Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
A week ago today I had one of the best days with my boyfriend. It was 4th of July and we spent the day out having a great time and had dinner while watching the fireworks. Before we turned in for the night I asked him to remove some pictures he kept of his soon to be ex wife by his side of the bed which I face. He said, He kept them there because of his daughter to give her comfort. I asked him to put them away at least until she comes back from summer camp or when I am over. It hurts me to have to look at them and they've been separated for 2 and half years. I have been with him for a year and a few months. At this he said, if it's a big problem let's go to your place. We were already in bed. I got extremely angry that he wasn't willing to compromise. I said why do I have to stare at those pictures while we are intimate. Well, here it goes, I took said pictures and ripped them up and hit him over the head with them.
And of course he asked me to leave and by the next day we were done. I was apologizing profusely. And practically begging him to forgive me. I've never been violent before and we did have drinks over dinner( not an excuse, but maybe that was a contributing factor). He's furious or he was. Now he just says we are not right for each other and it hurts like crazy. To go from having a great day to in the blink of an eye having lost him. He says to give him time, 3 weeks or a month to be exact for him to sort his feelings and let things "marinate". I've been texting, and emailing non stop. And disrespecting the space he said he needed, but I am in disbelief and so upset. I couldn't control my emotions surrounding his soon to be ex or my temper. Do you think he'll around? Was that completely unforgivable? He says I'm important to him and just needs time but at the same time says we are fundamentally different and better cut our losses now. Feel like I'm in relationship purgatory.
So you can move thru all of these issues and i
Would also go no contact for Own your sake And
for your healing and do try to forgive yourself, i
would move on as lesson learned.
When you get divorced after a long term Marriage
its not simple emotionally and it does not Sound like
he is even divorced yet. I do not believe the healing
Begins until after the divorce.
Some people will not go without so they jump into a
new relationship way to quickly and before the Divorce
is even final. They are often not ready emotionally.
I Am two years post divorce and not ready myself. My
ex had his GF all ready and waiting after he asked for
a divorce. He was long checked out of the marriage
And emotionally disconnected from me. HUGS
Sometimes we say things in the heat of the moment that we don't mean. You felt uncomfortable with him having photos of his ex is not bad. But the way your acting now will only prolong any type of rekindling.
You have to take his word and not focus on him to much over the next 3 weeks - month! People have done far worst things and got back together, including myself lol! I'm in the same boat but its 1 week and a half and I feel better and better by the day. Release your desires into the Universe for an outcome, and let it go, things always mend quicker when we completely stop and let it be. He'll be back but until then focus on YOU! Try to push him out of your mind, Men do tend to sort things out in their heads "marinate"! The end result will be the best one for you both. Stay strong and God Bless.
You tearing up the photos was a wake up call for him and you. Uh, the dreaded wait. A friend of mine told me to let it go, and focus on me, and he'll be back. She stated "he's quiet in the moment, and thinking about all you said to him"! Yes, the Universe always answers according to the beat of your drum, when we focus to much on the other person, we're projecting, such as "standing in the way". When we simply let it go and trust, the path is clear, creating a quicker route back to one another. If that makes sense. I wrote down what I want to happen in the next 4 weeks with my relationship and simply let it go. The thought creeps back in, from time to time and then I try to shift my focus. Give that a try. Blessings
He's a dad, his daughter comes first. If he believes those photos were important to help his daughter feel a family connection, he had a right to do that. I would do the same thing as he is doing, request a good amount of time away from you to figure out where things will go.
I don't know when the two of you got together, but divorce is devastating. Perhaps he began dating you too early in the process. The main point is, he's a dad, and his daughter should come before any love interest in his life.
My bf is divorced and has a daughter. He has photos of him, and his daugther throughout his house! No where in sight is there a single photo of his ex wife. He has a 5,000 sq ft. House and I walked every inch, she is NOwhere. Just his daugther, himself, his parents as it should be!!!!!
People are ridiculous with "oh put the child first" you do know children grow up and get married too right? You should support, love, nutrition, provide, and protect your child. But if you want to remarry and start a new family you cannot throw "my child will always come before you" in their face! Bc if that's the case mf, either go back to your ex or stay single. Really? It's sick! When I have children I will NEVER put them before my husband, I will do all I mentioned above for them! But when they are adults and married too, I want to still have a strong loving relationship with my husband.
#2 the comment about - let's go to your house if the picture bothers you so much - sounds like a load of BS to me. Was he just trying to shut down the conversation, knowing that no one was going to get up and drive to your house at that time of night? Or maybe that was his indirect way of telling you that he's not ready to let go fully of his stbx.
Whatever the case, direct honest communication was/is needed to get to the bottom of this. I personally wouldn't want to be involved with a guy who still isn't over his ex. I'm sure the waiting will be difficult for you.
A compromise is going to your house??? Even if he took the photos down, he would only have been doing it because you asked him to. Unless he does it on his own, it doesn't really mean anything. We all have our feelings and other people can't take those away. The photos being out are a sign of his feelings toward his STBX. He may not admit he still has feelings for her, but his actions say that he does. Or that he doesn't, but he is still working through things mentally.
It seems like you're wanting him back and wish you hadn't said anything about the photos. You can't force things to work out. The photos being there meant something. You can't ignore his STBX is still on his mind. Or, maybe it isn't even her that he has feelings for. Maybe he is still working through issues of his family breaking up. That is a very traumatic thing. It's awful to go through divorce...period, but when you have children together, it's more severe.
Either way, I don't think he is ready for a committed relationship right now. Maybe if you give him some real space and time, he will heal. Then he could possibly feel you're suited for one another. But it seems right now, he isn't suited for anyone.
I'm sorry, I want to give you hope, but my best advice is to let things happen naturally and not try to force anything.