Please,please try to stay busy, to keep your mind busy! Try ONE THING new...maybe look up yoga videos on line, get a happy movie, make a list of fun memories, or find someone for you to HELP...it will take your mind off of it! Please JOURNAL! Write everything down in a special notebook. By gosh, YOU are just as worthwhile as you ex( maybe more), and YOU will shine! Allow yourself a specific amount of time to grieve, then get up and get out!!! Spring is coming, and so is a NEW YOU!!! Praying for you!!!!! How do I know this? I went through it.

I am here if you need someone to talk to. Loneliness is a bad companion. Dealing with a breakup is bad enough but, losing a loved one makes it seem more intense.

Thank you Joconna, I appreciate your response...I am hopeful, but we will see. I've tried journaling before but it's hard for me to understand what my feelings are to write down...if that makes sense? Do you have any advice for right before going to bed, that seems to be the worst part of the day for me..

Thanks OLDBIKER, I appreciate it a lot

you may find someone special or you may not, but its not the end of the world if you don't find one and your relationship status (whether single or couple) won't stop you from enjoying (other than yourself) many different kinds of experience this world has to offer. you need to take few step back with the focus/attention you are giving to "relationship partner" area in your life and know that its only a part of a life that is optional.
Being caring and considerate in a relationship is wonderful thing but you should do it up to the level you are comfortable with as it sounds like you are too over doing it. You should comfortably be you and don't go so overboard that you undermine your own self. you need caring as much as others and good relationship is all about feelings/ kindness being reciprocate to one another not just one person in the relationship doing it all.
your ex-partner's reaction to your situation says all about his lack of basic moral and mannerism as another human being and instead, you should be celebrating that you are no longer associated with him.

Journaling, took me a bit to get the hang of it. I got better at it when my therapist told me about "free flow, free thinking, writing. Just write whatever comes to mind. Doesn t matter what it is, if it make any sense or not. Don't care about anything going in any kind of order. Write mad write sad write happy, just write. The important thing is to get that jumbled stuff out of your head. Your mind wants to remember everything. But sometimes there's to much going on to remember it all that well and there doesnt seem to be any more room for new information or to be able to organize what's there. Writing things down allows your brain to use that journal as a separate filing cabinet. It feels ok letting that information go, cuz it know where to go when it needs it. Does that make sense to you?
Now heartbreak. Hardest thing for us woman to deal with and move on from. A year and a half ago, My husband after 27 years tells me he hasn't really loved me in years, and doesn't want to have to deal with any of my emotional ups and downs anymore. But if I can get my emotions and shit together he may consider working towards a recommendation. Last new years eve, he throw "i want a divorce" at me during a heated argument and then sorts took it back. (4 years ago I had brain surgery) nice dickhead of a guy huh? Anyway, it felt like he ripped my heart out, throw it on the ground and stomped on it. I was devastated to say the least. Totally blindsided. I went down the rabbit hole. I wanted to leave the planet, I was not in a good place. And I couldn't see how I could ever get past this. I got all the stay positive quotes, put them up around the house, worked with therapist on my negative self talk. Worked on facing my fears. All very blah blah blah at first. Then I got a wonderful book from someone. "The Power within you" by Louise Hay. And found the Trust Your Journey site on Facebook. With those tools and a lot of self determination and positive self talk about taking care of me and what's best for me, I began to find my strength and ME again. I'm still a work in progress. I'm still living with the soon to be ex. My complicated health issues including radiation treatments, made it to difficult to live apart. And for me to keep trying to move forward. My heart got a new tear this past "last" Christmas with his family.
Our hearts will heal. Don't fight your feelings. Really Feel them. There's no time limit on them. Look to your inner you for what you want and need. Once you get that the rest will follow. I don't want to go through life anymore thinking that nobody's ever going to want or love me again. I had to realize that I have to learn to love me first, before I can expect anyone else to. Im still working towards that goal. Hard to hit a target that isn't there. So I put that one up. And all the little targets I need to hit in order to reach that one. This is not easy stuff to do. Mistakes and setbacks are part of the healing process.
Bed time. Yep that one is a toughy. Lavender scented pillows. Reading and positive self talk. I use the TV also, cuz I'm a professional overthinker.

Yes I agree journaling is just writing down any thoughts you have, if I become aware of feelings at some point I might then write that. Has helped me cope with loads

Gosh I had no heart until I was eighteen fell for the first guy that paid me attention. He was introduced to me as the office jerk or creep!

He ruined my heart til it was bitter, I thought it would always be poisoned.

