I had a long talk with my therapist this last week. She had me write down everything that happened in my relationship so far. From the begining to now and told me to not leave out any painful details. As I started writing I suddenly felt sick. I started remembering how we got together because he bullied me into going out with him. How I broke down from fighting so much on top of stress from college that I just said, " yeah sure I'll be your girl I guess." All because I didnt want another fight. 

I did learn to love him, but the more I wrote the more I realized how scared of this guy I am. For the past year now I have had to push down my emotions and stayed away from talking to him about my problems becasue he would twist my words and make me feel like they really wernt problems at all. He would get angry, start yelling and make me feel like I was just picking fights out of the blue. If it wasnt for my closest friends and my therapist I would have had a mental breakdown by now.

I wrote about three pages of how mad I was at myself for letting this guy guilt me, tell me my depression is nothing and then bully while saying he's just joking.

I confronted him about it all and said I wanted to take a break. At first I thought, " ok I told him how I feel and I'm standing by what I said." He was mostly calm, we both cried together but decided on boundaries together.

This morning however, as I went to do laundry he came racing down the stairs, grabbed the full laundry basket of clean clothes and threw it up the steps. The side bars on the basket snapped. I listened to him screaming and hitting the walls. I stood frozen in fear that he was gonna come back downstairs. I couldnt stop crying and shaking. But when I caught my breath I went up the steps and found some posters torn off the walls, laundry all over the floor and he had run off to his office room after slamming the door.