Breakups & Divorce Support Group

Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.

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tailspin916 02/13/2015

She wants a separation, she will move out as soon as she can afford to, she wants to be amicable while she's still here for the kids' sake. She's no longer in love....

If that's the case, why is she still buying stuff to decorate the house? Why did she redo our youngest daughter's bedroom? Why did she buy me candy? Why did she offer to cook me dinner? Why does she keep texting me as if everything was fine? Why does she tell me about her day? Why does she tell me where she's going when running errands?

THEN she goes out with "friends" but I don't dare ask her where she's going as she needs space and doesn't need to answer to anyone. I'm even afraid to ask her what her plans are for Valentine's Day. Will she stay home or will she be going out? If out, with whom?

She doesn't want to go out to dinner with me, not even as a family. BUT is willing to stay home and watch a Netflix movie with me while the kids are at friends' homes for sleepovers.

I've surrendered to the fact, as painful as it is, that our marriage is over and she will move out as soon as possible. But these things that she does give me hope.... As soon as I start feeling hopeful, I snap myself out of it and just keep telling myself, "Give it up, your marriage is done!"

Then I think, "Well, is it really?" I just confirmed that I'm a total mess.

kbbcoop77 02/14/2015

She's made her position very clear. I would start thinking about how you're going to heal from this point forward. Having contact with her in regards to still being a couple will only hurt you.

Giselle123 02/14/2015

The support group Divorce after 20 years is very active and very supportive. I would highly recommend you reading posts from there even if it hasn't been 20 years. The people there are great.

NewBegin2012 02/15/2015

Sounds all too familiar to me too. Same exact scenario. The thing I don't understand is why would the spouse who is planning exit strategy for years want to take that route? Meaning, instead of acting in a stealth operation, put that time and energy into really voicing your real thoughts, thinking outside the box for solutions that would render success, putting everything you got into making it work before you decide to pull the plug. That way you can hold your head up high and really know you gave it the best shot you possibly could before ending it.

I understand falling out of love can happen and I don't want anyone to stay with me if they don't love me. But still it sucks a whole lot when someone submits marriage vows with you and vows to stick by thru thick and thin and then changes their mind or their love for you has stopped. Like I said, I don't want someone with me if they don't love me, but it is fricken devasting to the other person's life when they leave. They have walked down a path with someone, built a life, had kids, relocated, shared finance or whatever. A whole lot of investment went into building a life with that person and they just change how they feel. It is a fricken nightmare.

Marriage needs not to be taken lightly and an extreme amount of value should be placed on it. Relationships start off emotionally based but marriage is a much bigger deal and a lot more goes into it than the passion and romance.

murphytoronto 02/15/2015

it amazes me how many stories are the same

This thread helps me by seeing that I am not alone

and the whole scenario is being explained now to me by this sharing

yougospam 02/15/2015

for the last few years when I would try and bring up things about our marriage, I said I could feel his distance and asked what I could do to improve our relationship, I got this response every time "I'm here aren't I? If I didn't want to be here I wouldn't be here". this kind of cold hearted, non personal reposonse is what I held on to. I felt no security in that response but for fear of his leaving I accepted it. After he left, It took me a long time to realize......he didn't want to be here. I have since come to learn that he is a runner, I'm a fixer, a deadly combination if the runner stops trying. He did that to his 1st wife, a long time girlfriend and now me.

I do believe our exes checked out long before they left. they possibly grieved over the broken relationship, and possibly feel some guilt but they were done and that is why it is easier for them to move on in their new life. We are left to play catch up and figure out our lives.

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