Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
OMG I know I am an idiot and so stupid for not correcting my issues earlier but like a fool... I held on to a thread of hope that my ex, Cory, would realize she made a mistake and come back. I even allowed her to still work as my office manager because she did a great job and truthfully... If I let her go, I knew I would never see her or her son Matthew again.
Anyway, I have asked her a few times recently to move slow and to truly think before casting me and my kids aside. I asked her to just know that the person she is seeing is the same person that had nothing good to say about her in the past and even spent many years trying to get in my ex-wifes (Wendy) pants while we were married. He told her anything he could to discredit me to Wendy just in an attempt to sleep with her. I didn't know the extent of what he was telling her until recently when Wendy told me. He has cheated on his wife for years and will do the same to her. Her reservation with me was fear of abandonment. Go Figure....
After a very stressful day, I asked her if she wanted to take the kids this weekend to a corn maze and she said she had plans and wouldn't be around. I asked if she was going away again with Shawn and she indicated she was. I was absolutely 100% devistated and broke down like a baby. I asked her to not do that to me and to reconsider. She was cold, disconnected and had absolutely no remorse or consideration of my feelings for her at all.
I told her I could not work with her under the circumstances and that she needed to not come in tomorrow. I also told her that I didn't want to hurt her or her son and this was killing me emotionally. She said she would be just fine and i walked away crying like a foolish baby. I couldn't help it at all. I know I screwed up in so many ways!
Help me to regain myself as a man, a father, an employer and to not worry as she moves on and sleeps with this scumbag. I just can't even describe the pain of thinking of him with her because of how precious she is to me.
PLEASE HELP ME! I AM LOST MORE THAN EVER!
Jim :(
Anyway, I have asked her a few times recently to move slow and to truly think before casting me and my kids aside. I asked her to just know that the person she is seeing is the same person that had nothing good to say about her in the past and even spent many years trying to get in my ex-wifes (Wendy) pants while we were married. He told her anything he could to discredit me to Wendy just in an attempt to sleep with her. I didn't know the extent of what he was telling her until recently when Wendy told me. He has cheated on his wife for years and will do the same to her. Her reservation with me was fear of abandonment. Go Figure....
After a very stressful day, I asked her if she wanted to take the kids this weekend to a corn maze and she said she had plans and wouldn't be around. I asked if she was going away again with Shawn and she indicated she was. I was absolutely 100% devistated and broke down like a baby. I asked her to not do that to me and to reconsider. She was cold, disconnected and had absolutely no remorse or consideration of my feelings for her at all.
I told her I could not work with her under the circumstances and that she needed to not come in tomorrow. I also told her that I didn't want to hurt her or her son and this was killing me emotionally. She said she would be just fine and i walked away crying like a foolish baby. I couldn't help it at all. I know I screwed up in so many ways!
Help me to regain myself as a man, a father, an employer and to not worry as she moves on and sleeps with this scumbag. I just can't even describe the pain of thinking of him with her because of how precious she is to me.
PLEASE HELP ME! I AM LOST MORE THAN EVER!
Jim :(
Melanie
It's very powerful and explains the "process" people go through when suffering betrayal and loss like this.
Please be good to yourself. You are a good man - you do not want someone that doesn't want you. Period.
You will heal and you will thrive. You just don't see it yet. But it will happen for you.
You are a strong man. A good man to want to be with your love and child. Breaking down is not a weakness. It shows that you are strong enough to care. Try to focus on yourself. You have NO power over what she says or does. SHe is hurting you because she can. Best of luck. I am sorry for your pain. Wishing you a more peaceful day..
I ask that my friends here write to me often as it helps me to have something to look forward to!
Thanks again
Jim
Melanie
My dear, unfortunately you need to step back and realize that she has already made her decision. While it is a bad one, pointing it out to her and asking her to "reconsider" isn't going to accomplish anything.
You need to get yourself some counseling and focus on your own recovery from this damaging situation. You are stronger than this.
You are right to not work with her anymore. Having her around is only going to hurt you more. I think you need to seriously look at going "no contact" and just focusing on yourself.
(((HUG)))
You and I are alot alike, I went crazy emotional also. In my mind there's nothing more embarressing then a 6'6 280lb rubgy player/firefighter crying like a baby when I look back at it.
