I ask myself the same question all the time. It hurts so much too. HOw about the statement we are good together and we have a good relationship but I just don't love you anymore. I'll never understand.

I think you got it in one. That's what it means. Sorry you are having a hard time today hugs, kelly

I concur with you wholeheartedly! I was told the same thing....I love you but I'm not in love with you.....shit!

The initial butterfly effect usually wanes down, love remains and you can build on that and wake those butterflies up when necessary....he never allowed it. His loss.

I think they use this as a means to not say why they are really leaving us. This one statement keeps me awake at night wondering what he is really saying.

Oh, yes, the infamous "ILY but INILWY". Translation: It's been great, but you're not worth the effort anymore.

It really stinks! Now he has met someone who he thinks he has feelings for- and has the nerve to tell me that she and I are so much alike?? What the hell??? (Well except that she is married and is a cheater- so we're not that much alike!!). I also think that you cannot compare a relationship that is 18 years old and involves a whole life (children/house/work) and a new relationship that is in the courting stage and involves only the two people (no other responsibilities)... I am not begrudging him a new relationship- and I know we cannot ever get back together for many, many reasons (the biggest being he is an abusive narcissist)- I guess it just still hurts to feel so rejected- particularly when I put so much work into this relationship.. and he can just walk away.... UGH!!!

Thanks wonderful DS Friends- I am so grateful to all of you!!!

Yep, it's a total cop out.

Its just a crap answer that was probably in a movie at some time. It don't mean a thing except they are trying not to look like an ass.

No more total horse crap have I ever heard.

I think what the intent would be, is ... I love you, but I don't get butterflies in my stomach when I see you anymore.

they will tell you what ever pops into their heads to make them justify their actions. Mine told me he had found his soul mate, that she was what he needed. This was 2 years ago. He would come home from work so frustrated with her, when I ask him about this his comment was, well I guess I was trying to hide my true feelings for her. So I give up trying to figure out someone who does not even know themselves. Big hugs to you, there are just triggers that happen that get us to start thinking again.

I agree with TD. My therapist said it is BULL that people who do not care or research human psyc do not see past the partnership we gain in marriage, typically though it is woman that get bored these days and leave 60 plus% file, usually pre affair, have affair realize maybe they should of tried to make things work cause marriage is just that, a partnership, a job and the rewards should be love, commitment and understanding. We men typically have the affair first, this dog though was always chained to the fence! and was happy being there, does not mean I did not watch the cars go by!! I am human

I hate that statement! I sit there and try to break it apart, so I can understand it, when it reality....It isn't going to change anything!

Yes, it hurts like H-ll to hear it!

It was the worst one liner that I ever heard in my life, and my life has been a wreck ever since....

I find it easy to understand after reading "Five Love Languages".

The concept is that mature love requires each party to fill the other party's "love tank" using the love language that other party requires for fulfillment. It is a very simple concept that I found very enlightening.

If you love a person the way you want to be loved, they may not hear you. And it may leave them feeling empty. You must read this book.

If your love tank is empty, you don't feel the love so you don't feel "in love". It does not mean that you don't care about the person at some level but it means the love tank is empty. And the passion and fulfullment is long gone that we are conditioned to expect.

Roadrunner ... ramblins ... What do you think?

Luckily I never heard that line from my STBXH. He still would say he loves me when I allowed him to speak with me on the phone. I think he really meant, "I still want to manipulate you."

I DID get a line about how sometimes people divorce and get back together a few years later. WTF? If someone truly loved me, they wouldn't break my heart like that.