messages between him and the 18 yo girl. He was telling her how much he loves her and was just being nice to me so I would not rape him on child support and limit visitations with the kids. I was sadly trying to be nice and let him pay half of the amount until he cound get on his feet and get court costs and fines paid off.

I'm so pissed that not only did he lie about why he left, he lied about continuing to see the girl. I feel like he was using me for the money. Also I took the money out of savings to may his lawyer for the dui and the next day he left. I feel so used.

I really don't know how I should deal with this situation. Where do I go from here?

trueblue 12/12/2016

It sounds like he isn't planning on making this work. The best thing you can do is get a great lawyer, and by that I mean someone who is reasonable, not adversarial and not wimpy. Hugs :)

strongandsilent 12/12/2016

He put you at risk. He put your kids at risk. He is proactively and intentionally manipulating you so to minimize his financial obligations ... leaving you and your children exposed.

What do you do?

You call a lawyer and you get advice on how to separate. And you do that now.

Personally, I would also make sure I took out half of all balances in joint accounts as well. But I am not a lawyer.

All4meNow 12/12/2016

I closed the joint account, gave him a cashiers check and walked away.

Koko 12/12/2016

Good for you. Stay strong. Hugs.

Lauradlou 12/17/2016

Wow, I am really sorry to hear about your situation. I understand why you are feeling all of these emotions. I think you need to do what is best for you and the safety of your children. Have you considered seeing someone to help walk you through this? Best of luck! Praying for you and your family.

All4meNow 12/17/2016

I started speaking with a counselor about things, it has helped so so much. I've had time to sit and look at how my marriage really was, not what I thought it was. Looking back I see the verbal abuse I made excuses for, and I'm ashamed to say there was times of physical abuse that I excused away also. I've made small changes here and there around the house that I would not have been able to before all of this

jojored 12/17/2016

I would focus on the parenting plan you'll have to come up with. Leaving the kids home alone while he's out drinking is NOT ok (I assume they're too young to be left alone at night, considering you've only been married 12 years). How many other times do you think he's left them to go out? His choices and actions do not seem to make him good parent material. Even if it's convenient for you to have him have them overnights (you work nights, yes?) can you trust him?

lostinthecycle 12/17/2016

First off, congrats to you on being strong! I agree with the others in regards to seeking out a lawyer. I understand wanting to give him a break due to his financial position but when did he ever take into account what his actions were doing to you and his children financially and emotionally? He didn't. This is a person you fell in love with and vowed to spend the rest of your life with so there is going to be a flood of emotions going through you but you need to focus on you and your children and not him(yes I do know how absolutely difficult this is but like I mentioned, you're strong!). Do what is going to make you happy in the end and fight for what you and your kids deserve. Good for you on recognizing the abuse as many of us continue to make those excuses and never admit to what is/has really happened. It is great that you are seeing a counselor of your own as well, I know I felt much better when I was seeing one as well. You are going to have good and bad days, celebrate all of the good days and when you have a bad day just try to find one positive to get you through it. Good luck and I wish you all the best. Stay strong! :)

All4meNow 12/18/2016

jojored, my kids are 16 & 11, my son is very responsible and watches over his little sister so allowing them to be alone at night isn't a problem since my house is just across the street from the hospital I work at. I've had it added to the divorce papers that neither one of us (especially my stbx) can bring alcohol around the kids.

Lostinthecycle, yes the emotional roller-coaster is hard sometimes. Therapy has helped so much. I also read my bible and have faith that no matter how much pain I may be in now God has a plan and one day he will show me. keep the faith and stay strong even if on the inside I'm emotionally exhausted

Join the Conversation