Breakups & Divorce Support Group
Just broke up with someone or in the midst of a difficult divorce? Breaking up is difficult no matter what the circumstances are. They say that time heals all wounds, but sometimes a listening ear or a hug can work wonders for the heart. Whether you need a place to vent, someone to hold you to No Contact, or need advice about what to do, we're here to help.
My husband wants to leave. We've been to a counselor a few times but not enough in my opinion. I wish she would get back from her vacation so we could talk again. DH told her last Friday he's done and wants out. I felt like I'd been punched in the stomach and almost threw up on the spot. He refuses to work on this with me. He's leaving because he says I've rejected him in our 9 years of marriage when he tells me I'm being rude to him or he wants sex. I have apologized profusely for my actions and see how I've hurt him but I have already made major improvements in myself and am working so hard to save this marriage. I have vowed to not fall back to my old bad habits. It's not working though because he's already made up his mind and he refuses to forgive me for the past mistakes I've made and he refuses to admit fault as well. He has been far from perfect- drinking problem, filmed us without telling me during sex, etc.
I went to my parent's house and bawled after counseling and they just didn't understand why this was happening so they went to talk to my hubby and my sister did too after seeing me sobbing. He had a good talk with all them and came over to my parent's that night a 10 pm to say he would give it more time and see how it goes. I was so happy. The next day we had lunch and talked more than we have in months. It was hopeful.
Yesterday we had Thanksgiving at my sister's house and he didn't talk to anyone. He sat on the couch & moped. My mom gets him an ornament every year and she got him a cute one of his favorite hobby and had it engraved with his name. My family sent all this food with us when we went to see his mom and hour away. She had to work yesterday and is a widow so we brought her dinner. He was quiet all night and didn't talk to me at his mom's. It was awkward. I got home and started crying because he was so disrespectful to my family and was going to go drop off all the dishes we borrowed at my mom's house because I needed some support. We ended up talking about why I was crying and long story short he refuses to forgive me for the past even though I've proven I'm working hard to change and he said the most disgusting thing I've heard from him yet. He doesn't want to stay married because I have always refused to (sorry if this is graphic) swallow during oral sex and he wants someone to swallow and perform this act on a regular basis. He always wants someone who will do sexual acts (he didn't explain what) that he says. I'm not willing to do. So he's breaking up a 9 year marriage and 16-year realtionship because I won't swallow. It makes me physically sick and he doesn't care that it makes me so sick. What a selfish ass.
My husband was the nciest, most caring, polite, considerate person I have ever met and he has turned into someone I don't even know. I'm devastatd. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I don't want to start over. I don't want to live without him. Now I feel like I'm an abused spouse who refuses to leave a relationship. When am I going to take the hint? No matter what I do he wont' stay. This is just so hard. I love him so much and yet I know in my heart I have to just let him go. I keep hoping he'll get out of this crazy place he's in and he won't. Sorry this is long. I'm just hurting so much. I don't know how to handle all this pain. I just want to die. Please help any way you can. Thank you.
I went to my parent's house and bawled after counseling and they just didn't understand why this was happening so they went to talk to my hubby and my sister did too after seeing me sobbing. He had a good talk with all them and came over to my parent's that night a 10 pm to say he would give it more time and see how it goes. I was so happy. The next day we had lunch and talked more than we have in months. It was hopeful.
Yesterday we had Thanksgiving at my sister's house and he didn't talk to anyone. He sat on the couch & moped. My mom gets him an ornament every year and she got him a cute one of his favorite hobby and had it engraved with his name. My family sent all this food with us when we went to see his mom and hour away. She had to work yesterday and is a widow so we brought her dinner. He was quiet all night and didn't talk to me at his mom's. It was awkward. I got home and started crying because he was so disrespectful to my family and was going to go drop off all the dishes we borrowed at my mom's house because I needed some support. We ended up talking about why I was crying and long story short he refuses to forgive me for the past even though I've proven I'm working hard to change and he said the most disgusting thing I've heard from him yet. He doesn't want to stay married because I have always refused to (sorry if this is graphic) swallow during oral sex and he wants someone to swallow and perform this act on a regular basis. He always wants someone who will do sexual acts (he didn't explain what) that he says. I'm not willing to do. So he's breaking up a 9 year marriage and 16-year realtionship because I won't swallow. It makes me physically sick and he doesn't care that it makes me so sick. What a selfish ass.
