Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
Hello Everyone,
I am going crazy here. . . Long story short. Wife told me that she wanted a divorce almost three weeks ago. The issue that had was never really discussed as a problem with her and it caught me off guard that this all of a sudden we were facing a divorce. So, we argued, I accepted it and moved into the other room in our home. For a week, I gave her space and still cooked dinner for her and I was nice. I don't see a reason to be mean to the person that I am in love with. She invited her sister the next weekend, which I took as way to cause problems, however, I stayed corgial and was nice and stayed away as much as possible so she could spend time with her sister. When her sister left I asked her what was the plan? I had already found the info for the divorce, the amount time and cost. I also told her we would need to figure out the living arrangments and that I would have to stay in the house to sell it. She would most likely have to move out first, so she can get settled in and I can move all of the furniture she wanted into her new place before I got rid of everything else. When she realized that for a week I was extremely upset, but I was in the room alone figuring things out. She told me she wanted to try counseling. I said ok, if that is what she wants to do, because I do love her and I DO want this to work. We had paid for a beach house in SC at the tune of 1900 for the week. She invited her sister and nephews to come down and my wife and my step son were going to the beach. I asked two Mondays ago here is a list of conselors, who would you like to see? And, I said I understand we are going through a tough time, do you want me to come to SC? You dont have to answer me now but I would need to know by the end of the week so I can put in for leave at work. I got nothing. Friday comes I ask those two questions again, it turned into and arguement and the last things said were I looked at the counselors no decision and no I dont think its best you come to SC. I said that was all i needed to know. That night her sister came and I stayed in my room. She came in the next morning (which was our 5 year anniversary) gave me a hug, kissed me and said I love you. Then, she left. She has been gone since last Saturday and she has not called once. I get a nice text in the morning and one at night. I did tell her Wednesday that I loved her and she said it back. That has been it. When we were discussing splitting up she told me to put in for jobs out of the area (as I would if we divorced) and I was already called for a job overseas. I messaged her Wednesday right after she messaged me and told her that the Chief (Fire Dept) called and I didnt answer the phone. I told her where the job was and that I was just letting her know. Nothing all day yesterday. Until 11 pm and she asked me if new the guy and did i like him. . . .That was it. Nothing today except the good morning text.
I feel totally ghosted/ignored. . . . I have been going back and forth telling myself I need to give her space and I really have no problem doing that, but if I treated her the way she is treating me it would never be forgiven. Can anyone make any sense out of this and what should I do? I have not overreacted or messaged or called. I am trying to let her have a good time. . . .
This just does not feel like love. . . .
Thanks, sorry for the long post. . . Im bouncing around in this house tonight . . .
Again thank you very much. . . . I do feel totally disrespected. No contact at all yesterday, so I basically understand the deal. . . . . Time to move on.
My husband sometimes struggling with knowing when I need space versus when I need him to speak up and talk to me, and not just wait/pressure me to talk (his initial tendancy is to not talk). Maybe she is giving you space, and hoping that you might open up? Just a thought, since it is hard to gather your styles just from this post alone.
dig into your hobbies, job, exercise, and your well being.
Dont ghost her but dont reach out for now. Dont contact her unless you need to for family matters but dont make shit up either. When she text you.. wait read it write dont on paper how you feel. Ask yourself questions, listen to yourself. and ask yourself what would you tell a friend to do. If divorce is her choice so be it, but she can not string you along in the process.
Get professional help too. I would suggest read the bible and pray.
Start a daily journal, write down how you feel, and why. and write down what you would tell a friend as well.
keep talking to others as well.
I pray you are safe and healhty.
However, it sounds like neither one of you is communicating! Something is very wrong here, and she is not telling you what it is, and you aren’t asking.
You are just going along with whatever she says, without even asking why.
You need to stand up for yourself and your marriage. I don’t mean be nasty, but a simple, ‘Hey, we need to talk about this— what’s going on?’
Stand up for your marriage, be assertive!
Now I don’t mean be a jerk, and she might still stonewall you. If she does, then that is not fair at all to you, but the only thing you can do about it is work on yourself and move on at that point.
I wish you the best. You are in a real shitty situation and I know the pain has to be awful.
AND there is love and love. If you are truly in love with your partner there is more communication and you do not see their faults, what you feel for her is not true love.
Women often say they will try a therapist or counsellor, but deep down they know its a waste of time and money if they dont love you or want to be with you. no matter how the therapy goes it wont change that and they know it. On the other hand they may feel they have to offer you some sort of hope, even if it is just to make sure you are not nasty or violent when you see it is all hopeless.
Obviously she will never have a real discussion with it, if she had wanted to do that she would have before now, and not needed a therapist or counsellor to be there too.
She may regret separating once she has done it, but even then it would be for practical and financial reasons not you as a person.
She may have someone else and she would be daft to tell you about it.
You need to wake up and accept how things are.
Sorry this sounds harsh but its how life is.
Unfortunately if a relationship isnt working it often comes to an end.
Which is why I work hard at my relationship to make sure it doesnt get to that point