Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
My husband wants to leave. We've been to a counselor a few times but not enough in my opinion. I wish she would get back from her vacation so we could talk again. DH told her last Friday he's done and wants out. I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach and almost threw up on the spot. He refuses to work on this with me. He's leaving because he says I've rejected him in our 9 years of marriage when he tells me I'm being rude to him or he wants sex. I have apologized profusely for my actions and see how I've hurt him but I have already made major improvements in myself and am working so hard to save this marriage. I have vowed to not fall back to my old bad habits. It's not working though because he's already made up his mind and he refuses to forgive me for the past mistakes I've made and he refuses to admit fault as well. He has been far from perfect- drinking problem, filmed us without telling me during sex, etc.
I went to my parent's house and bawled after counseling and they just didn't understand why this was happening so they went to talk to my hubby and my sister did too after seeing me sobbing. He had a good talk with all them and came over to my parent's that night a 10 pm to say he would give it more time and see how it goes. I was so happy. The next day we had lunch and talked more than we have in months. It was hopeful.
Yesterday we had Thanksgiving at my sister's house and he didn't talk to anyone. He sat on the couch & moped. My mom gets him an ornament every year and she got him a cute one of his favorite hobby and had it engraved with his name. My family sent all this food with us when we went to see his mom and hour away. She had to work yesterday and is a widow so we brought her dinner. He was quiet all night and didn't talk to me at his mom's. It was awkward. I got home and started crying because he was so disrespectful to my family and was going to go drop off all the dishes we borrowed at my mom's house because I needed some support. We ended up talking about why I was crying and long story short he refuses to forgive me for the past even though I've proven I'm working hard to change and he said the most disgusting thing I've heard from him yet. He doesn't want to stay married because I have always refused to (sorry if this is graphic) swallow during oral sex and he wants someone to swallow and perform this act on a regular basis. He always wants someone who will do sexual acts (he didn't explain what) that he says. I'm not willing to do. So he's breaking up a 9 year marriage and 16-year realtionship because I won't swallow. It makes me physically sick and he doesn't care that it makes me so sick. What a selfish ass.
My husband was the nciest, most caring, polite, considerate person I have ever met and he has turned into someone I don't even know. I'm devastatd. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I don't want to start over. I don't want to live without him. Now I feel like I'm an abused spouse who refuses to leave a relationship. When am I going to take the hint? No matter what I do he wont' stay. This is just so hard. I love him so much and yet I know in my heart I have to just let him go. I keep hoping he'll get out of this crazy place he's in and he won't. Sorry this is long. I'm just hurting so much. I don't know how to handle all this pain. I just want to die. Please help any way you can. Thank you.
I went to my parent's house and bawled after counseling and they just didn't understand why this was happening so they went to talk to my hubby and my sister did too after seeing me sobbing. He had a good talk with all them and came over to my parent's that night a 10 pm to say he would give it more time and see how it goes. I was so happy. The next day we had lunch and talked more than we have in months. It was hopeful.
Yesterday we had Thanksgiving at my sister's house and he didn't talk to anyone. He sat on the couch & moped. My mom gets him an ornament every year and she got him a cute one of his favorite hobby and had it engraved with his name. My family sent all this food with us when we went to see his mom and hour away. She had to work yesterday and is a widow so we brought her dinner. He was quiet all night and didn't talk to me at his mom's. It was awkward. I got home and started crying because he was so disrespectful to my family and was going to go drop off all the dishes we borrowed at my mom's house because I needed some support. We ended up talking about why I was crying and long story short he refuses to forgive me for the past even though I've proven I'm working hard to change and he said the most disgusting thing I've heard from him yet. He doesn't want to stay married because I have always refused to (sorry if this is graphic) swallow during oral sex and he wants someone to swallow and perform this act on a regular basis. He always wants someone who will do sexual acts (he didn't explain what) that he says. I'm not willing to do. So he's breaking up a 9 year marriage and 16-year realtionship because I won't swallow. It makes me physically sick and he doesn't care that it makes me so sick. What a selfish ass.
My husband was the nciest, most caring, polite, considerate person I have ever met and he has turned into someone I don't even know. I'm devastatd. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I don't want to start over. I don't want to live without him. Now I feel like I'm an abused spouse who refuses to leave a relationship. When am I going to take the hint? No matter what I do he wont' stay. This is just so hard. I love him so much and yet I know in my heart I have to just let him go. I keep hoping he'll get out of this crazy place he's in and he won't. Sorry this is long. I'm just hurting so much. I don't know how to handle all this pain. I just want to die. Please help any way you can. Thank you.
I see that I have screwed up in our marraige. He says he's felt rejected and I've been selfish in many ways. I never took his last name when we got married which I regret but it was because my name will end with me and I felt bad about that. I was planning on changing it when we had kids soa I should have just changed it when we got married. He wants kids and claims I never wanted to have them. I have been scared to have them but I do want them so that's another issue. I would have them today if I could - if things were good between us that is. I have been weird about holidays and trying to make all families happy and a couple times I've suggested we split up for holidays and we have. I agree it was stupid and I will never do it again. He pointed out it seems like I never cut the umbilical cord and I can see how that's true. I'm working really, really hard to fix myself and have seen quite an improvemnt in just a month. My entire family noticed a change on Thanksgiving. I have my issues but so does he and he refuses to see them. Probably because he is cheating.
Sex is probably the biggest issue. I'm not crazy about doing it and we only do it like 4-5 times a month which is not enough for any man I've recently learned. I just got my hormones tested (nothing wrong), and saw a doctor and am going to see a sex therapist to find out what is wrong. Maybe it's him! He said last week he wanted it everyday, twice a day if he could. Does anyone know about sex addiction? I know I've deprived him but I often thought he wanted it more than most.
So what doesn't make sense is that Friday after our fight and after I posted he asked me to go to dinner. Saturday he asked if I wanted to do lunch and run errands and Sunday we went to church and lunch with my friend and he was nicer to me than he's been in a while. We even put up the Christmas tree which he suggested and I wasn't going to do because I'm depressed. What is going on?
I feel so pathetic for begging him to stay and try to fix this marriage. I hate myself for it but when we were at church on Sunday I stood next to him and wanted him back so badly. I know I never fully appreciated him like I should but I've had my "ah ha" moment and I am trying to fix things. I really do sound pathetic and I know the right thing to do is just move on but I just don't want to. I want to keep my life (the life I had before he turned into a crazy a$$hole).
So are there any other things I can do to catch him cheating? I've not been able to find any sign anywhere. I smell him, I look for hairs, I check the phone and computer when I can but he works on computers for a living and knows how to hide things.
I agree with all you guys have said and the fact he is making me feel bad about myself to push me away is just sickening. I keep hoping he's the exception to all these cases but it doesn't sound like he is. I've thought about talking to his sister about this but would that be weird? Maybe he'd hate me for going behind his back. She's in a town 5 hours away but I just want her to know he's turned into a psycho. His family would be so ashamed of him. I just need the strenght to move out on my own and I just don't have it. Especially when there are days on this awful roller coaster ride that he's nice to me. AUGH!