I then had no heart until I went to rehab and a therapist stayed in contact unethically. He was a total tosser, once he had the attachment he then sent blow upon blow upon my mind., He was a master of manipulation to try and get me to do harmful things. He really was the one to open pandoras box for me. He trashed my heart connection and made me very disbelieving that anyone cares our is a good person

Then I got unleashed that need for him into my nhs therapist, who then proceeded to push my abandonment buttons till she drove psychotic. A friend said that she did it on purpose, seeing her sick smile in reaction to my pain, I know she was a sadist. She utterly ripped my heart out. And made me too scared to attach again.

At the same time she was driving me insane with the pain a male friend decided that was the time to swoop in and ruin our heart felt connection by taking advantage of my vulnerability. The pain of going against my morals and the fact that I didn't want a psychopath as a father to my kids. Had me detach from him as soon as I was well enough

Years later with no connection I then went to group therapy where I spontaneously felt loads of love for a guy there, but he had a personality disorder so would basically play games with all the women, wasn't sure if it was too cause jealousy for an ego boost or to reject me. He rejected me and that ruined that glimpse of my heart

I then got psychotic in that therapy so left it immediately and hired a private therapist. After seeing a few I spontaneously felt love for this therapist for the whole hour, but then he kept breaking the confidentiality of the container that upset and stressed me out no end. And by this time I was very certain that professionals feel no love for you that when he suggested that therapists do fall in love with their clients and I felt loved. I got very angry with him and he didn't have the goonies to stick by me through that and convince me that he meant it

So that ruined that connection

A friend teaching religion, quoted such lovely b ideas that my heart unexpectedly responded by feeling love and everyone in the room turned to shame me for feeling love so that ruined that connection

My niece who made me feel lush stuff I cared for three times a week for a year but after my brother found out I went psychotic he ended all contact with her

So that trashed that attachment

I had a best friend who was very boundaried nice and lovely, he ditched me when I went into a mental hospital from cptsd. Ghosted. So that lovely felt safety and love and gratitude and joy just evaporated from my life

So where I now?

I'm currently with a good man that makes the suffering end. But have no heart. I fear I will never love again after so many years without love and what with being rejected and abused by those I gave it to out of desperation to cope with cptsd

I don't know why I don't feel love... I had therapy last year went psychotic and in hospital I was feeling sexual love towards him. But the government abused me bad in hospital and traumatised me again.
So I lost that feeling I was falling in love with my bf

:( He's such a good safe guy, I wish I had love for him, he wants to be with me for life.

I wondered if having my own child would spring my heart back into life???

Scared to have therapy, the nhs says it causes my psychosis.

So as you can see.... You can have your heart ripped out to over whelming grief cheated on abused and forced upon

And still it will spring into life, so I think there is always hope the heart will come back

Just wish I had it with my bf. :( maybe I'm broken????

Sigh, no idea what the solution is. The thought of trying to find another man is horrible. I'm sure it's an internal problem

I was actually just going to relax about it let all the trauma fade away and do nice things to cheer myself up and avoid anything that upsets me. And see if that moves me back into a loving frame of mind

Grateful to have no suffering today

All the best

Shopgirl
I logged on to ask how i can stop crying at work due to my wife separating from me. I read your post on my way to doing that, and I instantly stopped. I'm so sorry for your loss and that you're going through that while trying to recover from a break up. The pain of being ignored at this time by someone who you thought cared for you is very sad. I have so much empathy for what you are going through. Continue to reach out, here, with friends, with a therapist, do whatever you can to not let yourself be defeated. You'll feel better, but don't have unrealistic expectations. Everyone here wants you to feel better, sometimes the advice is pretty clinical and seems cold, but the foundation of taking any of those steps is to love yourself and vow to put yourself first and be patient and forgiving of yourself. If you can do that all the other advice will come more naturally and easy.

Wishing you the best.

I'm sorry you've lost two people you dearly loved. A loss like those just take time to heal. I'm praying you'll find maybe a support group or even a local church you could become a part of and build a community of support to be there for you and maybe some close friends to share things with. A burden shared sure lightens our loads, we're not meant to carry them alone. My heart and prayers are with you for healing and comfort. I pray you'll find some support here as well, you're never really all alone, we're here and we care.

Goffrey, I like your response to shopgirl21. Put us all into a good perspective. Well wishes and helping words come in so many different forms.

Shopgirl21, I truly hope you are doing better. And I'm sorry about your grandmother. I'm sorry I missed saying that earlier.
prayers and hugs