She has taken your joy and your peace, your contentment. One friend to another, and I know this will be extremely difficult, but save as much face as you can. Let her find a new job, and first things first, you need to make a close bud, a good friend.
You need someone physically there with you when your weak and emotional drained because you have been thinking about her all day.
You need a guy friend that you can go see a movie with, a good ole boy that you can go fishing with, someone that can speak wisdom into your life, not any more hatred or negative things about your wife.
Your children MUST NOT be a sounding board for you, and trust me, I was in your exact position and many times I wanted to talk bad about my ex to them, and they were very young. I wanted to know what was going on with her and this and that.
YOU HAVE TO COMPLETELY LET GO. A book I like to read alot tells of the wisdom there is in guarding your thoughts, and keeping all your thoughts under His submission.
Your mind is going to try and bend, your dreams will be filled with fake promises that she is coming back, you may wrestle and turn and not get any sleep because the demons that surround this tearing of your soul are treacherous.
There is a solution, and it starts with your mind! Control your thoughts minute by minute. When you wake up and take a shower, you may not have even realized it but you have already probably thought about her 20 times, and this process has already begun to wear on your emotional strength to get you through the day.
Control your thoughts! Learn to guard every thought that begins to saturate your mind, and if she is in it, or if there is negativity behind it, you must shake your head, and tell yourself to think on something else. For me, I replaced the thoughts with bible verses. Immediately when a thought would come into my head, I began reciting God's promises to me, that He does desire for me to dwell in peace, that He does have a great plan for my life, and so on. These are solid truths.
After a week of doing this, I guarentee you will start seeing a tiny shade of light in your day. Your power will start to come back, but slowly.
You must control your mind, because your mind is behind your emotions.
I cant tell you how many times I cried to my ex to give this covanent another shot, I pleaded, I wept, I became angry. Though the divorce was just as much my fault, I couldnt hardly take it.
It has been three years, and I cant believe I went through all that for her.
I am just going to add this in there, it helped me and it may help you, others have probably already read this;
There are people who can walk away from you.
And hear me when I tell you this! When people can walk away from you:
let them walk.. I don't want you to try to talk another person into
staying with you, loving you, calling you, caring about you, coming to
see you, staying attached to you. I mean hang up the phone.
When people can walk away from you let them walk. Your destiny is never
tied to anybody that left.
The bible said that, they came out from us that it might be made
manifest that they were not for us. For had they been of us, no doubt
they would have continued with us. [1 John 2:19]
People leave you because they are not joined to you. And if they are not
joined to you, you can't make them stay.
Let them go.
And it doesn't mean that they are a bad person it just means that their
part in the story is over. And you've got to know when people's part in
your story is over so that you don't keep trying to raise the dead..
You've got to know when it's dead.
You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something.. I've got
the gift of good-bye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in
good-bye.. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know
whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes
too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay.
Let them go!!
If you are holding on to something that doesn't belong to you and was
never intended for your life, then you need to......
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to past hurts and pains .......
LET IT GO!!!
If someone can't treat you right, love you back, and see your
worth......
LET IT GO!!!
If someone has angered you.
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to some thoughts of evil and revenge.....
LET IT GO!!!
If you are involved in a wrong relationship or addiction... ..
LET IT GO!!!
If you are holding on to a job that no longer meets your needs or
talents
LET IT GO!!!
If you! u have a bad attitude.... ...
LET IT GO!!!
If you keep judging others to make yourself feel better......
LET IT GO!!!
If you're stuck in the past and God is trying to take you to a new level
in Him.........
LET IT GO!!!
If you are struggling with the healing of a broken relationship. ....
LET IT GO!!!
If you keep trying to help someone who won't even try to help
themselves.. ....
LET IT GO!!!
If you're feeling depressed and stressed .............
LET IT GO!!!
If there is a particular situation that you are so used to handling
yourself and God is saying 'take your hands off of it,' then you need
to......
LET IT GO!!!
'The Battle is the Lord's!' by T.D. Jakes
P.S.
Your destiny is never
tied to anybody that left.
P.S.S. Sorry for the long past, you are in my prayers.
I love your profile name.
:)
YOU CAN DO THIS. moving forward is the only way to work though the pain, my dear friend.
hugs