My husband was the nciest, most caring, polite, considerate person I have ever met and he has turned into someone I don't even know. I'm devastatd. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I don't want to start over. I don't want to live without him. Now I feel like I'm an abused spouse who refuses to leave a relationship. When am I going to take the hint? No matter what I do he wont' stay. This is just so hard. I love him so much and yet I know in my heart I have to just let him go. I keep hoping he'll get out of this crazy place he's in and he won't. Sorry this is long. I'm just hurting so much. I don't know how to handle all this pain. I just want to die. Please help any way you can. Thank you.
I thought we were good.He just left, no warning, everything seemed good to me. Like you, I love him and want him back, but I don't think it's going to happen. So what to do?
Well the first blessing was finding this site. When you're in so much pain you can't eat or sleep, you will find some comfort here . I've been here only two days and I find such comfort and support from people who understand what we 're going through cause they've been there too.
Second, you need to eat and sleep, hard as it is. Try a little yoghurt if you can't manage anything else and drink water. If you can't sleep, call your doctor. Mine gave me a prescription for Lunesta and it works. You need that sleep, renewing your body and giving youa few hours when you're not thinking about all the hurt
I hope this helps. I'm at such an early stage myself that I can't offer any advice about how you get through this and come out the other side, but this site is full of wonderful people with lots of experience.
Hang in there!
I think what is so hard for me is how unforgiving, cold and unsympathetic my husband is. It's totally out of character for him and that is diffuclt for me to grasp. Is someone were doing as much as I am to save the marriage I wouldn't be treating them like he's treating me.
My mind knows the right thing to do is get out but my heart still loves him. He's my college sweetheart, the only person I've ever lovd, the only person I've ever been with and losing that is so painful. What also hurts is the counselor said if we'd gone to see her years ago this is something that could have been fixed and we wouldn't be where we are today. I just don't get why he won't let the past go and be more forgiving. I am forgiving of his creepy video incident and his drinking which I shouldn't have been. Ugh. I just hurt so much and just want the pain to go away. People say I may be more happy than I ever knew I could be but right now that is so difficult to imagine.
This is how the leaver gets prior to leaving. That person will pick fights, criticize, mentally and emotionally abuse, you name it, all in the name of justifying leaving. This is par for the course. I don't mean to marginalize you or your pain when I say this, but try not to take it personally. This behavior says more about your husband than it does you.
"My mind knows the right thing to do is get out but my heart still loves him. He's my college sweetheart, the only person I've ever lovd, the only person I've ever been with and losing that is so painful."
Yes, losing that longtime connection hurts like hell, but you have to understand that that person is GONE. Really, you are grieving two things, the end of that sweet guy and the end of your marriage.
And grieving is hard work. You need sleep and food. Please see your doctor and focus on taking the best care of yourself that you can. I know you are in pain! But it does get better, I promise you that.
I wish that there was a way to make the pain stop. Just know there are people that care about you!! Spend a few days with them if you can.
I dont know if any of that helped you. But stay strong!
It seems you have very supportive parents and sister: me too, and I am grateful for that...take their help. As hard as you've worked to save this marriage, put the same energies for yourself--you come first. Feeling like wanting to die is normal but pls seek a doc if you feel same or worse. Praying for you--you can & will survive this.We are here for you.
It's so difficult to see someone you loved act this way especially when you can remember the person he used to be. But unfortunately, you have to go by how he is acting NOW, and how he is treating you NOW and you deserve better than that.