I hate to say this and I know u don't want to hear it because I'm in same boat they left us for other ppl aND all we want is them back our lives back mines only been gone 2 weeks and I think for our sanity we gotta just focus on ourselves and do no contact even though they will answer us it doesn't help. I am glad I found this site just wished we could chat in real time if anyone knows good chat rooms let me know. I find talking helps I know I'm not moved on .

I have shut off my phone in order to not contact her. It sucks because I've done that many times and I always ending up hearing from her when I turn it back on.

Well idk about chat rooms currently but I think you are being manipulated in the worst way. I'm an old guy taking care of eldest of two sons. Divorce still coming in another month and both son and I have moved on a lot mentally. Still more time needed to say healed from 38 years of a manipulative alcoholic that when the last card was being dealt she chose to go on a more violent side to being just a drunk. Worst was son had to see it and the memory of her it left for him. I won't say much more but don't be a victim anymore if any of this rings true for you too. Not just men commit domestic violence and the cops don't always get it right either.

Scream at the top of your lungs - either wild psycho screaming or purposeful yelling at her for all of the hurtful things she's done. Punch the shit out of something - her favorite spot on the couch, the bed pillows. Get a punching bag and gloves. Do these things till you're exhausted. Don't let things stay bottled up inside you for too long otherwise they will eat you up inside or come out at very inappropriate times (like at work, like at the cashier who forgot to give you change, like at the guy who just cut you off). Write a journal, say everything you feel. I've done all of these things and they each helped a little bit. Except the punching bag, that sucker hurts without gloves.

Yep. Screaming helps. I bottled mine up too. Was not helpful. I actually couldn't workout because as soon as the adrenaline hit, all my self control would tumble down and I would start crying. And there was NO WAY I wanted that happening in public. Really wish I had found an outlet to let it out! I think I would have moved past it more quickly...

It sounds like you're in limbo, waiting for someone else (her) to decide how your life is going to play out. Why are you waiting for her? She has left, and is living with someone else, that should be your cue to move on with your life. Are you aware of the grief and recovery you're going to experience if she were to come back to you? Things won't go back to normal, and you will struggle for years over it. And, she may end up leaving you again, for the same jackass.

She isn't causing your anger, you're doing that to yourself. You're keeping yourself in purgatory, because you don't want to let go. She's already moved on, yet you cannot.

There comes a time when we need to give up, and move on, and start a new life without the person who is causing us so much grief. You don't need to save her from where she is, she's done that all on her own, so you don't need to worry about her. It's time to stop thinking about her, and start thinking about yourself. But the human mind has a way of convincing us otherwise, yet it's our own cowardice, stubbornness, and lack of belief in ourself that stops us from growing and moving forward.

Wishing you well.

I get it. You need an outlet. Get in the shower or car and yell your lungs out. Yell everything you want to yell. If you still need a release after that, punch the heck out of a pillow. Try a kickboxing class. You get to punch and kick something for an hour. If there are little eyes or ears around, journal. Write a letter to her telling her everything that's in your mind and heart. Call her whatever you want, curse her, draw pictures etc. Then when you are done rip it up and throw it away. Have you read about the 5 stages of grief? Hugs.

Rule number 1, don't pay attention to was she says, pay attention to what she does,her actions. You will be surprised about the things you can learn about a woman in mins by just observing a womans behaviour, body language etc

Women communicate covertly and not overtly : her behaviour and actions are more accurate that what she's telling you.

Your wife left you for another man, and she's still with him. These are her actions, and they accurately communicate her intent, don't waste any time on what she's telling you.

Divorce her as soon as yesterday. You think/feel like you want her back but you really don't. Never stay with a woman who doesn't genuinely desire to be with you, she's with the OM becoz she genuinely wants to be with him, even though it's wrong to be with him.

In her mind you are option B, the safety net, just in case option A doesn't work out. Believe it or not, the worst thing for you, is for wife to come back

You have being trying to convience your wife to come back but it didn't work, why? Genuine desire can't be negotiated, it can only be attracted

The masculine polarises and attracts the feminine. You should have and should reacted from your masculinity : with little filtering/ retionalizing from your mind. How does a typical man feel when his wife cheats on him?

He is hurt, but in an angry way. He is angry at the guy who cheated with his wife : tell him he is a dead man, tell him he is gonna regret it, speak and act out of your anger to him. Ask your wife for the OM number and tell he is gonna pay for distroying your marriage. Be angry.

And how does he feel towards his cheating wife? Betrayal and disgust, you don't want to see her and you don't want to touch her : the thought of another man on her repulses you. You feel disrespected, emasculated: this is the worst thing a wife can do to her husband, she is leting you raise another mans kids, she killing your name.

Every man wants a woman he can call his own, she doesn't have to be perfect, but she has to be yours and yours alone. Even women want to belong to the man they love.

Your masculine energy was designed for sutuations like this, let it out. The masculine in you doesn't want your cheating wife back, the masculine in you won't even want to touch her if she comes back, the masculine in you knows she can't be trusted again, and would gladly go through the discomfort of divorce than to take her back.

The masculine in you doesn't want to take back a wife another man had power to take away from you, use and discard as he pleased. A wife another man has power over.

You are suffering from the myth of ' oneitis' : she is the only one for me and there is no other. There are many other women who are compatible with you, more so than your wife.

Yours is not the typical affair, wife cheats,gets caught, breaks up with OM, apologizes, pleads for you to take her back, ' give me one last chance to prove myself ' etc Your wife physically staying with the OM, 'the behaviour', she is asking, screaming for a divorce ' the covert comm'

You are just 31 years old, you are more attractive and desirable to women now than you ever where in your 20's. If you knew the potential,the possibilities, the fun that awaits you, you would be dancing naked instead.