It is very independent.

Very independent of you.

Maybe you misread the independence she was looking for.

And... if she started seeing him the day after... she's been seeing him before that, or some kind of connection was made.

The independence she wants is from a man that doesn't want children. And I have to agree with TD, she knew him long before you broke up.

As for having no money... are you sure about that? Maybe she has an account you aren't on or don't know about?

Sorry if that is harsh.

I'd say she's been planning this for a while. I'm not saying this to hurt you. She just finally made her move. It really has nothing to do with being independent or not wanting kids. Take care of yourself. I know how badly this hurts and so many of us on here have been right where you are. Vent to us here.

i'm so sorry that your upset. through all these break-ups and divorces there have been so many things many of us don't understand. we have had to come to the conclusion we may never understand. thats why you'll see people telling you to focus on yourself. try to stop thinking about where she is or where she is going and with who. not having money, where she is staying, who's buying the drinks, none of that matters, all of that will drive you crazy as you well can see. yes it hurts, but.....i promise it gets better, i just can't tell you when. do things that you love to do, go out with your friends, focus on you. xoxoxoxoxoxox

It is so hard to focus on you. We say and hear that so much on DS but it is next to impossible. Especially when they leave for someone else, self esteem and value becomes such a mindset that it is so hard to not beat ourselves up. I know this first hand and that is why I am telling you it is OK. We live and we learn, try the best you can is all you can do. You did not buy this ticket but unfortuantly you have to get on the ride. It is a long ride too. Many of us carry a dependency on our spouses for our happiness, when it gets cut we are lost, angry, confused, depressed and about every other emotion and forgot how to care for ourselves cause we always put someone else first. It takes time, mine has been over 2 months of real separation and it still hurts, I still cry, I do not think divorce papers are going to make the pain go away. Think of this though, is she feeling the same way?? Probably not so therefor just do the best you can, Vent, workout, eat, start thinking of all the goals you wanted to reach before she was an anchor in your being!
godbless

I really wish she would have told me that not wanting kid's would be the end of our marriage. I told her this many times during the 5 years we were married...

Melin: I cant be 100% sure of course, but the fact that she's borrowing 300$ to make rent this month... i HOPE theres an account I dont know about. I supported her for 3.5 years, she didnt start working untill 8 months ago...That's alot of double shifts and overtime!!. The guy she's with now, they have been friends for awhile now, but being the trusting husband I am, i never questioned anything. Guess that was a mistake.

Chrurop : Thank's =( it makes it a little easier dealing with this when someone eles tell's me there is an end to the pain. I'm just not sure how to cope? Its extreme sadness and depression then just overwhelming anger...i've always been a very strong person, just feel like in falling and thers nothing to grab hold of.

Thanks for the replys everyone

Why doesn't she borrow the money from her new boyfriend? I'm just saying... If they are close enough they can go away for the weekend, then he can loan her money to pay her rent.

I am sorry my friend that this happened to you. I went through this years ago too. My wife was having affairs on me and I didn't know it. I came home from working out of state and I heard that a friend of mine and his wife had separated. I went to where this friend worked and asked him if there was anything I could do to help him and his wife to get back together. I did this because I had known both of them for a long time.

He told me he appreciated my offer but to let it go, that they would work things out. Two weeks later, I found out why they separated. His wife caught him with another woman. Guess who the other woman was, Yeah, it was my wife!!!!!!!

Talk about a kick in the face. After we divorced, I found out that she had been having affairs with a lot of men that I had considered my "friends". I am thankful I moved to a different town because this was very hard for me to accept.

It's not easy to handle my friend. Thee will be times when it almost crushes you other times, you can learn to deal with it easier. My prayers are with you.

Vent away.
I'm sorry you are going through this. I know what a hit it is to self esteem. You keep asking yourself "why?", "what did I do wrong?", "What could I have done differently?". And most of the time, there are no answers. And we have to learn to live with that, and slowly get used to it and start to move on with our lives. It does happen. (((hugs)))

So sucks what you're going through! The need to "know and understand" is killer. It will stick with you for a while. I am SO like that and I hate it. I must have answers towards understanding.

As a woman, who believes she reads people really well and knows how people work, I think that her needing "independance" means "do what I want, when I want, how I want." That's what that means to us. That doesn't mean "me time alone without a partner." It does to a degree because with independance we have those day options. Most women can not be alone(that is so sad) so they need to have someone, that might be what she is doing. She might not even be into him realy, but women are GREAT users for what they need. We will even do things just to affect our men, we won't even like the guy but just as long as our exes know we are/might be with them is enough for us.

She might not be in that spiteful mind, but our brains work differently than you guys, so she just might. I think that there is more to how she's feeling than what you listed. There is something more inside her that she was/is missing than just not wanting kids.

Melin : I've acctually had to bite my tounge (literally) several times on the subject of money as she is not my obligation anymore. I am also afraid of getting this into court. I have alot more to lose other then 300$...It kills me to give in but she honestly...owns nothing. She has had depression, major anxiety to the point she developed agoraphobia. She still cant order a pizza, or talk to a bank teller by herself. Problem is if she wanted, (From what im hearing) she could take what she would want, and i'm nervous...my guitars are my life, and she know's that. I;m not sure really how the law works on possestions but from what i've been told..it ussually does not bode well for the male. I could be wrong so correct me if i am please.

OldBiker: Man, that is brutal. I should leave town also, she acctually still lives in the same fucking building as me...excellent. she was adament about staying there too.

Shellsncheese : =( Thats the problem, I am that way too, i need to know why, blah blah blah. I have no idea what she's thinking, why she's doing the thing's she is doing. Can you belive she was angry with me, for being angry that she started seeing someone pretty much the same night (or before..dont want to go there.....) we split?...She gets angry with me for not being OK with it. I told her last week how the hell did she expect that convo to go? , "Oh awesome, heres 20 bucks dont forget a condom!!" Give me a break. Blah

Did you have the guitars prior to marriage or acquire them during the marriage? I'm not up on Canadian divorce law. Shouldn't be a gender issue though. Here at least it is division of marital property and if you had the guitars prior, they are YOURS. Some US states don't look at it that way.